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Almost blew it today!!

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by Nu-Dae, Jan 19, 2019.

  1. Nu-Dae

    Nu-Dae Fapstronaut

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    She DM'd me last night. She's bad as hell, sexy like you wouldn't believe. She's also smart and funny, and I'd be one lucky s.o.b. to get with her. And I know that she likes me, 'cause she told me when we first met. But I was with someone. Then she was with someone. But whenever we saw each other, we always played it cool, like we can hear a song playing in the background that no one else could.

    Yesterday was good day. I went to this all day networking thing. Got a bunch of solid leads for my business, I posted a bunch of great pics/stories with some really influential people in our industry. And I did it all being 60 plus days PMO free. (Which is an amazing feeling anytime the thought passes through your mind.)

    Got home, started following up on some leads, made some plans for the next day and the next week, then made some food and put on some music to relax. That's when she hit me up, like 8 pm. She saw my posts, we exchanged messages. She's one of them girls that's sexy even when she's not trying, because part of what makes her so sexy is that she's not even trying.

    We exchanged messages for an hour or so. But I'm with someone right now, so I can't let it get too far. I end things with a joke and just let the conversation settle.

    Anyway, this morning after being up for 20 minutes or so, I re-read our messages. Again, it wasn't anything crazy, but it was enough for me to start fantasizing about being with her. And before I know it, the blood's rushing downstairs and I take it out, grab it....

    And then jump off the bed!

    I know from years of being stuck in bad pmo cycles that fantasizing on my bed, with my phone in hand, is one of my "trigger spots", so I pretty much ran into the kitchen, splashed water on my face, closed my phone and put it on the charger (out of my hand), and whooped and laughed over the sink until the feeling passed.

    I say all of that to say this: Sometimes victory can defeat you. (Dark Knight Rises anyone?) I let my guard down. I got comfortable. I got a little too proud of myself. I let my ego blind me, and my desires/lust/fantasies almost got the best of me.

    For over a decade, I've had a bad PMO problem, and all the fun side effects that come with (ED, PE, depression, bad skin, out of shape, social anxiety, you get it....). This is the first time I've hit 60 days since I was 19 (I did a year then). And one thing I've been reflecting on lately is that I don't want a fantasy life. I don't want to lose myself in fake sex with girls that I'll never love in real life. I don't want to lose myself in commercials for sports cars or instagram celebrities or anything that's not real. I want the shittiest reality more than I want the most amazing fantasy. Because it's real and it's mine.

    We can make it through this guys (and girls). This addiction is not bigger than us. It's small and weak and frail, and we can beat it. We can win. We will win.

    So do what you need to do. For me today, it was immediate pattern breaking. I got out of my trigger space, I walked around (it's hard to jerk off if I'm moving lol), I put my phone away (DM's, social media, porn- for me and my porn mind, it can all begin a chain reaction, if I let it), I hit myself with cold water and began yelling and laughing to change my mental state. To be honest, I would've ran around the block 12 times if that's what was needed.

    My reality is too important to me. Whether it's shitty or perfect or somewhere in between, it's mine. And I'm not giving it up again.
     
    Last edited: Jan 19, 2019
    It's_ya_boy, K423, Helmet430 and 14 others like this.
  2. Nu-Dae

    Nu-Dae Fapstronaut

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    Quick thought: I hope I don't have to explain this, but it's not her fault. She did nothing but be another person in the world. I don't blame her or think she's responsible for triggering me or anything like that. I'm not going to avoid her in the future. In fact, in an indirect way, I appreciate that her attention led me to an internal conflict that taught me more about myself and helped me continue on this journey. Just thought that was worth adding.
     
  3. You can even think of it as: she helped you get stronger and reach the next level. You should be really proud of yourself dude! 2 weeks time and i'll hit my 60th day too :)
     
  4. tet2vd

    tet2vd Fapstronaut

    Man that IS inspirational! @nudae also good on you for that solid moral compass man. You got this. Seems to be a common thing that us NoFap guys (and girls for those reading out there) keep having these realizations the further we go along our no PMO journey.
     
  5. Very well written and inspirational post. Your line where you say " I want the shittiest reality more than I want the most amazing fantasy. Because it's real and it's mine ". That line is a real keeper, my friend. Thank You for sharing and helping us all .
     
    Ogikubo, barteljaap and nudae like this.
  6. Dogmatico

    Dogmatico Fapstronaut

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    Honestly though mate, if you're seeing this girl as a possibility and you're with someone right now. You should get out of that situation quickly, only time will tell what will happen. But if you do the dirty on that person you're with. You won't recover. Do not play with fire, you obviously have some mental images and feelings for this other chick. Again do not play with fire.
     
    barteljaap and tet2vd like this.
  7. control your life

    control your life Distinguished Fapstronaut

    nice inspirational post ,thank you!
     
    nudae likes this.
  8. Nu-Dae

    Nu-Dae Fapstronaut

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    5 more days and you're at 30 days!!! Keep going!!
     
  9. Well written; well done.
     
    nudae likes this.
  10. barteljaap

    barteljaap Fapstronaut

    very strong post! Thanks for posting.
    This hit me the most of it all. Great people are made in shitty places, shitty people are made in fantastic places.
     
    K423, Ogikubo, nudae and 1 other person like this.
  11. Nu-Dae

    Nu-Dae Fapstronaut

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    Hey!!!! 30 days, bro!! How does it feel??
     
  12. You really nailed it, man. With an attitude like that, you will do great. My hat is off to you. Hope I can do the same.
     
    nudae likes this.
  13. Retentionman

    Retentionman Fapstronaut

    Yes!

    You have the strenght brother, well done
     
    nudae likes this.
  14. Nu-Dae

    Nu-Dae Fapstronaut

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    You can. We all can. It's hard at first, but so worth it!
     
  15. Nu-Dae

    Nu-Dae Fapstronaut

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    Looks like you're not doing so bad yourself. Congratulations, let's keep going!
     
    Retentionman likes this.
  16. Retentionman

    Retentionman Fapstronaut

    Haha indeed, only a few days behind, watch out!
    Let's do this man
     
    nudae likes this.

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