My life is ruined :(

Thank you for sharing mate. That’s brave if you. I hope you get good support and guidance from others on this site. While that could be valuable to you I first and foremost would like to suggest you seeing someone to talk to, away from keyboard that is. Do you have anyone that you trust good enough to talk to? Someone in the family? A therapist? A local pastor or priest? Don’t hesitate on this, only good things can come out of it.

To say “2019 I will change all of the above, with nothing but willpower, and achieve all my goals” sounds unrealistic to me. Sorry, but I must be honest. It’s not fair to beat yourself down for not being able to accomplish that on your first attempt. Your will to get rid of drugs and PMO is much likely a fine analysis though!

I’m positive you do will make a great doctor in the future but as for now you probably need to take a break and focus on getting a healthy relationship to yourself. It’s kind of unfair of me to say it since I don’t have the possibility or the knowledge to help you further. But you don’t come across to me as a failure or lost case, I think with the right help and guidance you can find yourself in a much better place some time from now.

Best of wishes!

 

Hello mate

A lot of people including myself have had rough periods in life. You know that stopping P will help and also stopping drugs. If you’re really struggling start small. Change your habits and routines little by little. The gym would be a big help. Start some training. Running, cycling or weights. You’ll meet new people and feel good after wards!

You can do it brother

 

How many times are you going to keep going back to your crutches? You're blaming god saying that he punished you but yet he is giving you the tools to stop using, and you go back to your crutch instead. So I suggest you get off the poor me party and from this point forward your past failures no longer matter because your going to do it right this time.

I been were your at nearly everything you mentioned I have been there. It relies on you to make the change and say from this point forward I am going to be the man I want to be and I will use every tool available to me to get there. You got A phone so here is some good apps to use:
Nofap app
Cold Turkey app
Reboot app
Wunderlist app

You already have this website which is a great start but I will give you some more.
http://saaonline.org/meetings/attend.php
https://saa-recovery.org/meetings/
https://www.addictioncenter.com/treatment/12-step-programs/narcotics-anonymous/

Hopes this helps reach out to me anytime.

 

These have been your choices, it's you who did all this. You weren't punished for anything and you don't need understand the suffering of others. You're making it seem like you just somehow ended up in this situation, even though it was all you who brought yourself in this situation. I will say that everyone is a victim to an extent when it comes to watching porn and masturbating. We were taught that it is normal and healthy. But I am absolutely sure that everyone realizes eventually that what they're doing is not good for them. I was feeling like this already at 14-15 and finally quit a few years later. So later on, it comes down to your own will to quit something that you know is bad for you. Everyone will hit rock bottom eventually, and that's when they quit. Same goes for drugs, the only difference is that the ultimate rock bottom with drugs is death, cause that's where drug addiction will always lead to. Now you can only get better from here. You have to end this vicious cycle, where masturbation creates misery which then leads back to masturbation. Above me, there's a lot of good advice, there's tools you can use and activities that you can replace masturbation with. But it all requires your willpower, the ultimate foundation. Just ask yourself, do you wanna keep on living life like this? There's nothing holding you back, you can do anything you want so why use your potential on this shit?

 

Read my topic on post acute withdrawal symptoms and see if you can relate. I would be open to questions.

 

you know what it sounds like you need? Jesus Christ. Thats right you need Jesus Christ. You know why, because I have one year of no porn and guess what, it wasnt me at all. It was all God. I'd pray to God to take away my porn addiction and then one day in the midst of my porn addiction, poof, gone. no more urges. All gone. I dont buy that it was my own doing in the least bit because id get some pretty intense urges. I couldnt even go 3 weeks without porn during that time. Everyone needs Jesus Christ it's that simple. Jesus can do the impossible.

It sounds like you have a whole list of things going on though, and your getting rather overwhelmed. Med school is no joke. That's a lot of schooling to do. I'm not going to tell you what to do other than when it comes to pornography. I'm not going to touch your laundry list of items. Just keep in mind that everyone has their own laundry list of crap that afflicts their life. Your not the only one who has bad things happen, your definitely not alone in that respect. Go on facebook and look at everyones perfect lives. You'll never see anything bad. EVER. Know in your heart that it's all a lie and a facade. No one tells you the bad stuff. Trust me everyone has bad stuff happen to them. You just cant see it.

I'll pray for you and in fact I already did before i even wrote this. Follow Jesus Christ.

P.S. im not kidding about the Jesus Christ thing. Prayer really works.

 

Just take it one day and step at a time to relinquish the evil of porn. You have to get through your studies. Maybe take a little time off from school to get things under control in your life and then return back to school if that's an option. You have to do what is good for you, your future. Don't listen to your parents, family, and friends that may be putting you down. Step up and live the best you ca. You can do it. I have been having issues since 16 years old and now am 47 and this has been my longest streak. My gf of 16 years has been my angel and wants to help me in every way. Getting a girlfriend to sounds like something that would be good for you.

 

Not all is lost yet.

 

Your life is ruined if you keep going to remind yourself such a BS.

You have the potential to change your life. Nobody can do it for you. You have it in you. Take responsibility. Create your future from today, from now. Don't worry about the past. You don't need praising from your parents. If they don't get well with you then get well with yourself. Show yourself that you can build such a discipline that Arnold Schwarzenegger can go and hide. You have this power in you. Trust me. Don't put yourself down when you fail, collaborate with yourself, Spend half time to study medicine and half time negative effects of watching porn. Once it will click and you will build the momentum which is stronger than Bugatti Chiron. You have this in you, right now. Do not ever put yourself down!

 

Becoming aware of the problems is the first step towards solutions. I was also messed up a long time, and did not see the causes of my problems, or any idea how to solve them. I was just living on impulse for quite a while. It's good that you share your story, and want to improve your life. I'm in the same boat, kind of similar situation. It won't be always easy to improve, it will be very hard sometimes, and it wont be a straight line.. there (probably) will be failures... but mistakes are human, but we gotta try to learn from every single mistake we make. All the best man, take care, take it easy

 

Hey brother,
we've all been in that place where it seems like life is over. The truth is you have a choice. Sometimes it feels good to talk down on yourself, but eventually you are going to realize that inside of you there is something beyond what other people think of you or the failures in the past.

My advice for you is simple. Find someone to connect with. Addiction requires isolation. Depending on where you are in the world there may be an SAA group that you can just show up to and get some support from people who have lost everything and found life on the other side.

You are not alone.

 

Your mind thinks masturbating will help you, but this is just the addiction talking. In reality it will only make it worse, no matter what your addicted mind tries to tell you. "It will help me relax... I'll fap now and quit until the exams are over... I can't stop thinking about masturbating so I should do it just to get it off my mind" . Shit like that isn't true, remember that.

 

Sorry, you have a teacher like that, no teacher should say such things.

You're oversimplifying faith. If all it took was praying then no Christians would be using this site. I prayed for years for God to take it away but still struggle. Stop giving people false hope!

 

Hey dude,


It's not the pmo addiction, the whole mindset of yours that's needs a change. For now let go of the gf. First you need to change your lifestyle. If your lifestyle is healthy one then automatically everything you are suffering now will make a difference. A huge good difference. Your addiction towards all the drugs and pmo will be reduced with better lifestyle. Go to gym, wake up early in the morning, concentrate on your studies, and you need to clean up the mess around you like keep your room clean and spacious, clean your pc off the porn, get a haircut, get some nice cloths, if you have any contacts with bad people cut them off, limit your smartphone time and go to park or beach everyday if possible and feel the nature around you and start getting sensitive to the nature. All these are simple things which can be done with little efforts and they make the difference. Cheers dude.