My story

Hello all!

I’m really new to all this so this is different for me and it’s a bit uncomfortable. I’m 29 years old, married for almost three years. I stumbled upon NoFap recently after google searching about help for porn addiction. It wasn’t until recently that I’ve been willing to acknowledge it as an addiction. It goes back nearly 17 years. I remember I had an older friend when I was 12 asked me if I ever watched P or PMO. I was clueless. He introduced me to it then by putting on a video and basically said it’s no shame in pleasuring yourself as you watch the video. I still didn’t understand it but did it anyway and nothing happened. It wasn’t until I was about 14 that I had my first real experience of M by myself. This eventually led to PMO (just figured out what that stood for). Since then it’s a been a frequent habit. I’ve tried to kid myself on many occasions thinking if I just stay away I won’t PMO. It’s a lie. I didn’t take any other steps and actually have never told anyone. I would make allowances for it, make time for it even if it meant I was late for work or other things. I kid you not this morning me and my wife were attempting to make up from an argument and I struggled with getting up. It was evident that there was an issue and she obviously feels that I’m not as attracted to her and has led to questioning her place in this marriage. I recently started a new job and due to this I have more down time in the mornings, which is never good. Due to this it’s led to more PMO. After she begun crying it was killing me on the inside that I was holding on to this and I had to share. I told about PMO and the problem I have. And of course there was the shock and anger since this is viewed as cheating and we’ve said that we won’t view P when we got married. I wasn’t honest about my viewing and it has never really stopped. She’s distraught, rightfully so and the trust is broken. P has taken over my life and I want to take back the control. I want to grow the intimacy with my wife where she feels great about herself since I’m into her. Which I am, but my P addiction has really impacted the intimacy I have share with her. I’ve faked it for so long. And I want to take my power back over P and PMO. I look forward to connecting with each of you and growing through this community.

 

Thanks for reaching out! I really appreciate it!