Here down I go again

I have spent the best days of my life in my last rebooting experience. I have just stood for 28 days but it has affected me positively in all aspects of my life. I did very well academically, I was more socially active and I had a massive self-confidence. However as things never turn around so good and because I'm heavily addicted to PMO since my late childhood. I have been greatly suffering alot of binge-porn and masturbation and when my family were not being home, I used to spend all of my days and nights watching porn and then I go into a state of lethargy and restlessness where I lost motivation to do anything in life. My family have just returned home 3 days ago and I have exams on the next week which I have not yet started to study for. I need to do nofap streak again. 90 days, that's what I am going for. I suffer insomnia during nofap but I will resist all the urges and I will study in the local coffee in my area to change my surroundings.

 

Thank you for your support. I will keep post at each stage of my journey

 

I have relapsed again. I did it one time yesterday and I was about to do it today. When my mom confronted me and told me to go and take a bath and pray for god. I felt so ashamed of myself and decided that I should get back to a new streak. I should never give up. I realised that my habit pattern is very much attached to my sleeping pattern. I do it almost always at the end of the day when I was about to sleep. It helps me to suppress all the pain, to mask it and to help me sleep. Therefore I started taking back my Remeron for the anxiety and insomnia I get it. I woke up today at 6'0 p.m so I will try to go all-nighter today to study for my quizzes. and I will not surrender for my habit loop to take down my life.

 

May be I need to go for a cognitive behavioral therapist and go on with a good psychotherapy. Adopt a good sleeping routine and wake up each day early. stopping my heavy coffee drinking and go to the gym. Study hard for my exams and ceasing time wastage on internet and Youtube. I really need to change.

 

0 days again, today was the "heavy pornographic days". I have been awaken since 2 days. I could not sleep and when I lost it I decide i am gonna finally fap to relax but to realise that porn made it worse. I stood lying in bed for some time trying to sleep completely soaked in shame to finally wake up and get a very painful stomach ache. I have been eating noodles and unhealthy food since 2 days. Not to mention I could not revise for my quizzes well. My mind is not clear and I feel hazy, nauseous and I have to get down now for my quiz. I am in medical school and I am supposed to be an A* student. God I am losing everything. Please anyone help I can't stop this shit.

 

thank you guys, I could not reply on your greatly motivating and supporting replies. Because I have greatly cut off my social media and electronics use. I have been in a streak since then, thanks to god. I have managed to get some clarity after all. I really appreciate all your positive replies. Hoping to go forward with my streak on the next days and doing well academically. I have also managed to hit the gym yesterday early in the morning before university. It was refreshing and I felt very healthily. although yesterday I was out my friends, and they kept talking about all those models and their bodies so when I returned home I had some urges to fap but I resisted it and went to sleep. I realised that by improving my circadian rhythm and sleeping cycle, I could really avoid the long hours doing nothing and trying to sleep.

 

I relapsed again. . After all this motivation I got, I totally lost it yesterday. I masturbated one time, it all started when I saw that youtube ad, it totally got me. This time, it was not because of boredom or frustration. I was really turned on. I do not know me, I felt I could stop it but instead I went for it. I guess I should really restrict my internet usage in these early days of rebooting. It really drives me back to my old habit. ques every where and my mind just surrender to the old ques and Imagine the pleasure. I should try harder the next time. and focus on my studies without wasting much time on social media. It is all junk material anyways.