No relationship

Just stop fapping, and realize that nothing's wrong with being single. Being single is severely underrated, even without sex. Believe it or not, there's some uber-helpful YouTube videos on topics like that(Based Zeus is my fav, by far). He'll make you realize that it's not you, but your way of thinking. Besides, seeking verification from a place like Tinder is a bad idea, seeing as looks is like the FIRST thing that comes into play, then other things that the average guy lacks (just being truthful, average guy here)

 

Bars are a terrible place to meet someone for dating. Not including people who go there with friends for some downtime from a hard week of work or w.e, I'm strictly talking about the single people that go to find someone. They're essentially sulking about their life and drinking to absolve that feeling, I wouldn't want someone with that kind of attitude in my life.

Tinder isn't much better. People with rampant sexual desires jumping from person to person trying to "find" what's missing in their life, which really cant be found anywhere else but within, ironically. You wont find much of an emotional/deep connection with someone on dating apps. I've heard miracle stories, but those are like lottery level odds.

Finding joy by being with yourself is very important, do things you enjoy on your own. One thing I've heard from females is something along the lines of them "liking people who enjoy life" a life that others want to be part of and share experiences with. This extends beyond potential dating partners, potential friends look for the same kind of theme.

Do you hang out with people who have similar common interests as you? I would start there. Whether it's video games, reading, art, sports, many people enjoy these hobbies, it's not impossible to make a few friendly connections. It just requires you to get out of comfort zones into the unknown, which can be scary for many, but I believe this is the one of the few ways to open up as a person.

 

Probably sounds weird to you but I am telling you that girl and being alone without girl has nothing to do with your loneliness.

You loneliness comes from deeper within. Even if you find a girl you will be addicted to her as she will be just something for you to avoid your loneliness. Sounds harsh but that's basic psychology. Your loneliness is caused because some sort of childhood trauma has affected you so much that you have disconnected from your essence. You need to reconnect this but it is very hard. I have the same problem and mostly all of these guys here on nofap. This disconnection from our essence makes an addictive pattern in us to avoid this inner loneliness and fear and boredom and pain.

 

So the problem is that you're lonely because you're unable to date women.

You already know what to do. You said your conversations skills are lacking. You feel that you're unable to create attraction. That you're shy. Definitely need to try better places to meet women.

These are all things you need to learn more about and improve on.

You never get to grow in these areas because you escape the problem and the necessary work via porn and masturbation.

So currently you're getting better and better at escaping reality, the problem of not being able to attract women is getting bigger and bigger as time goes on, and you keep neglecting what you need to do to solve that problem.

Are you really left wondering why you haven't seen any positive changes in this area of your life?

 

Il est très difficile de trouver le bonheur en soi et impossible de le trouver ailleurs. - Nicolas de Chamfort.

It is very difficult to find happiness in oneself and impossible to find it elsewhere.

 

First I want to get a couple of things straight. Most of the suggestions you hear these days are be comfortable, confident more attentive to your appearance etc. are correct but they don't really tackle the fundamental problem of the source honestly. These seem like very ambiguous concepts and each of them require significant soul searching if you're going to understand them. If you began fapping because you're feeling alone that's a very similar habit to drinking ,behaviorally, because you're lonely (I'm guilty of this too). You're trying to fill the void with something that doesn't really fit that piece of the puzzle. What you're really lacking , from my experience, is social contact, genuine social contact. Do you have any good relationship with family or friends? Now might be the time to do something special with them.

It's also important to get your house in order and also understand that the urge to connect is a primal urge very similar to any other urge. It comes and comes every single time with a certain degree of intensity. I don't think there's a permanent solution to loneliness, every time it comes we need to find a way to understand it and move on or satiate it. How you choose to deal with it is upto you. But I highly recommend you take up some serious meditation, especially practicing mindfulness can be of great help.

To end my rant I want you to know I'm in the same place you are and I suffer from a lot of inhibitions and anxieties very similar to what you're going through, so you're never really alone .

 

You need to take care and love yourself first before jumping into an serious relationship....

People start NoFap, and now want to jump into the dating scene. Bad move...

Tell me about yourself? For most it would be: you're shy, not confident, cant talk to women, and probably dont have an life because you sat behind an screen for years...

How are women suppose to feel attracted to someone who isn't confident with themself? Or have no interests, or life to even have conversations with?

Just because you met an woman at an library vs. an bar doesnt mean you'll have an better chance for them to feel sorry for you and date. They'll still see you as weak and unconfident. They dont want to teach an guy on how to be confident. You should already be that...

You need to work on yourself and your life. To be productive, and enjoy doing what you like 'alone.' When women see that in an person they become interested and will probably approach you to learn more about you.

"Get comfortable with the uncomfortable."

If you're shy, find things to do that can involve other people. It doesnt have to be with just friends.

Cant talk to women? Spend time around with your female friends/coworkers (dont look for an relationship) until you get comfortable around women in general.


If you just want to play the dating game, and learn how to approach an women as you are now. Then I would suggest you go read an pick-up artist (PUA) guide book instead. But it's not like things will change much around women. Those guides will tell you the same thing, you need to be confident first.

 

Im in kind of the same situation... i hope to get an amazing relationsship some day, but also a more fulfilling social life in general.

My thoughts and approach on this nowadays is to cultivate as much self care, self love & focussing on life goals instead of searching too much... when i compare my own situation to a year ago... things have already improved a lot... so i believe it is the right approach.. to make your own life as cool & interesting to yourself as possible. And purifying the heart & soul.. I see NoFap as a very important aspect in that.

I have to remind myself.. the day when you plant the seed is not the same day your bear the fruit.. so steadily working in the direction of becoming my best self, working towards my best life, cultivating as much goodness, purity from within. But at the same time being practical, extending comfort zones, opening up to Life.. but when you are more happy & proud of your own self and life, goodness in the outside world can arrive more easy.. i believe but yeah, it's all a journey.. journey of Life ! Keep it cool & keep it going

 

this is really good advice. Now that you say it, i think my problem lately is after a couple weeks of nofap, i desperately try to spend time with women.
ironically, OP, the only way to develop confidence- real manly confidence is nofap. Nofap is the best way to become an alpha male

 

Read up on Albert Ellis. I found his story to be quite motivating.

 

His life and work both in general revolve around overcoming internal conflict, shyness and other psychological stuff. He in particular was very introverted and shy and his theories are somewhat based on his personal approaches to overcoming them. So you'll find inspiration either way in his work and his life story. Doubt the wiki will hit the points you're looking for, but you never know.

 

i never had anything and many others too. you should be grateful

 

Hey man, I understood there are basically 3 ways in which you can meet women.

1. Online apps - like tinder or OKCUPID, or any other app you are using. These apps are great but can be tiring because you need to invest effort before knowing the person face to face.

2. Approaching a woman in the bar/street/anywhere else you like. This is might be the best place to meet a woman. But the catch here is that it takes a lot of gutts talking to a strange woman in the street/bar/somewhere else. If you suceed you can be happy.

3. Meet girls through friends who know you their friends. This can be a great way, though, I find it risky because if it does'nt work it can make you feel akward with your friends. Though maybe not for everyone, I at least had this vibe.

Hope that I helped you man.
Good luck with finding someone.

 

Excellent.

 

I’m on the same boat as you buddy. I’ve just keep away from woman cause I scare them away. I don’t know what to talk about. And dating online is wack better to be going out and meeting up