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The 2019 X90 Hard Mode High Accountability Elimination Challenge

Discussion in 'Events & Challenges' started by Deleted Account, Dec 31, 2018.

  1. That's great to hear, now we know what to do going forward.
     
  2. Awesome dude, keep up the great work!
     
  3. Cool, what was that like? Tell us all about it.
     
  4. rkim

    rkim Fapstronaut

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    Day 5 checking in~ feels like nofap is getting easier than my first trial. Feels great~
     

  5. Great job, keep it rolling !
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  6. Great job dude!
     
  7. Awesome dude, great to hear that!
     
  8. glnb8

    glnb8 Fapstronaut

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    Oww. Okay, thanks man.
    I actually prayed to God & asked forgiveness (well, I am a bit religious, you know) and also thanked Him for helping me not indulge any further which could have led me to actually look at P and... you know what else might have happened.

    Well, I had not really addressed my videogame addiction yet with much effort & so I also believe that it led me to
    feeling bored & turn to those dumb animes.

    I deleted all my games here in my phone. I don't have any others elsewhere & so I might be able to concentrate on being really sober & focus on my self-improvements.
    Thanks, man.

    For everyone, don't let a single thing lure you to the stupid things. Keep strong. I almost relapsed so be extremely careful. A little opening might prove our ruin.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  9. Daniel1

    Daniel1 Fapstronaut
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    Ugh I had a relapse on day 7.

    I was alone on my computer yesterday evening and started looking for loopholes in my blocker. Apparently my software doesn't block Twitter (which has some pornographic content) and I ended up there.

    What's so frustrating is that I didn't stop myself. I was exploring loopholes for a good 20 min and just didn't stop myself or pick up my journal to write. It's like a serious case of learned helplessness: I could've stopped but I didn't even try :(
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  10. Hammerhand2202

    Hammerhand2202 Fapstronaut

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  11. Daily check-in, no PMO
    For me it's not a relapse, even on hard mode, as long as you don't entertain these images later in your thoughts i.e. let them creep in in your brain. From what I've read I understand that you stopped that did not watch P nor did M or O and - what I like most - you wrote very clearly what is the main cause of this incident - not addressing video game addiction. That means you're centered and you're still mastering your brain, which is AWESOME! So what are your next steps and plan for addressing this video game addiction because currently what is going on is that your addiction is seeking a way out through that channel and you need to block it as well as any others. It's good that you deleted the games but find a healthy replacement for them.
    I was going through hard times during the weekend, I was once very close to edging but I managed to stop. Then I had one bout of binge eating and felt really lonely (I think I have this need for external validation and maybe addiction to relationships so I made a decision to abstain from any new potentially romantic relationships for at least half a year to clear my brain out) - my addiction seeking a way out through other channels as well - but this week I'm going to therapy for my ED (eating disorder) and I'm back to structured eating. All ex bf and text-only guys blocked and/or deleted. Stay strong everyone.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 28, 2019
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  12. So it was loneliness which triggered you? Or a wish to look for loopholes and hopefully find them?
    And please stop it with all these labels you're putting on yourself: "It's like a serious case of learned helplessness", blah blah blah. You know what? We all are serious cases here and we are all struggling. So don't you ever believe that you're a serious case, this gives perfect excuse for your brain to offer the same painkillers over and over again. Say that you don't fap and you don't PMO, period, that's your decision and your vision and your brain will have to deal with it. No option for any other behaviours. Next time when you will be exploring loopholes for good 20 min come here and share your struggles, do you hear me Daniel1? :)
     
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  13. Great job Hammerhand2202! You did not give in to your horniness and found a healthy alternative to keep your hands busy and your brain clear of all triggering visuals. I especially like that decision which was followed by relevant actions. Stay strong!
     
    Hammerhand2202 likes this.
  14. glnb8

    glnb8 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks. :)
    Well, I am thinking of actually learning to play the guitar, as well as singing. I have put them off for quite a lot of time already due to my PMO concern.
    I would love to be able to to serenade my girlfriend before I propose to her. Hahaha. Actually, she is one of my reasons why I am trying to address my concerns. (And yes, I do have a girlfriend). But nothing has happened between the two of us. We are both quite conservative.
    So my goal really is to stop PMO & live a great life with her.
     
  15. JustForTodayz

    JustForTodayz Fapstronaut

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    Checking in for day 17. I notice myself fantasizing more, so I implemented daily cold showers to counter. Keep surrendering to win everyone.
     
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  16. Daniel1

    Daniel1 Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

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    Thank you Fleurette!

    Really appreciate your words and I agree with pretty much everything you said.

