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Women's body language

Discussion in 'Off-topic Discussion' started by Mibesti, Jan 27, 2019.

  1. Mibesti

    Mibesti New Fapstronaut

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    Hi! First post. I love to be a member in this amazing community. As most of you I am committed to find my way out of pmo and unhealthy tendencies.

    I am not sure where this comment belongs, but I am mostly interested in a female perspective. The thing is wherever I go outside I get a lot of attention from women, but the catch is some body language signs are disturbing to me. I believe some women are uneasy around me. It is embarrassing and sometimes I fear going to public places because I get a lot of people staring at me. I don't think am conventionally attractive, but I have very strong traits in my face, I am tall, dark hair, mediterranean look, in good shape and I have a thick goatee.

    Some body language signs I see daily:

    Women stroking their hair. I believe some do to express interest, but what I see is more of a real nervous reflex, not something planned.

    Looks of fear

    Women adjusting clothes like closing their jackets, hiding skin.

    The disturbing thing is I get a lot of stares from women but mostly I get a vibe of fear. Some of them are even shaking their body. I can feel there is something about me that makes them uncomfortable.

    On the other hand I am not staring women or looking at them in a lustful way. Even more I try to avoid eye contact, because I feel embarrassed. I have to say I also get sometimes positive attention, but smiles and inviting looks are not that common on public places

    on my job (uber driver) I have a lot of mixed reactions too, but I get more positive interactions: some women compliment me, give bigger tips, try to start a conversation, or are very kind, but again the most common reaction is defensive body language. I am not in any way flirting or making an approach in a romantic or sexual way, because I love my job and fear any kind of false accusation against me

    Anyways, what I trying to get is a female perspective on this. Are those body language signals really bad? Or I am getting this wrong and it is something else? Can you explain a little bit more what your body language means when interacting with men?




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  2. It's hard to say, because I cant see their reaction first hand. It is being relayed here, filtered through your perspective, and since you think it sounds bad, it sounds bad.

    Those reactions sound bad to me, but I honestly cant say why they are reacting that way. From what you've said here, I cant see any reason they would feel afraid of you. There are probably a lot of factors I dont know, because you arent aware of them either, so I'm not sure how to help.
     
  3. Alpha Romeo

    Alpha Romeo Fapstronaut

    Have you tried to ask someone that knows you first hand because as @Castielle say we can't really see what you can't write because you don't know the reason yourself.
     
  4. EthanW.

    EthanW. Fapstronaut

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    Yes, like the others have mentioned, we need context.

    What time of the day do you mostly pick up women who express that behavior? Are they usually sober, if it is later in the day? What kind of neighborhoods are they picked up from? Do they say anything before this behavior starts? Are they of different ethnicity from you? Are they a different ethnicity from the majority of the surrounding population? Are they mostly younger or older women? What is the weather like at those times? Are you sure you are not doing anything that can make them uncomfortable, perhaps in phrases you use?

    Ask yourself these questions and see if you cannot see a pattern, or a link that all the women have in common.

    Also, do any of the men you encounter act out any of the same behaviors?

    I get the feeling English might not be your first language? If so, that may also factor in.
     
  5. Mibesti

    Mibesti New Fapstronaut

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    I get this from all kind of women, old and young, all ethnicities, anytime, anywhere. Yes, I am a foreigner in one of the biggest cities in Canada, but there are many foreigners and also there are many Caucasians and not caucasians using facial hair like me (just a thick goatee but it is not long). I am not religious or wear any kind of religious symbology.

    My guess is that I am being perceived as a very masculine and exotic guy, but again I don't consider myself attractive (rough facial features). Also, It is not like they do this to every foreigner or bearded Caucasian men. I see them acting normally around those guys.

    I dont interact with women when I walking outside. Some of them are just staring at me, even when I try to avoid eye contact and ignore them, but most of the time is a bad vibe. Not a dirty look or a hate look (I know the difference). It is mostly some interest and fear.

    Anyways, I feel uncomfortable. They are showing interest in me, although in a bad way. They mostly have a visceral body reaction (primal?). I don't know how I should act.

