Shyness and social awkwardness..

Hey there,
since you came to a NoFap-Forum for help I assume that you have a problem with either Porn, Masturbation or both?

If so, abstaining from Porn can help you to enhance your confidence and improve your social skills. For me smalltalk for example feels much more enjoyable and easy as it did while I was hooked on P (Day 103 clean today). I think it´s about the shame we internalize according to our sexual behaviours. As soon as we abstain from porn our brain starts to move away from the fake reality porn makes us believe in. We re-learn to respect ourselves and this allows us to enjoy social contacts without being ashamed of the things we were used to hide from the world around us.

 

You're right. I didn't realise that porn was the cause for my social anxiety until i withered myself away from it. I can feel that i am more confident now and it yields so many benefits like you don't get angry at people that often and you are mostly in a good mood. Stay fixed on your journey and you social awkwardness would go away slowly from time to time.

 

Start with looking into audiobooks, books, or motivational/confidence YouTube videos. Learn things about youself that you may have never realized. Be proactive and fine an new routine in life.

Dont fall into the trap of constantly 'relating youself' to others during down times, and using it as an justification to be at peace with. The more you choose to relate the more your mindset will accept the negative facts. Instead you should learn from others on how to improve in small steps.

 

To have Confidence is such an broad statement. I like to think of it as being able to have some form of direction in conversations. i mean like knowing what you're doing and getting/sticking to the point.

Even though you had to repeat yourself you stuck to the subject/task, and accomplished something. Of course that feels great! Now if you keep that mindset you can do anything and things will keep improving.

 

I think this needs a practice to be more confident. I am sure there are books and articles speak about it. Also I would most likely relate it to social anxiety, it differs from a person to another but it does. Not to mention, it is known that pmo causes different types of anxiety and social anixanx is a major one that many pmoers complain about. You need to practice and work on controlling it because it is controllable.

 

I think a lot of difficulty comes from us stressing over it, sort of a chicken and egg dilemma. We stress about it, which makes us anxious, so we have difficulties socializing, so we stress more...and so on.
Personally, I am an introvert, I find social interactions very uncomfortable. But I started to reflect about who I am, and who I want to be. And I have plenty of flaws, which is normal, but I am working on them, and as a result, I am comfortable with who I am. And as a result, I don't worry anymore about what others think of me.
I hope this will be of help to you OP, or anyone else

 

Remember that other people most likely see you the way you see them, not the way you see yourself

 

Heyy, same problem here sis... There's this great line I heard in a YT video once: " You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realize how seldom they do."
I started testing it on others, and observing situations where someone in class said something I found to be a bit awkward or weird, or just simply answered a question, or interacted with me or with any other classmate, and I realized that I wouldn't think about them for too long (if at all). And I realized that no one is ever going to think about me for too long if I were to say or do something embarrassing or awkward, one moment they'll notice and the next they'll be back to their own thoughts and worries about themselves and their own lives...

And of course PMO plays a major role in social awkwardness and anxiety, it's like the weight of your addiction and the shame and guilt is not allowing you to even stand up straight or look someone in the eyes.

 

For real, think of who you are, and who would you like to be. Then start working on becoming that person. No stress or anger or self loathing or anything, just the pursuit of a goal. You'll see that all the anxiety will fade in time

 

I can relate to that. In many situations I am just so silent and shy and I don't know how to approach people. I don't know a solution, but I think doing nofap is the first step for getting better at that stuff. I mean how are we supposed to make good conversation with all that fog in our brains? My strategy at the moment is to try to laugh about situations where I was awkward.
Just wanted to let you know you are not alone with that problem. Keep up the fight

 

Porn and the outgrowths of addictive porn use led to massive anxiety. And then I used porn to relieve the anxiety. Which caused more self loathing and shame. Which led to more escape to porn. Which led to persistent loneliness. Etc. etc. Only after starving my brain of porn did anxiety begin the dissipate. I came out of the shadows. Became a participant in life. Became ok with being an introvert but not ok with avoiding connection. Life is sooo much better without a porn habit.

 

https://fs.blog/2012/07/how-to-win-friends-and-influence-people/ There are other summaries all over the web with more detail.

- Skip to 3:00 in. Habit 5. It covers empathic listening.

These should give you some idea of what to do in a conversation, which should make you feel more confident starting / participating. Ultimately it will take practice.

Reading helps with eloquence. Basic breath focused meditation has helped me massively with spontaneity and confidence.

keep fighting

 

(English is not my first language, sorry)

Maybe oneday you will meet someone who’s patient enough for you to realize consciously and unconsciously that It’s ok to be shy with him of her. Then you would gradually solve this shy problem.