    What triggered me was really escapism. I was dating a girl this fall and we had a falling out and Saturday night she came over to my place, drunk, and wanted to "talk". She stayed over (we didn't have sex thank god) but it was very emotionally intense because I care for her a lot.

    That carried over to Sunday and I was distracting myself from it all day by studying and gaming in the evening. So when I got home in the evening I had a subtle feeling of wanting to keep the distraction going by watching TV shows and eating something.

    So really, I was in this cycle of escaping my emotions by indulging in various forms of distraction which ultimately led me to try to mess with my blockers.

    The sense of shame I was feeling this morning has subsided and after doing my morning meditation and reading a chapter in The Untethered Soul I am back to my usual good mood and self-esteem. I can now think more clearly about the situation.

    This setback is just another lesson that I can learn from. I am making a document of exactly what went wrong in each of my relapses so that I can plan not to end up in the same situation in the future. Here is the current list from my 3 relapses in January:

    1. Hangover days: make plans with a friend and get out of the apartment first thing I do
    2. Free, unplanned days: PLAN them, get out of apartment right away
    3. Escapism/emotional stress: reconnect with myself by reading a spiritual book such as The Untethered Soul or The Power of Now. Take a long walk of reflective gratitude. Anything to reconnect with inner self.

    Oh and I've also completely blocked internet on my computer now between 8pm to 3 am every day.
     
  17. lolman123

    lolman123 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks man, Can't agree more, I was looking expecting to feel a rush liked had in the past and kept scrolling unconsciously hoping i'd feeling that rush but felt guilt more than anything. I'm glad I'd joined this challenge and been more strict with what i allow myself to see/view would have fell right back into old patterns and completelyu relapsed. But atleast I know now there is nothing to gain at all from looking at anything sexual and divert my attention and energy into university and gym which has made me feel much more accomplished than when i was PMO every day.
     
  18. lolman123

    lolman123 Fapstronaut

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    Checking in for Day 1 (No PMO) & Day 28 (No MO in 2019 Challenge) Decided I'd reset my numbers in the challenge so I can complete the challenge and motivate myself to still keep going and not relapse completely since I viewed P last night (but No MO). Just going to stick to my routine and take it day by day. Very glad i didn't relapse so very encouraging.

    Keep it up everyone, trust me there is nothing to gain from viewing P I felt more guilt and regret from viewing it for the first time in over 48 days and didn't get the same rush as before so those urges to look at P will eventually go away.
     
  19. Maybe you should put up boundaries with that girl - no coming to your place being drunk to "talk"? About what? I know and I've been told what pain - to listen to such drunk talks which lead absolutely nowhere - guys have to endure lol, well unless they get good sex in exchange for this suffering :D For you it fucked up your reboot streak. Maybe you should not bottle up these emotions deep inside you and also go talk to your buddies about it, you should let it out. Maybe go for a run or train real hard? Get into the car, put your headphones on and listen to some metal? Drive to the woods and scream these emotions out, beat some tree? Remember that it is very important to do both, 1. to acknowledge that what you're feeling is escapism and tell yourself what caused you feel it; 2. to let these emotions out somehow. Just write a list of all your "painkillers", including PMO, then cross it out, write below why you are choosing to cross this out from your painkiller list. And then write another list, free of PMO. It would also help to put some stickers with a few reminders on your determination on your PC and other "risky" places.
    For me meditation really helps me to reconnect with myself. If I'm feeling really down I go for shamanic drumming meditation, this clears my head really good. Or going out and spending time in nature.
    Don't feel shame. Don't let addiction get to you by feeling shame - then it will persuade you to relapse and relapse and relapse so not to feel shame. Say to yourself I fucked it up because of this this and that and next time I will do this this and that to stay clean. It does not matter how often you relapse (one may reach 70 days and relapse for like a few months), what matters is what you do after your relapse - get up and follow the journey with only your will of power or get up with an updated action plan. So stay strong and keep going, soldier.
    P.S. You wrote you had 3 relapses in January. How was your December? Binging on PMO from day 1 to day 31? What will be your February then like? March? What about trying harder and reducing the number of relapses to 2 or even 1 in February (not by allowing yourself mentally to fap twice during this month, because it's according to the plan, no, just deciding that your new "me" in February will beat your "me" in January as much as possible)? This day count and these streaks sometimes do not show anything behind them, it is important to take account of the frequency of your addiction breakthroughs aka relapses and grow mentally and otherwise to reduce them to zero gradually. Remember you're doing the best you can and every day you're getting stronger. Now you're making plans and looking for means to strengthen your armours against addiction and not disappearing from this thread and making excuses for your relapses. That's what counts the most here.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 28, 2019
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  20. What a beautiful purpose and vision! If you stop this PMO - getting high on women other than you SO - you will reach new heights of intimacy with your gf believe me :)
     
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