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My current Rebooting experience during relationship: a honest review

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Dax25, Feb 15, 2019.

  1. Feb 15, 2019 #1
    Dax25

    Dax25 Fapstronaut

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    Hi everyone. I finally decided to subscribe this forum and share with you all my current experience, after 21 days of Nofap while in a relationship. So, just to give a little background, I am now 25 and watched porn since i was 14. In the last three years my addiction definitely worsened and I started using live cams, erotic chats and sexting to get more and more arousal. I discovered this was damaging a couple of years ago, but what really convinced me starting this journey was the relationship I started one year ago, with my beautiful and supportive girlfriend. In a few months I found out I had PIED: not the worse PIED you can imagine, but I often had difficulties in getting a proper erection, in mantaining it, and sometimes I wasn't able to have sex at all. So 21 days ago I told my gf and started my Rebooting experience, but without hardmode. We are still having sex... but I have to say things are not improving. We had sex 4 times per week in the last two weeks and I think that only the first sexual intercourses in both weeks (which come after 4-5 days of no orgasm) were acceptable. The following intercourses were not good at all: i struggled to get an erection and to mantain it: all the problems i always had were still there. I'm quite desperate and i'm asking myself whether porn is actually my real issue or not. I'm afraid I'm wasting my time, though I know that it may take longer to see improvements. I read of people experiencing amazing sex after only a week of nofap, and it makes me so depressed. But at the same time I ask myself if I am doing this in the right way. The fact that my best sexual intercourses so far came after a 4-5 days streak of no orgasm made me think that maybe I should start a hardmode streak. My girlfriend is very supportive and she would accept it, I think. But i'm not sure I want to... Or maybe it is too much to have sex 4 times a week during a reboot? So please give me some advice guys, and tell me about your rebooting experiences in your relationships. How long did it take? Is it worth it?
    Thank you so much: hope someone out there can help me, i really feel like shit right now.
     
    Dax25, Feb 15, 2019
    Dax25, Feb 15, 2019
    #1
    Pete40 and hope4healing like this.
  2. Feb 22, 2019 #2
    toomanymany

    toomanymany Fapstronaut

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    Hey it's my topic I quote. We're almost in the same situation bro. I see that no one replied so this message is kind of bump. Hope we all get better. All the best!
     
    toomanymany, Feb 22, 2019
    toomanymany, Feb 22, 2019
    #2
  3. Feb 22, 2019 #3
    ImpureHuman

    ImpureHuman Fapstronaut

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    Good to know that your gf know about the reboot, that would help in the process. I don't about the your addiction part. Both physical and mental part may contribute to PIED. Porn conditioning may have changed your brain response to natural sex. The brain’s reward pathways are flooded with high levels of dopamine. Over time, the constant dopamine high raises the bar on the level of excitement needed to actually feel pleasure. Reason for PIED.

    Add habit that help to improve physical and mental health. Exersice, yoga, dieting.
    Good luck. Wish you all the best.
     
    ImpureHuman, Feb 22, 2019
    ImpureHuman, Feb 22, 2019
    #3
  4. Feb 22, 2019 #4
    hope4healing

    hope4healing NoFap Moderator
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    First, I think it's great that you have been open with your gf about your addiction and recovery efforts. Believe me, that saved you from several additional issues as well as let her know that none of this is her fault.

    I would bet that P really is your issue, and you are not wasting your time unless you want PIED and all the frustrations that go along with it for the rest of your life. You owe it to yourself to have a successful recovery, and your fantastic gf deserves a relationship without the damaging effects of P, too.

    I don't think 21 days is long enough to expect everything to be working properly considering it took 11 years to get to where you are now. This will take time and patience, and it's likely to be frustrating sometimes, but you have to give your brain the chance to rewire to proper sexual response. Have you spent any time reading yourbrainonporn.com ? There's a lot of information there to help you understand the dynamics of recovery.

