I force myself to cry and feel sad

Don't worry at all. It's ok now. Men should express a little more.

 

White Sheep's a female..but maybe I'm misunderstanding what you're saying :b

 

From what I'm getting at you used M as an outlet to escape the sadness & crying somebody caused you in the past. That outlet became hardwired in your brain for quite some time to the point where you needed M to escape any kind of sadness & crying. Because you have been PMO free for awhile you no longer have an outlet, and now are having withdrawals so you end up sad and crying.

I see this as an urge, or wanting affirmation to want to use M. Sorry if I am wrong?

Also, seeking out sad things is not an healthy mindset. The very nature of that mindset is destructive. Especially true when people seek it as an means for justification that they are not alone.

I used to seek out sad, dark, depressive stuff several years ago. I felt weak, and was literally crying on the inside because I related. I wanted someone to understand. Because of anxiety and fears of rejection of revealing my feelings I resorted to PMO as an outlet. But I wanted to change that.

You probably haven't met that special person yet. That special person who can make you happy, and give you an new outlet to help rewire your thinking. Getting yourself out there to meet others is always tough, but it puts you in position to loved understood by someone for who you are. Whether that person be an lover or good friend it helps that you can have someone to lean on. It helps so wouldn't be sad as much helping you to steer away from M.

 

Yes don’t worry. I remember in my 100+ days streak, i cried many times. The emotions flowed like an avalanche. I cried so much and so hard and felt so much regret but also sadness and healing. The crying is a sign of healing my friend.
And it’s manly to cry, don’t feel ashamed. Let it out, it’s okay!

 

Thank you for sharing that, i think its a good thing to let it out, it sounds like there is a part of you that really needs it, i struggle a lot with my vulnerability, so i am learning how to really open up with people once again instead of locking myself away and covering it up with addiction. Congrats on all the clean time

 

It's ok I like to play some sad music and cry my heart out. It usually helps or I come up with something I can improve on.

 

Thats all good, i know girls who like me really struggle with being vulnerable, most of us seem to have something fragile inside, alot of how we dealt with it was thru our addictions, i am beggining to realize that i i need to take more responsibility for caring after my little sad clown, thats what i call that part of myself, and have to look after him better, protect him and help him to experience positive connections in the world.

 

What a manly little sheep
This sadness out of the blue is supposedly triggered by our brain chemistry going mad during withdrawal, I on average I cry about once a week (this is the perfect opportunity for someone to think I'm a woman perhaps? )

 

You should read or listen audiobook of power of subconsious mind by joseph murphy thats will help you a lot

 

It's so okay to cry as much as you want and as much as you can.I believe in the philosophy that says "And my cure from sadness and sorrow is tears poured from the eyes".

 

I wish I could cry so bad right now. There's a lot of pent up sadness and heaviness which I was conditioned to repress. It's not a bad thing to feel that sorrow and release it, and it's finite. Maybe you just need to get it out. All the best.

 

It's okay to cry. Expressing ourselves is necessary, and it makes us feel better after it. But thinking about worse things just to keep crying won't help you feeling any better. I think you should ask yourself: why am I doing this? Will this change my situation? Life is short, and spending it this way will be only a waste of your time, and you don't deserve this.