It's been a year since I discovered NoFap and I feel like I've gotten no where

I'll second the idea that you shouldn't consider not having "succeeded" yet as not having made any progress. For starters, had you every done 20 days before nofap? I've been keeping track of my progress around nofap for a while, and sometimes I feel like I've made no progress when I once again fail to set a new personal best, but then I realize that I've met my goals in 80% of the last 100 days, and a year ago it was 55%. It may not feel like progress sitting on day 0, but I've clearly changed something for the better in my habits and life.

My point is, stats or no stats, it's a journey. Slipping up doesn't send you back to square one. No matter what your "streak" is on, every step forward is one more step towards your ultimate goal. Keep at it, and good luck!

 

The fear mainly came from being 31, knowing i will sleep with her soon and not having had any real experiences i was able to count on.

So I looked up every possible way to make the sex more enjoyable for us, given my body-circumstances.
Literally everything i could find. I also talked to anyone i knew about it and trusted and asked them to give me advice.

I made sure i was 100% comfortable with her AND myself when we had our first time. That was HUGELY important.
I did all the bullshit that people normally do when they have their first girlfriend in their teens.
I ate chocolate from her belly, we had night-long kissing sessions, i "used her" to go down on her and learned to become really fkn good at it(at least for her), and just practiced the intimacy i never really shared with anyone in my life before.
That was imperative for my mind and body to relax and go into sex without pressure.
And she helped me by being an angel and letting me do whatever i wanted with her. And it was beneficial for both of us.

And then, when the time came, I more or less fucked her like a pornstar. Not even kidding.
I dropped all my insecurities (that she had no fkn clue about either, i made very well sure of that, because woman fkn hate a man bitching about himself, its probably one of the biggest turn-off's ever)
I seriously threw them out the window and said to myself "Ah fk it. Lets bang this bitch"

But after i was with her, i realized that literally everything what happened, was initiated by me and my highly dominant frame that i had at that time and i still have to this day.

Those events presented me the most beautiful gift ever in regards to sleeping and sharing intimacy with woman and girls.

No matter who i am with, as long as i find her attractive enough and we have a connection, i can turn earth into heaven for any girl on this planet.
I took responsibility for my own happiness and we all get what we deserve.
And since i chose the right girl, prepared in the best way possible, i got rewarded with an amazingly beautiful time.
It wasn't a coincidence. I got what i deserved.
Hard work and personal development will bring you further then NOTHING ELSE on this planet.

All the best

 

I understand that you might think like that. I did that often too. But everyone has his or her own progress. And getting a girl or date to feel good about yourself is not a good thing to strive for. It will not work be eventually she will reflect back the inadequate things about yourself. A better thing to do is to feel better about yourself first.

 

You will never get nowhere whilst relapsing to porn. I had to learn that the hard way as well. By stopping porn indefinitely your life will improve and you can begin to work on any other issues you have.

 

Anyone know about rewiring the brain. like say everytime you think of porn you do push ups that way your brain eventually associates porn with push ups and not M. Also we need to stay strong this isnt an incurable disease its curable. Personally the first step is admitting you have a problem and wanting to solve it. So if you're on here you have already done that first step. Honestly feel like giving our a primal cry lol LETS DOOO DISSSS

 

I know here you're coming from but that is not nessary true for everyone. I'm not saying watching porn is good. But there are plenty enough people who watch porn and have their shit together. The problem is – and this counts for every addiction - if you use it as an escape, it is eventually coming back to u.

IMHO it is more about taking the actions to do something different with your life, that makes the real changes - not stopping the porn. It can help to stop porn for sure. But it is probably not the cause of his problems.

 

I completely disagree with that.

It would be like telling a heroine addict that it's not the heroine, but it's more about taking actions to do something different with your life. I think it's kinda dangerous.

 

That depends on the reason why this indivudual started doing heroine - and why he/she is still using it.


This short movie desribes a bit what I mean.

 

I completely agree with that statement. There are shitloads of people where porn has no effect on.
But probably NONE of them are on this forum, because they don't need any help.

People make the mistake of comparing themself to others.
I am only looking at myself. And i know i have a problem with porn, and no other person where porn has no effect on will change that.
So, look at yourself. Does it affect you in ANY way? If the answer isn't a direct "NO!" then you have a lot of possibilities on how to deal with them, starting with the support from this side.

 

Yep, being a person who tend to get hooked into addiction is the foundation to fall into any addiction, which is a problem usually related to problems and being unloved when we were kids.
I guarantee you that the problem per se will never fade a way, if you scars from the past, they will never heal completely, you are not going to heal your porn addiction deciding to be another person, to become different etc.
It works on the paper, it doesn't work in real life.

 

That sounds mighty sad and deterministic!

Fuck your scars from the past. I have plenty of them. Doesn't make me special at all, makes me rather normal.
If you believe in free will and I bet you do, you can do what you want with your life.

If you're an athlete and ready to jump over a cliff with your skateboard, do you think about how you could fall and how you're training might not be good enough for the jump? Or do you just do it, excited to fly!

So why would you think of your scars while beating your addiction?

 

How are you so sure that scars wont heal completely? Are you talking about your own scars or have you known people like that?

 

I think this is one of those really murky questions that is very personal. Did you have problems that led you to coping/escaping etc. through porn, or did you watch porn which led you to having various issues/insecurities, etc.?

For most people, the answer is probably some of both. But the idea of understanding yourself to try and figure out how both ends of the vicious cycle affect you and how to work on healing them is always a good one. I think it's all progress.

 

My own, and many others, have you never known anyone who had an abusive childhood? Never watched a documentary or read something about it?

You are talking basing on what?

 

Actually i was talking about something else. I was answering a user who sai that porn addiction is secondary, and first you have to get your life straight, and i do not agree with that.

 

The point is you don't nessary know what is going to happen in the rest of your life, so why do you want to hold on to a belief that says that your scars don't heal. That is not very helpful IMHO - because you never really can be sure. What I do know is that our brains are extremely flexibible – and that your thoughts and beliefs create your reality.

What you think is real is just a perception, a reflection of yourself. We all have a perception - and a lot of those perceptions are different. If you change yourself you change also how you see the outer world. So I can imagine that if you keep telling yourself that you won’t heal – and believe people that you can’t heal - and you look at documantaries that say that - then it will eventually manifest in your reality/perception. But the question is, do you want to keep that perecption or do you want to change it in something that feels better for you? It's all where you focus on.

That depends on how addicted the person is. There is of course a huge difference between someone who let's say watches porn once in a month – and has a healthy happy life where all his needs are met. And someone who does watches it daily as an escape or to get some need that they can’t get in a healthy way. Stopping porn might take care that this person might do more healthy things to meet that need – that’s true. But porn is not the cause. It's the underlying issue which creates the addiction which is the problem.

If was true what you are claiming now, then nobody would be able to watch porn. Which is not true of course. I know plenty of guys who have no problems with woman what so ever and are frequent watchers of porn. They don't use it as an esscape.

 

I think that you self confidence is low in general - but luckily that can change. Can you tell me what your brothers marriage - and that you don't have that yourself yet - says about you in your own words?

So u can make complete this following line -> if my bother is married and I even can't get a girl then I'm............


And why do you think you can't get a girl.