Do something that might not work.

A peacock bird spreads its beautifully colored feathers to attract the females. When he does this, he makes survival harder for itself because he's more easily seen by predators. Why would he do something so crazy? He's still alive despite doing something so risky though. He must be a badass.

Some human behavior are along the same lines. Someone that takes risks makes life harder for themselves. They do something that might not work. They might fail, make mistakes, do something embarrassing, or get rejected. Why would that person do something so crazy? Yet they're still alive and taking more risks. They must be a badass.

Even simple things like eye contact / body language / vocal tonality / expressing yourself honestly / being silly fun carefree / socializing / anything that makes you stand out or vulnerably opens you up to others. All of these things are risks. You're doing something that might not work. Something that makes life harder for yourself. Yet you're still alive despite choosing vulnerability. You must be a badass like the peacock bird.

Think of someone that does the opposite of these things. Someone that closes themselves off from the world and others. Someone that i self centered and plays it safe. Someone that doesn't express themselves or does anything that could garner criticism or any type of negative reaction from others. Not attractive at all.

So be a badass like the peacock bird. Stand out. Practice vulnerability. Do something that might not work.

 

When you don't express yourself / stand out / take risks / play to win, it sub communicates to others that you haven't had much positive experiences that came from doing that and/or that you don't have the strength of character to handle negative experiences. It sub communicates that you're using this behavior as a coping strategy. It becomes an impression of "if other people don't like this person or he/she doesn't even like themselves enough to let themselves be seen by others, then why would I want to be around this person?"

So people that are trying very hard not to be rejected by being excessively cautious and hiding themselves from the world are achieving the exact opposite of what they want. Whereas people who take more risks end up being rejected more, but also being accepted more in the long run. The less risks you take, the less you'll be rejected, but also the less you'll be accepted.

 

Confidence isn't about deluding yourself into believing that you'll never fail or get rejected. That's not how reality works. If your false belief is in opposition with reality, then that resistance will make you overthink / procrastinate / perfectionism / escapism / play not to lose / walk on eggshells.

Confidence is more of a belief that you're still good even if the outcome doesn't go the way you wanted it to.

If you want the best shot at getting what you want, you first have to be comfortable with the possibility that you won't get what you want.

If you're able to handle negative experiences better, you'll be able to take more risks and improve more. Repeated courage to try leads to competence. Repeated competence leads to more confidence due to eventual success and positive experiences. People who are more successful with relationships and life in general are those that are comfortable with rejection / negative experiences / uncertainty / failure / mistakes. People who aren't as successful are those that protect their ego / identity by not making much effort or taking much risks unless they have a solid guarantee of the outcome.

 

You learn to handle negative experiences better by facing them more.

Circumstances are made not to matter as much by experiencing them more.

You won't feel good about it in the beginning. You won't feel motivated / ready / comfortable.

What's uncomfortable now (challenging outside your comfort zone) becomes comfortable later on (being able to handle negative experiences better). What's comfortable now (solitude / porn / escapism / perfectionism until you feel ready before making any effort) becomes uncomfortable later on (not being able to handle negative experiences and not having the skills when it counts).

Not everything that feels good is good for you (porn). Not everything that feels bad is bad for you (facing your fears).

Porn, escapism, and most of what society / mainstream media offers these days conditions people to seek easy, certain, and comfortable instant gratification. Years of conditioning has weakened people. So you have to condition yourself to face difficult, uncertain, unideal, non smooth, awkward, incompetent, insecure, and uncomfortable delayed gratification. Most people won't do this. Society / technology will only make this harder as the years go by. That's fine with me. The bigger the obstacles, the bigger the rewards. More rewards for me if not many others are willing to step out of their comfort zone.

 

It's a weird thing for people to seek comfort / certainty / idleness / to be content / guaranteed gratification / to be numb and painless / to have no problems or negative experiences. Because isn't that what being dead is?

Life is about growth. You grow by going through and learning from pain, problems, and negative experiences. People who are successful at something are those that stay with a problem longer than others until they have found a solution. Those that stay with a pain long enough until they find the pleasure on the other side of that adversity (delayed gratification).

Routine comforts and distractions take all that growth away. There's always something new and interesting with games / tv / film / internet / technology / alcohol / drugs / porn / etc that makes you want to stay idle / comfortable / certain / content / gratified / numb / sleepwalking through life / lifeless. These comforts basically makes you want to seek death. To stop growing. To stop all pain, problems, and negative experiences. Reality has both pain and pleasure / problems and solutions / negatives and positives. To stop experiencing the other half is to stop experiencing reality / life. That's what this digital lifestyle is doing to everyone. To stop living in reality. To stop living. To die slowly until you're dead for real.

I pride myself in being able to handle pain, problems, and negative experiences more than the people around me. I'm not physically strong, but I'm able to bask in tension / conflict / unideal / uncomfortable / difficult situations more than most people. It's an area in life that most people neglect. They like to focus on external things more like physical attributes / materialism, but crumble in the face of chaos and uncertainty.

 

Yes. That's the way.

Too many people require the external to determine their internal state. By seeking validation from people by compensating / performing / convincing others to be interested in them.

People who are led from within rather than the external are truly attractive (to the right people who resonate with your honest self expression). They are attracted to their certainty, autonomy, and freedom. Most people are walking on eggshells with emotional guards in place to censor who they really are. So when someone comes along that walk through life that are bold, daring, unappologetic, and shamelessly without those guards, they seem like a badass. Like the peacock fanning its feathers.

 

I don't know where or when we were taught that pain, problems, negative experiences, adversity, suffering, dissatisfaction, etc are bad for us and are to be avoided at all costs. They are equally if not more important than their positive counterparts. Both sides are necessary for growth and to make life worth living.

I attribute all my greatest life's achievements to all my greatest life's failures. When you get to a point in life where you don't simply just accept / tolerate / handle failure and mistakes, but you actually seek and want those negative experiences because you know it leads to better things... that's when your life will truly ascend beyond what you previously ever thought it could have become. So now you get the benefit of not fearing big risks, but also the benefit of growing from negative outcomes.