    Men are mostly ok me with me. I don't see anything really outstanding, except East Asian men that I perceive as being a little bit triggered by my beard (I guess).
     
  6. Alpha Romeo

    Alpha Romeo Fapstronaut

    What part of canada ? you can just say the province if the city is too close for you.
     
  7. Mibesti

    Mibesti New Fapstronaut

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  8. Alpha Romeo

    Alpha Romeo Fapstronaut

    If you said Qc then I would've said it might have to do with you being foreingner but alberta I doubt it especially if you are from from Edmonton.
     
  9. EthanW.

    EthanW. Fapstronaut

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    So, paint me a scenario:

    "You are walking down the street and you pass by a woman. She looks up to see you, then becomes afraid. Then tries to avoid you. And you're not doing anything, at that point."

    Is that accurate? You don't do anything? No gestures when you move, no facial tics, nothing?
     
  10. Mibesti

    Mibesti New Fapstronaut

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    I edited your paragraph. I try to avoid eye contact and mind my business but stares are still there. No facial tics, no gestures, nothing.

    Let me just give two examples from last night. I took the train to go somewhere. I am sitting listening to music from my phone. Two women entered the train and by chance they chose the seats in front of me. They are the loud type, trouble makers, one native American and one Caucasian. Trashy looks, loud and no regard for passengers around when they entered the train, then they noticed me.

    I felt their mood changed, more quiet and behaved. They started to chat while I am sitting there, both, them and I avoiding eye contact, but somehow I can feel they are uncomfortable as usual.

    Then, for a moment I looked at the native American woman. She was not facing me, but sitting sideways talking to the other woman. Well, she had that weird reaction, instinctive, visceral and quickly covered her head with her hoodie, and covered her eyes with sunglasses. I am assuming she was feeling shame and fear. She was really uncomfortable when she noticed I was going to take a look at her, and it was just a matter of milliseconds to get that reaction. She did not think. She just acted in an instinctive way.

    Second one. I did transfer to another train. Now I sit close to a Filipino woman, but there one empty seat between us. Again I am minding my business and avoiding eye contact. Again I get another woman stroking her hair every few seconds and looking at me with fear and distrust.
     
  11. Marik757

    Marik757 Fapstronaut

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    Studying female body language is an good and all, but i believe you're over analyzing the situation. When instead you should focused on the job at hand.

    Your mindset sounds like you're there to pick up women for dating terms. Am I attractive? What physical traits about me does she think are my strong points? Stop that!

    First off she doesnt give an damn about your attractiveness, nor should you about hers. She just wants to get to her destination safely and fast. Her only concern is: You're an Male driver. So you need to make her feel comfortable and safe.

    She didnt call an uber for speed dating...

    She's twirling her hair. She might be excited about the person she's about to meet up with.

    She feels nervous and shaking. Ask if it's ok to crack the window, and change radio station to what she likes.

    Dont compliment her looks. That would mean you're checking her out and could creep her out. Make eye contact during first initial meet up and greet her positively. If she holds an conversation focus on the road. If you make eye contact in the mirror while talking to her then do so with an smile on your face. Drop her off and worry about your next customer.
     
    Last edited: Jan 28, 2019
    u376 likes this.
  12. Are you a really big guy? Maybe you have "resting bitch face." An expression that means, your natural, resting face, happens to look aggressive or angry.

    If you are a big guy, it's possible that some of these situations could simply be boiled down to that. You're a guy and you're large, so that's intimidating and women feel the need to be cautious. I'm extremely cautious in public, especially if I were on a train or bus. or walking to my car in a parking lot.

    One thing I will say is, if you are able to describe the movements of these women in such great detail, it seems like you might be staring at them a LOT more than you think you are. If you really are minding your own business and not looking at them at all, then you wouldnt even notice this stuff.
     
  13. Mibesti

    Mibesti New Fapstronaut

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    You gave me a good tip, thanks. That's the kind of advise I was looking when I opened this thread. Even though women should not assume the worst of me I know I should make them feel safe and confortable when using the service.

