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Struggling with edging

Discussion in 'Compulsive Sexual Behavior' started by Trevelyan357, Feb 14, 2019.

  1. Trevelyan357

    Trevelyan357 Fapstronaut

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    Hello everyone:

    I haven't been on here for a while but decided to come back. I am still struggling with my addiction. Today I just spent the last four to five hours edging in my room. I didn't orgasm but I feel awful right now. My eyes feel weird(dry) and I feel empty. Even though I have filters on my computer, I managed to find more material to fap off to. It doesn't seem to matter what filters I have on here. I always seem to find something else.

    I used to keep a counter to keep track of streaks. I don't even bother to do that anymore because I keep slipping. I am wondering why I am even bothering to do nofap at all. When I say this, I am not denying that I have a problem. I absolutely have a problem.

    I have been going to a SAA meetings for almost three years now. I used to open up about my struggles. But I haven't been open for a while. I haven't been able to talk to people about my addiction and slips. I feel that everyone there is tired of hearing about me slipping over and over again. It's not like anyone there cares enough to ask how I'm doing. I worry about being shamed for slipping again.

    It's not like I don't know what to do. Don't peek and don't touch. It is such a simple freaking thing but I am not doing it. I don't know why I can't commit myself to this.

    End of rant.
     
  2. MustangSally

    MustangSally Fapstronaut

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    Hey pal. Welcome back on here. Edging can be very hard to overcome! it's been the bane of my existence too. While it's great to have rules to nofap by, the only way you are going to beat this is if you establish new habits. For me, I don't sleep with my phone in my bedroom at night any more. When it's within reach, I know it's easier for me to slip up and start browsing, even if it's just instagram or something stupid. When you feel urges, try dropping down on the floor and banging out 10-20 pushups. For me, I've been most vulnerable to edging in the mornings, even AFTER I've removed my phone from my bedroom. I most recently started journaling a bit in the morning, as soon as I wake up. I simply write down any thoughts that come to my mind on piece of paper, whatever the fuck they may be. You need to find shit to redirect your thoughts and find alternative positive outlets. It's not simple enough to do on willpower alone, I totally agree with you. But try and find the times you are most weak/vulnerable to your negative habits and see what elements you can begin removing from your environment, like either the phone or computer and then also seek to create a new habit, whether it be reading or working out or meditation. It will interrupt your old habits and help get your brain focusing on something positive. Stay strong and believe in yourself!
     
  3. ImpureHuman

    ImpureHuman Fapstronaut

    I can only advice and pray for you, but you are only person who can help you.
    Find the right mindset, bro.
     
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  4. Besides trying to overcome ED issues one of the main reasons I am trying to give up PMO is edging. I can't believe all the hours I've wasted.I would wind up spending an hour after edging before I came home from work.More recently now that I'm a widower and live alone I would spend the whole morning doing it. Its not easy but if this old dog can change so can you.
     
  5. Maybe there are one or two tricks that you have yet to pick up. Same situation with me. We must keep faith and keep searching.
     
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  6. Dude I just relapsed after edging for 3 hours. You need to release that edging leads to relapse.
     
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  7. Tryingto

    Tryingto Fapstronaut

    This is a painful post for how closely it echoes my own experience.

    I too struggle with edging. There's part of me that keeps insisting it's not PMO - even though I darn well know it is! It's like p-subs. Some part of me keeps insisting these are not porn - even though I darn well know they are when I use them as I typically use them! This addiction is tricky and intelligent and oh so convincing! Which is likely why, like you, I keep finding more material even though my computer is filtered.

    For me, coming here is helpful - even though it sometimes seems futile. When I come here daily and spend at least fifteen minutes reading and writing, two things usually happen:
    1. I get more honest about and aware of how this addiction appears in my life - including my deluded thoughts about edging and pmo.
    2. I begin to occasionally do something different when urges arise. @MustangSally speaks to this quite well, I think.
    So here's to us and here's to keeping on...
     
  8. ReclaimedLife

    ReclaimedLife Fapstronaut

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    Are you faking nuts? Thinking this is a simple thing?

    This is one of the hardest things to fight on this planet as a guy, and every single one who managed to overcome it should be awarded a fucking medal of determination.

    And there are 2 distinct things on here that just get ignored that make is even more difficult then it already is.

    1) Not having a girlfriend who helps you through this, or access to one or several girls to have enjoyable sex with if you want to
    2) Being a virgin (Virgins don't get a big "why", because they never had good! sex. That usually reduces determination.

    Every guy who is in either of those categories has a much harder time fighting it and it should be acknowledged more when they make it.

    We all have to fight it. Some just have to push through a more malicious storm then others.

    DO IT! FIGHT FOR YOUR LIVES!

    [​IMG]

    "Getting rid of porn forever you must."
     
    Last edited: Mar 15, 2019
  9. Trevelyan357

    Trevelyan357 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the responses everyone! It means a lot to me. I will address each of your post separately.
     