    Anyone who says they've recovered after only a week of nofap is considerably lucky. I'd say that is not even close to the average amount of time it takes for a typical recovery. I understand everyone is different, but you shouldn't let that discourage you. Stick with it, and appreciate that you have someone who is understanding and supportive.
     
    hope4healing, Feb 22, 2019
    hope4healing, Feb 22, 2019
    #4
    drewharbour and Numb like this.
  5. Feb 23, 2019 #5
    drewharbour

    drewharbour Fapstronaut

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    Hard Mode!
    Your not going to enjoy it but Hard mode is the most effective way to get a reboot going.
    @hope4healing is correct, 99% chance Porn is your problem, you are expecting too much improvement to quick.
    This won’t be a 1 week or 1 month fix. It’s going to take concerted effort over a long period of time and discipline and restraint for the rest of your life. Other option is PIED, no lasting relationship but lots of Porn. You get to pick.
    Be careful that when you cut porn you also recognize and eliminate Porns substitutes like, Facebook, instagram, chive, tinder, staring at girls in revealing clothing or anything else that you can use instead of Porn as this will only delay your reboot, maybe even sabotage it.
    What you need to do is focus on sexual intimacy with your partner and no forms of sexual fantasy.
    It’s going to be a challenge to not O with her. Try 1 week, then push to two weeks. It. Doesn’t have to be 90 days but you need to push as long as you can.
    When you have sex, stare at her, do not fantasize or recreate Porn like sex. Focus on her and try and meet her needs first and perhaps only. Enjoy being with her and forget about your O. Porn addicts become solely focussed on our own pleasure and as many SO’s will attest, we become bad lovers. You need to take control of your sexual desires and put her first so that your mind and body can let go the pattern of self satisfaction only.
     
    drewharbour, Feb 23, 2019
    drewharbour, Feb 23, 2019
    #5
    WiredLion, Susannah, hope4healing and 1 other person like this.
  6. Feb 23, 2019 #6
    hope4healing

    hope4healing NoFap Moderator
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    Yes! This is something I should've mentioned as well. He is absolutely right about psubs...they are equally as harmful once you've quit P. They are easier to justify in your mind , and your 'addict' side will try to convince you they're harmless just to get a dopamine hit. After all they're not real P so they won't hurt anything, right?

    Wrong! They just allow you to continue feeding the addiction while believing you're staying clean. This is where my husband is hung up in his recovery. Clearing the psubs hurdle may even be more difficult than P itself because they're everywhere...TV ads, billboards, magazines, walking down the street, etc. Just be conscious about them and don't let yourself get caught in the rationalization trap.
     
    hope4healing, Feb 23, 2019
    hope4healing, Feb 23, 2019
    #6
    Susannah likes this.
  7. Feb 24, 2019 #7
    Dax25

    Dax25 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you all guys for your replies and your advice! I'm giving a little update now... i'm currently on day 30 and for my gf had her period I've been in a Hardmode for 10 days now. As drewharbour underlined, it would be a great thing for me to go ahead on hardmode and I know that. I have to say that i'm starting to get a little less urges than I used to on my last streaks (it happened really strong only 3 times in these last 10 days and one time I almost relapsed but managed to stop after some edging) so I could get the occasion and move ahead. But guys I'm still not sure about this. My current idea is to continue having sex with my girlfriend and switch to Hardmode only if i don't see any significant improvement in the next weeks. I know it takes time and you messages re-assured me about that. I was told that Hardmode leads to a faster reboot but I hope it doesn't mean that no hardmode is useless. For the rest, I can say my mood swings a bit but this is also due to some problems I am facing at the moment (just guarduated and heading my post-graduate training, family issues...). A demanding week is about to start: I am gonna see my gf on tuesday night and the we're gonna spend together the next weekend. So, I know that we will probably have sex on tuesday and also at weekend. I hope it will be acceptable after 10 days of complete abstinence but I'm a bit anxious about this, and I know I shouldn't because this doesn't help for sure.

    Moreover, some of you told me I should quit using social networks. I had already thought about that, and I think that next steps will be trying to use less and less my smartphone and to introduce some physical exercise. I will update you after my intense week. Let's hope it will be ok, guys.
     
    Dax25, Feb 24, 2019
    Dax25, Feb 24, 2019
    #7
    WiredLion and hope4healing like this.

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