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Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Deleted Account, Feb 21, 2019.

  1. Hey, how're y'all doing?

    I want to make a quick introduction, I'm a young man, almost 24 years old (even though I put a random birth date on this account) and still a virgin. Funny thing is that I'm a pretty good looking man (women flirt with me all the time and stay staring at me), kind of sociable (when I have to be) and being honest you would never imagine who I'm really are if you're around me.

    Since I was a little kid (I'm talking about 2 or 3 years old) I've felt different that I didn't fit and to make my story short I learned to wear a "mask", to pretend that I do fit on this world. And basically I grew up like that and sort of develop 2 personas, one that is my "regular" self and the other one when I'm out on the world. Anyway, I'm self aware of my situation but even though
    I don't think that I'm bipolar, I don't hear any voice and don't have any sudden change of mood, it's more like it as if I choose when to change of personality. But that's something that get me really depressed and eats me at a mental level; being perfectly honest I want to "combine" this 2 personas.

    Anyway, all that info it's like a little background, my self-proclaimed condition, but that's not why I'm on THIS forum.

    My story with PMO started when I was around 12 or 13, so I have like 10 or 11 years with this curse. I've been fapping almost daily (my longest streak is 1 month) and I've been trying to quit since like 16. As I wrote I'm still virgin, I was about to lose my virginity one time but I was on an affaird with a married woman and at the last minute she regreted and felt guilty (I'll never going to date a married women again, I was too young by that time and being honest too lonely). I've also wrote that I'm good looking and I flirt a lot, and actually I don't feel nervous around women.

    So you may ask yourself, if it's true what you say why your here then. Well, remember I also said that's like a "mask" and that's why I want to "combine" those 2 personas.

    My main problem is that I'm afraid to do the "next step" and most of the time women think that I think that I'm too good for them or something along that line. I also don't feel like the "same" person on places that I'm not very used to.

    Anyway, I use fap as an "escape" more than for hornyness. Fapping got me acne (now I have scars, not too bad luckily), fap got armpit bumps (as weird as it sound is real, at least on my personal case) a really bad case of that.

    Fap it's making me a premature ejaculator and as I don't have a woman, I can't test if I'm already am. I still got erection but I'm staring to cum quicker and quicker. Fap has given me just bad things and as of today I plan to finish this shit.

    I've tried many times but never on a public level (this is not a real public declaration but I know I'll never say this on "real" life), anyway, I commit myself to overcome this and I'm really a perfectionist so, I'll give my all even though I know that's not enough, I'll keep myself busy and look forward to the future and to the best version of myself that I know I can be.

    Anyway, this is getting too long but I do think I've summarised my condition. I'll make a promise if I fap again I'll just delete this account and accept I can't stop fapping just control it.

    This is the last bullet on my chamber.

    Thursday, 21st, 2019.
    00:55
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 21, 2019
    Yippy likes this.
  2. oretna

    oretna Fapstronaut

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    Welcome! I hope that you might reconsider the part about relapsing. Most everyone relapses some time.
     
  3. safa61947

    safa61947 Fapstronaut

    You don't need to answer me but consider these questions.

    1. You mentioned minor stuff like acne, armpit bumps. Why do you really want to stop?
    2. For how long to you plan to abstain?
    3. What strategy will you use to avoid watching porn and masturbating in the future?

    Because, when you are on day 58, horny as fuck, you won't say "noooo, I mustn't fap because it gives me acne". You'll say "fuck it, I'll fap anyway". More kind of a personal reason, something about how you perceive yourself or something like that.

    Welcome and let's break the addiction.
     
    Yippy likes this.
  4. Tiger1

    Tiger1 Fapstronaut

    Welcome to the site!!! Trust me your not the only one that use masturbation as an "escape"..
     
  5. Hi, thanks for the answer.

    Trust me I have a lot years trying to quit this addiction and after a time, when you start to fail over and over on the same thing, it makes you feel really bad. That's why I want this to be the last try.

    I don't like to write in forums but I'll make it this time as a way to remember my commitment.
     
  6. Hi, thanks for the answer.

    1. As I mentioned on the post, fapping has given me some bad stuff (I've proven it, when I stop fapping for a long time, all that stuff gets drastically better) acne, armpit bumps, I'm staring to become a PE (that's something that scares me), and it destroys my confidence and self-esteem.

    I want to stop because this is not healthy and makes me feel really bad.

    2. My intention is to quit like forever, this is not sex and to me, masturbation is something that people shouldn't do, at least not watching pornography or any other erotic material.

    3. My "plan" is to keep myself busy but I know there's going to be a time in which I'll have to face my addiction again, no matter how busy I could be at the moment. And at that moment, I'll try to come here and basically tell what I feel at the moment, and if possible, take my phone out of my room and stay away from it until I feel able to keep "fighting".

    And lastly I don't feel afraid of being horny from time to time, I can manage the "pressure", what I'm really afraid is to be depressed or feeling really down, that's when I screw up.

    I know that you can't run away from porn, it sells, it's on social media disguised as "influencers", it's on movies disguised as "sexy people", heck, it's even accepted on society. It's everywhere because it sells everywhere but I want to be man enough and control myself (in any situation) and not fall into stupid traps. I want that when I start a new relationship, me (and my girl) be the ones to decide when we let our hornyness go wild, not someone else that wants to make a profit out of me.
     
  7. Hi, thanks for the answer.

    It's a sad really but I'd like to control my emotions and face any situation as a man, not going to my pants every time life gives me a bad time.
     
  8. Tiger1

    Tiger1 Fapstronaut

    @Mybestversion I hear you on that...seems like when ever I'm having a bad day or feeling down I always go down there and do the deed, when that happens it's hard to get back on the winning streak :(
     

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