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Question For Americans

Discussion in 'Off-topic Discussion' started by Deleted Account, Feb 16, 2019.

  1. (WARNING- Contains mention of willies)


    I remember very clearly my first toilet visit when I flew out to America with my unpleasant girlfriend at the time, for a 4 week trip. Went into the airport toilet. The water was really high in the bowl. Obviously I didn't want my bellend dangling in some disgusting shit water. Certainly my girlfriend wouldn't want that.

    OK I thought, this toilet must be malfunctioning. Checked another couple of toilet cubicles. Same deal.

    Alright I thought, maybe it's some weird thing to do with disabled people that I don't understand, maybe some law they have to keep things accessible. Or maybe it's some strange money saving device in US airport toilets. Needs must my friends, so I conducted a 2 stage operation:

    1. Urinate first so I don't have to worry about any fluid expulsion while dropping the boys off at the pool.

    2. Carefully gripped my meat and 2 veg, and lifted them up and to the side, before sitting down and uncomfortably defecating.

    Couldn't wait to get the motel and have a civilised toilet experience. Of course I get there...same deal!

    Over the 4 weeks travelling around I visited all kinds of toilets- luxury hotels, museums, motels, etc. The only time I saw a toilet with the proper water level was one glorious time. It was at the residence of a man who was born and raised in God's own country, England, so I thought that perhaps he'd had it plumbed specially. I couldn't ask him because my girlfriend was there, and I didn't want to put her off sex by mentioning the rather unattractive problem I was having (have no fear, I kept my peter clean as a whistle at all times- through considerable effort).

    So I went round America with this dark secret. Sometimes I thought maybe there was something wrong with my hips which meant my tackle dangled lower in the bowl than it should. Other times I wondered, if my willy was somehow attached lower down my body than other mens. I knew my johnson was larger than average, but there should surely be not only accomodation for every size, but enough of a clearance that the size of the member is rendered a non issue.

    So Americans...what's going on? Do you all just accept grabbing and yanking your tackle out the way every time you take a dump? Do you tolerate splash from big poos richocheting right onto your scrotum? Please for the love of God, please please tell me that you don't let your bellend dangle right in that water.

    I don't understand why this issue isn't talked about more. Anyway you guys conceive as yourself a a first world nation right...help me understand. Would you like us to send some plumbers round?

    EDIT- IMPORTANT UPDATE:


    THAT'S ANOTHER THING. I'd forgot. In civilised nations, it's plumbed so the water level remains constant regardless of the amount of fecal matter one coils out. And I can assure you that on my high calorie workout diet, I've been putting in serious work on the porcelain throne in the last few weeks.

    But in the USA, yeah, the water level rises when you shit, like something out of a horror film.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 17, 2019
    +TenPercent and Deleted Account like this.
  2. You're supposed to dip it in water so it doesn't make a sound. :D:D
     
    Gotham Outlaw and HoksterTy like this.
  3. I'm going to go ahead and assume you are joking...for the sake of my sanity...
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  4. I'm gonna go ahead and assume that you're either exaggerating or you have quite a large package and some low hanging nuts because I've never run into this problem and I'm at least average if not slightly above.
     
  5. Marik757

    Marik757 Fapstronaut

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    Squat down on the toilet seat then poo.

    Problem solved
     
    Ra's Al Ghul likes this.
  6. I'm not exaggerating, and my package is not absurdly, mutantly large to the point where what I said before doesn't apply:

    What states have you been in?

    I'm looking forward to some answers on this, although I suspect that Americans have gotten caught up in a multi-generational conspiracy of silence on the topic, as it's probably a source of national shame. Where is the dissident intellectual when we need them...
     
  7. Idk but I got a question for England. Do y'all call it restroom, bathroom, washroom, or just toilet. Or all above?
     
  8. We call it the khazi, the bog, the toilet, the shitter. Delicate people call it the bathroom.

    In old days posh people called it the 'powder room' sometimes. I was in this very expensive hotel my mate was working in, and as we were walking through the corridors I saw, 'ladies powder room.' I was about to joke to her that rich women went in there to 'powder their nose' (sniff Charlie)...I pointed to the sign, but before I could get a word out, my mate said, 'yeah that's there for the rich women to have a place to sniff cocaine' (she wasn't joking).
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  9. In the US we fancy shitting on other countries not in toilets. Just kidding. This has never occurred to me but come to think of it I always found shitting an uncomfortable experience for many of the reasons you listed. Perhaps I assumed there was no better way.
     
  10. Yeah that's funny. I've heard stories of Americans in Britain asking directions to a bathroom or "restroom" and they're like... "sir, we usually rest or take a bath at home" so I was just wondering. Idk if these stories are really just the British natives fucking w Americans when they visit or what
     
  11. mondhamray

    mondhamray Fapstronaut

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    I'm an American now living in Europe. I've had the exact opposite problem. Rarely did I ever have an issue with my junk touching the inside of the bowl or water inside, but toilets here, across several countries that I've been to, are all so tiny the I have to hold my junk back or else it was rub the inside of the toilet.
     
  12. Keep your junks clean from toilet bowl water if youre gonna get head from your girl or gonna have sex!!!! @.@
     
  13. Yeah, we're fucking with you.
     
  14. Gotham Outlaw

    Gotham Outlaw Fapstronaut

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    How much water is in your toilets?
     
  15. This image from wikipedia gives a rough idea of standard procedure.

    Australian_Toilet.JPG
     
  16. Minnesotan

    Minnesotan Fapstronaut

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    There’s hardly any water in that thing!
     
    Gotham Outlaw likes this.
  17. I imagine you guys get a lot of shit stains in those turdlets.
     
    Knighthawk and Gotham Outlaw like this.
  18. Slick Willie

    Slick Willie Fapstronaut

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    Leave the lid with the hole down. That should help.
     
  19. The words of a savage.

    Not most of the time. We shit straight down into the water- clever stuff eh. Another cool thing we do, is clean.

    Anyway, I'd rather get shit stains on the toilet than have my bellend soaked in shitty water. That should be no contest.

    Very funny :p

    Still no satisfactory answers on this. I'm thinking about what avenues are available for recourse...perhaps getting the UN involved or your Supreme Court. Maybe some kind of international trade sanctions.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  20. Have you tried perching gargoyle style with both feet on the seat? That would give you at least 6 more inches of clearance and the benefit of anonymity since your feet would not be seen under the stall. I heard a deep squat is a healthy position too.
     

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