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Newbie and need an advice

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by SIMPLEMAN123456, Jan 17, 2019.

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  1. Jan 17, 2019 #1
    SIMPLEMAN123456

    SIMPLEMAN123456 New Fapstronaut

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    Hi to everybody and first of all - sorry for my ENG. I really need YOUR advice guys.
    Am 41 y old married guy who has a nice relation in his family: a sincere and loving wife and kids. And I LOVE and TRUST her a lot too. Due to the many problems, my wife and I have faced during our 20 years being together we were able to keep connected very well. Our sex life wasn't perfect but wasn't bad at all too. Due to her frequent illness and my common travels for the job it became worse with time. I started to watch porn and masturbate some 9 years ago and it affected our sex life even more and negatively, for sure. Few months I realised absolutely that my ED is related to porn and not to my health. I have checked me - my health status is GOOD. I am lean-fit, workout 2 last years constantly, T level is normal. But I have these issues to keep my erection during intercourses with her. I can get hard, but lose it after min or two. Now I started to reboot myself with no porn (I have deleted all files, blocked access to porn sites). Am on day 14 and I would say I feel quite good - no terrible needs to come back. I don't know how it will be in the nearest future.
    I have one question. The real sex with a partner you love isn't prohibited during the rebooting process, but what about c2c with my wife when I am away for 3 months (surprisingly, 3 weeks ago when we were chatting on Skype she started teasing me for the first time in our relationship in that way and we both finished with a big O being online). I afraid she will start it again and I don't know should I do the same again or I should avoid it. She doesn't know am on the reboot. For me, it's a perfect time to do it while being away and very busy with work. It keeps me distracted.
    Maybe its a strange question for you all, but I would appreciate any suggestions and advice.
    THANK YOU IN ADVANCE!
     
    Last edited: Jan 17, 2019
    SIMPLEMAN123456, Jan 17, 2019
    SIMPLEMAN123456, Jan 17, 2019
    #1
  2. Jan 17, 2019 #2
    OptimusPehla

    OptimusPehla Fapstronaut

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    Hi and welcome to NoFap! Here you'll find a community of like-minded people who are willing to fight against PMO. It's a really good questions about c2c with you wife. As someone who is a in a relationship and has also struggled with PMO whilst my wife and I were apart for 18 months, I know exactly what you're going through. To be honest, I believe it is all down to what you goals are in terms of this struggle. If it is just pornography you are trying to give up, then having a bit of time over c2c with your wife is not an issue in my opinion. However, if your overall goal includes Porn and Masturbation, then c2c with your wife would seem to violate that. I think only you can answer your own question about whether this is ok for you or not. It truly depends on your personal goals and what you want to achieve from this reboot.
     
    OptimusPehla, Jan 17, 2019
    OptimusPehla, Jan 17, 2019
    #2
  3. Jan 17, 2019 #3
    OptimusPehla

    OptimusPehla Fapstronaut

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    The other issue, which I think is more important to address, is about telling your wife about this issue. My wife caught me with porn last year. It was the worst and best thing to happen to me. She is now my ally in all this and supports me every step of the way. Having someone who is with you on this who understands, like someone from NoFap, and having your wife as an ally makes a huge difference. It's certainly helped me and I'd recommend it to anyone else. If you have that much confidence in your relationship, have the courage to have a vulnerable conversation with her.

    I hope that's helpful for you my friend. Let me know if I can support in any way.
     
    OptimusPehla, Jan 17, 2019
    OptimusPehla, Jan 17, 2019
    #3
  4. Jan 18, 2019 #4
    SIMPLEMAN123456

    SIMPLEMAN123456 New Fapstronaut

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    Thank You, Optimus for Your comments-suggestion. I REALLY agree I should have a conversation with her and tbh I don't afraid. I am sure she will understand me, even it will not be pleasant. Just now I am away and I don't think it's a good idea to have this conversation on Skype. She knows I stroke sometimes when we can't be intimate due to some objective reasons. And she doesn't see it as a bad thing. The problem is she doesn't know I do it watching porn. Thank God I have realised that terrible habit is ruining my sex life and I wanna change it a LOT. I will tell her everything when I will be at home. I should, because I have some doubts about my capabilities to fight it all alone. Now I work had to control these needs by myself.
     
    SIMPLEMAN123456, Jan 18, 2019
    SIMPLEMAN123456, Jan 18, 2019
    #4
  5. Jan 20, 2019 #5
    OptimusPehla

    OptimusPehla Fapstronaut

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    That's really good my friend! I agree - its better having this conversation in person than doing so over Skype. Hope you manage to have a frank honest discussion with her and I pray for your success.
     
    OptimusPehla, Jan 20, 2019
    OptimusPehla, Jan 20, 2019
    #5

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