i messed up with this religious girl? please help.

hello,

so, long story short.

i am still looking for first love.
there was this girl in school in september 2018 as new school started. she was head over heels me and she still was the last time i saw her few weeks ago in end of semester. i liked her a lot as well. firstly she tried to attract me and when she did, i did my best to chit chat with her, get to now her. we chatted a bit, seemed liked she is into me and bothwise. but she was really shy and looked like inexpierenced in this dating scene. like me.

first time i fucked up when asked her out, as i didn't talk with her day before at school our arranged date the next day. she thought i am just messing with her, because i didnt make it officially like i am waiting for tomorrow, so i made her think that i already forgot about date tomorrow.

i didnt give up, so i asked her out again weeks later, and she gave me mixed signal, responding like she has to do this homework so she cant. i translated it as gtfu, because she didnt offer any day later when she is free, but clearly she still had feelings.

so, week ago i left school without warning, because i thought this college isnt for me. without any explanation to her.
today i tried to contact her asking her how is she doing (actually all i wanted to do is to chat with her and ask her what went wrong, just for me to get a closure if nothing works out), and she ignored my text. she went online on whatsapp but didn't even open chat (she always seemed glad and happy when i wrote her).

what the fck is happening. if she thought that we are match why didn't she come forward a step, instead just waited for me to do all the work.
she is religious girl, smart, attractive in her own way, we share common interests, views in life, she doesnt have boyfriend, looked like she is waiting for special guy.

i am really at my downpoint. please share some thoughts.

 

the thing I was boiling inside since i left school, so the point today was to write her and get a closure when I take masks off and tell her how she made me feel. but if she is ignoring my text doesnt it means that i need to move on as obviously she doeant want to see my name pop up on her screen and forget about her? clearly it says from this point that she is mad at me ghosting like that. whats the point then, it looks childish.

i was just wondering. i am really inexpierenced in dating scene. what it really means if girl had a feelings for you and suddenly she ignores your texts. from you expierence of points...

 

the story is different. we dont know each other that well but we had chemistry, we had common interests. i knew and everybody around us in school knew we like each other, i made my moves and wanted to escalate it without success or her playing hard to get and i got fed up of trying so hard for one girl as i always know it leads nowhere becoming obsessed with one and only. so she played victim. i decided to give her a chance to offer me another day to hang out and she couldnt come over her ego. so i decided to let it go. as i wanted to close things up between us well (we dont see each other at all) i texted her asking what i did wrong that i couldnt set a day with her, for fun. she responded that saw me as a friend. which is bullshit. friends never get jealous when i speak with other girls in front of her. friends don't do passive manipulation of posting things related with things between us. friends don't do cold shoulders when i decide to give up on approaching her. we were never friends. friends contact each other and asks how is their day going, etc. i was always the one initiating everything with texting, asking out, etc.

writing her asking why is she ignoring my existance and never writes first or delays responses is like shooting in my leg. being pathetic loser, who cannot move on and still have her in my head. i know my value and i know my physical attractiveness, meanwhile she is not that kind of princess after all but has a good heart and made me feel alive, desired and we had this spiritual connection.

 

can you clarify about "If you don't want to make your intentions clear and take your chances with her." 3 times asking her out after school, first time in real life, two times via text. first time i messed up not reminding her day before and she thought i didn't mean it seriously, come on! if she scheduled then stick to it and don't run away. it is like prelude date to get to know her a bit better and see if our communication goes fluetly and go from there. next time via text and she responding that she has studying plans without offering another day. i have always knew that if girl is really into getting to know you, she will always reschedule or offer different time. but she was into me, but played this act of hard to get which is annoying as hell.

lesson is learned of course. next time i will ask once and only once and don't wait too long and don't get into that "victim" trap played by girls.

 

i didn't think this way, i used to think that way in century when i was really young and didn't have any sexual attraction towards girl i liked. but the point you made is correct, better facing rejection fast than later. i have always thought that telling someone that you like her/him is based on history in between like several hookups, dates etc. telling someone you barely know (AS A PERSON) that you like her is ego feeding to other person and let them take advantage this way. no girl is that dumb seeing how guy shows body language, so words have never been neccesary rather than actions, which i took (asking questions, showing interest in her life, asking about their future views and how is their weekend been, tension with eye contact, mutual laughter, asking out).

 

that is exactly what i needed to hear. though, i will make my mind and say, every girl considering who has been approached ever, knows when guy is into them without saying word, except if the guy is some drug addict lost any emotions or ability to blink at all.

people these days consider media usage as important like IRL communication. and while i really hate texting, calling, etc, i love talking face to face, and she seemed more comfortable asking questions behind her screen rather than gather up courage and help maintaining communication on in real time.

my father told me that i should stop pursuing girls in their early 20s, because most of them are full of nonsense and they don't know shit they want. its been 3 girls last year, all 19 or 20. all of them considered playing hard to get crucial, like recipe for getting a guys respect. maybe i look like some hardcore player who goes "hit and run" all the time, people are different anyways. if i look like some digger, doesn't mean I have no self respect and not looking for someone to hold hands with. I know why they do it, yeah yeah, to understand how important and serious you are about particular girl. but you have to remember that no self respectful guy is willing to chase forever.

thanks for your feedback.
i really hope indeed that there is some lonely non-social self respecting girl, who would be willing to find loner as me.