    Anyway, my routine with my female passengers is to greet them with a welcoming tone of voice but I would say I avoid eye contact when they enter the car. I will try to make eye contact in a positive way in the first meet up. That probably will set the tone for a more positive interaction.

    I have to say I don't start a conversation or compliment female passengers though. I am focused in my driving. If she wants to talk I am willing to hold a conversation in a positive way, but my routine is keep it quiet and take the lady to her destination in a safely and fast way. I don't want to get a complaint about harassment.
     
  14. Another thing to note is not to take it personally, necessarily, when women are cautious. It might not even have anything to do with you, but rather their own fears or past experiences.

    I think its important to realize that these strangers dont know you at all. They dont know if you're a nice, normal guy or not.

    I've seen so many guys freak out or get really offended when a woman doesnt feel safe being alone with them or something, but it's like dude, she doesnt know you. She has no idea if you're a decent person or a rapist or a murderer. So she has to be careful.

    I remember, in contrast, I had a really positive experience one time with a guy who definitely understood this reality. I was alone, had just gotten back into my car after shopping, and I always lock the doors right when I get inside. And a man knocked on my window, like he wanted me to roll it down. I didnt feel like it would be a wise decision, since i was alone and hes a stranger, so I just gave him a polite smile and a sort of "no thank you" shake of the head. I think I mouthed "no, sorry" or something like that. And instead of getting offended, he smiled back and gave an understanding nod and walked away.

    I think about that a lot, because I was really happy with the way the guy reacted. I felt a little bad about being "rude," but it was what was wise for my own safety. And he clearly understood that completely, and the way he responded and the expression he had seemed like he totally understood that it was wise of me to be cautious, even if he wasnt a bad guy or planning to do anything nefarious.

    Anyway, I just think that's good to remember. I feel like if I were a guy and I saw a woman being cautious around me, I would probably be a little bit proud of her. Like good for you, you should be cautious around strangers. It might sting a little if you arent a creep, but try not to take it personally. It might not even have anything to do with you.
     
  15. Mibesti

    Mibesti New Fapstronaut

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    Another great point. It is posible I have a "bitch resting face". I am kinda big but not really. I am 6 feet tall.

    Well, these were two instances that made me umconfortable, but believe me If I would choose to stare back the same way women do to me I would be sitting in jail right now.

    For the most part I try to go around minding my business but it is impossible to not be noticing all the stares or when a woman feels is ok to make all kind of gestures in your presence. Sometimes I use my sunglasses to send a signal I don't want to be stared, but that probably makes it weirder.
     
    Last edited: Jan 28, 2019
    Deleted Account likes this.
  16. Unfortunately, race might play a factor as well. It shouldnt, but that's just reality. :/ and of course there's nothing you can do about that. That's their problem.
     
  17. Mibesti

    Mibesti New Fapstronaut

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    I am mixed, half European. I get all kind of nationalities. For the most part people know I am mixed but some nationalities or ethnicities I have got before: Brazilian, Colombian, Cuban, French, East European, Afghani, Pakistani, Morrocan.

    I had a laugh a few days ago, when a white Canadian was exiting the car and told me that I was the first Caucasian he had in months. I didn't interact with him so he didn't catch my accent, so I decided just to nod and smile and leave the man go happy for not interacting with one of those "foreigners".
     
  18. IGY

    IGY Fapstronaut
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    Quite honestly, @Mibesti, I am with Marik757 on this one. You seem very self-conscious, especially with the opposite sex. I just had a think back to the interactions I have had with women this last week and I cannot even remember what they did or didn't so with their hair; how they looked at me or any specific body language. But if you intend to continue looking for a meaning in each look and gesture, @Castielle has given you some excellent pointers. But I would say, chill.
     
    u376, Deleted Account and Mibesti like this.
  19. I will add to this thread, Years of dating and getting phone numbers getting turned down I learned something. I CANNOT READ MINDS and a lot that is written on how someone should or shouldn't act when there interested is overrated . I had women that were smiling and putting there hands threw there hair turn me down and I have had women who didn't smile or act that interested I found to be very interested in me from there friends. When in doubt just ask them out
     
    EthanW. and CH3RRY like this.

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