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  10. Trevelyan357

    Trevelyan357 Fapstronaut

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    I hear you on building new habits. I have done that already in some ways (keeping the laptop in a common area and using a flip phone to limit my opportunities to peek). There are some things that I have been consistent with. Some things I have not been consistent. Getting down and doing a string of pushups or taking a cold shower is not enough. I'm sure that might work for some people. For me, that just delays the inevitable. The urges ALWAYS come back.

    I work night shifts from 11pm-7am Tuesday through Sunday mornings. The trouble comes on my nights off when nothing is open. I also get urges when I get home from work in the morning. Right now I am addressing this by sleeping at night like a normal person and switching back to night shift mode while at work. This is really hard on my body but seems to work from a addiction recovery standpoint. I also make shitty pay at my job so I am very limited in what I can do outside the house. I am trying to find a job where I work straight days and make more money.

    Personal finance and investing is something that I have been spending more time recently. It seems to hold my attention more than other things.
     
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  11. Trevelyan357

    Trevelyan357 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks. I have no idea what the right mindset is after three years. All I can do is just pick myself back up and keep trying.
     
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  12. Trevelyan357

    Trevelyan357 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks! I don't want to know how many hours I have wasted after doing this for nearly 20 years. Just the thought of it is depressing. But I am staying hopeful that I can beat this. I am a alcoholic and managed to overcome that so I know I can do this. This will probably take a little bit longer though.
     
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  13. Trevelyan357

    Trevelyan357 Fapstronaut

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    I'm hoping there are some more things I can pick up to help me on this journey. As hard as it is on my body, I find sleeping at night and being awake during the day helps (I work night shifts). I seem to be in a better state of mind during the days too. This is why I am trying to find a job working during the days. More money would be nice too.
     
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  14. Trevelyan357

    Trevelyan357 Fapstronaut

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    Believe me I am well aware of this. But knowing that by itself usually doesn't prevent me from giving into my urges. For me, willpower alone isn't enough.
     
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  15. IGY

    IGY Fapstronaut
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    Excellent advice!
     
  16. IGY

    IGY Fapstronaut
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    No, edging = relapse! :eek:

    Listen to the advice of scientist Gary Wilson. On his porn recovery website, he addresses the following question:

    What if I masturbate (edge) or watch porn without orgasm?

    Some men attempting the rebooting process believe that as long as they avoid ejaculation, they are successfully rebooting. This twisted logic leads them to endorse an unhelpful practice common to Internet porn users, called edging. This is masturbating up to the edge of orgasm, then stopping to cool things down, then revving up again.

    Three common versions of edging:

    1. Watching porn without masturbating
    2. Masturbating while viewing porn, but not ejaculating
    3. Masturbating without porn and without ejaculating
    Since a reboot is defined as no porn or porn substitutes 1 & 2 make no sense. For those trying to overcome problematic porn use, edging while viewing porn (or fantasizing about porn) is far worse than simply having an orgasm and getting it over with. Why is that?...

    Read his explanation here:
    https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/reb...-masturbate-edge-or-watch-porn-without-orgasm
     
  17. Trevelyan357

    Trevelyan357 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks! Even though p-subs might not be 'porn' in a direct way, they definitely lead to worse things. Your first point about getting more honest is a challenge. I find it troubling how I can be more honest on here than in real life than in person.

    I have been doing different things to take my mind off PMO. Today I have been switching between reading/writing on here, and reading about personal finance/investing. I think the key for me is to find things that can hold my attention for a long period of time.
     
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  18. Trevelyan357

    Trevelyan357 Fapstronaut

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    Deep down, I don't believe it is that simple. If it was, this site wouldn't exist. Unfortunately I fall into both of those categories that you mentioned. Then again, there are more than a few people on here who are in relationships and are still struggling. Considering that I have a hard time being honest about addiction with people in person, I am not sure how well I would fare in a relationship.
     
  19. Tryingto

    Tryingto Fapstronaut

    Regarding these two:
    1. I sometimes think of this place (and my recovery group) as my honesty training wheels. Among other things, I am here in order to learn to be a little more honest - most with myself but also with others. Hopefully this will slowly leech out into my daily world.
    2. Personally, I phrase this one as 'finding healthy alternatives to this addiction.' Sounds so easy but, in truth, this can be a challenge for me!
    On the path...
     
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  20. ReclaimedLife

    ReclaimedLife Fapstronaut

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    That is the thing. We gotta go into one to find out. Everything negative that happens in a relationship can be seen as a chance to grow, and everything positive can just be enjoyed in the moment.
    And whether it is beneficial to be in a relationship while recover is solely depending on the other person. A good, understanding partner will be helpful, while a pushy, nagging one will be giving you problems in our recovery.
    Being in a relationship isn't someone that is just good or bad. It depends on the 2 people creating it
     
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