Curing ED (caused by death grip)

I'm going to try M with just a flesh light instead of using my hand and see if that makes a difference. And maybe not M so frequently.

 

I support your idea. Just know that it may take some time before you notice any significant benefit (at least a month). Also when using a fleshlight, try to use both hands to grip the fleshlight as opposed to using just one hand to reduce the stress involved in PMO. If you could make the fleshlight immobile whereby only your pelvis has to be used in the act of PMO, that would also reduce the burden of PMO. I call it HEALTHY MASTURBATION. It is not east as it requires so much DISCIPLINE. Be sure it is an ORIGINAL fleshlight because some sex toys may be harmful due to the type of materials from which they are made. You can try products like tenga or silicon nozzles also. I can vouch for these products.

 

I highly recommend not using a fleshlight. It is too tight. You might be disappointed when you are with a real girl. Most girls are not as tight as a fleshlight.

 

So what's your suggested alternative?

 

@THEdally_llama
That always depends on who you are and what you want.

I personally think it is the best to fully go Nofap/no PMO + coconut oil/shea butter for at least 90 days to help the brain rewire and regain sensitivity.

I personally failed with the no MO for three times within the first 60 days. The first time (at day 23) was because i got crazy and started to think only about sex the whole fucking day and looked at every single wamen in an unhealthy way. The second was a day later because i couldnt control myself and then yesterday, because i actually felt horny again, but it felt like it was time to release as well. I also wanted to test my sensibility with a condom on and to see if i can stay hard when i masturbate with light touch while wearing condom, with switching positions between lying on my back, "doggystyle" and standing up. I looked on the clock and got to around 20 minutes in the end. But couldn't yet finish with a condom on and using only light touch. After in finished with O, i immediately took a cold shower, and went to the gym. From the outside it looks like a failure, because i couldn't control myself. But i never used any porn or porn substitue and only fantasized as little as i could with an old friend who gave me a blowjob once, and i am still friends with. She is a regular girl and i wanted to make sure i only fantasize about someone i already had a sexual relationship with. I didn't feel bad at all afterwards, it felt more like a "statusupdate" to see how much i can feel when i only use light touch while wearing a condom. I started without a condom with coconut oil, then switched to a condom after around 5min and then put coconut oil on top of the condom to simulate the "wetness".

And, compared to how it was before, i see a noticable improvement and every day is getting better. I don't think it will take a year for me if i find a girl i am physically attracted to. I am going to keep putting coconut oil on my dick every evening and morning, as well as after a cold shower.

It is super important to see what happens when i try to put a condom on and how long i can go with it.

For me, it really is only psychological, and the book "The Power of Now" from Eckhart Toll really helps me with that. Even though it is difficult to process and i need my time to implement it. But so far, one of the best books i have read in general, but also helping with that topic.

Keep fighting brother, not watching porn or porn subsitutes really is the most important thing at all.

 

Glad to hear things are going better and that you took a shower and went to gym after the deed was done.... but you're also rationalizing a lot of things that are not ok.

You don't need to "test" anything, things work, and they work even better if you let them heal. I used to "test" my erection all the time and was pretty obsessed by it.

You need to stop masturbating, doesn't matter how "lightly". You also need to stop fantasizing and no, it's not "better" if it's a woman you know. She is still a fantasy and a pornstar in your brain. It's just like playing porn in your head.

 

I was fully aware that this kind of comment will be coming. If it wouldn't have come from you, someone else would have wrote it.

I do still see it as a kind of slip-up. But to me, all of this isn't about never MOing every in my life again. I actually think it is healthy to do so once a month or so when you absolutely have no way of intimacy with any girl. And she sure is not a pornstar. And i don't fantazise about her like as if she fucked me like one. It is about slow movement, kissing and intimacy, not just the plain act of fcuking.
And most of the time, i wasn't fantasizing. I was just concentrating on how the touch makes me feel and how much touch i can feel while wearing a condom.

But i think i know what you mean. Every subsitute for a real wamen is bad, in any form or way, since i didn't work up to the events with a real wamen and still ended up with an (undeserved) orgasm. The only orgasm should be achieved with a real girl/wamen.
And i agree on that. You are fully right.

I still see it as 2 improvements, actually.
1) I noted better sensitivty, which actually relaxed me and helps me to get going.
2) I was able to increase the time from 23 to 32 days. Almost 10 days longer then before.

So yeah. Technically you are right and i know what i did is bad for my recovery.
But if i look at myself in a bad way, i will fall back to old habits. It is important to keep going in the right direction.
Thats why i said that it is definitely the best choice to go full monk mode for at least 90 days.
If you can. I couldn't. But monk mode was never my goal. I just want to get rid of porn and porn substitutes in every form.
If i masturbate from now on, i won't fantasize at all anymore. Just fully being present on my own touch and how and what makes me feel good.
That might happen after 90 days, or never. Who knows. Maybe i find a girl and just enjoy the time with her, in whatever way.

The only problem i have with all of this is this...
I am NOT going to make my own sexual happiness depending on having a girl. That is just the wrong way to look at it. And while Nofap is all well and good to cure PIED, the root cause is porn, and porn substitutes. And that shit can all go fk itself.

Lets put it like this. I am willing to gamble a little bit here. I know that every time i masturbate, i will prolongue the recovery process.
But i have such high self-esteem, that i am betting on my own abiltiy to work with a girl even if i still have a slight PIED.
And i am willing to lose a girl or get rid of her if she can't accept that i still have to recover. It's a very good test of character for the girl as well.
Will she stay, knowing that i am still working on that problem or is she going to leave. A girl that leaves because of that, is better off without me. And i am better off without her as well.

 

Yes, this is what I was saying. By any type of fantasizing (and masturbating) we train ourselves to get aroused BY fantasy (and masturbating) and we bond TO fantasy (and masturbating).

As I said, I truly don't mean to downplay your achievements cause you definitely had progress. It's just that you're simply fucking yourself (figuratively and literally) by masturbating/fantasizing, no matter how you do it. I know because i've been there and done that. I had failed nofap more than most have even tried. 6 years. I started getting consistent and quite frankly results better than I have ever imagined by completely stopping all forms of self stimulation. But I used to do exactly what you did, I used to test my erection all the time (thinking that you use it or lose it which is quite frankly false). I had incredible results when I woke up with morning wood, with no stimulation whatsoever. The body makes sure to keep the penis in shape IF it needs to.

The more you self stimulate the more you hurt yourself, it's like opening a wound to see if it healed.

 

What made you finally get to 60 days? What changed?
I can already tell that porn was the worst for me, in all aspects of interacting with wamen. Fkn poison.
There is a reason why stopping porn and at the same time going full-on cold turkey with masturbation as well is so goddamn hard.
Because you are essentially fighting yourself AND nature as well.

I am still going to try as hard as i can to not touch myself at all.
But i know this WILL fail if i don't include wamen in my life.
I am curious if the desire to fap goes away at some point.

 

I've had longer periods of abstinence but this one is not just abstinence, this is me. I knew from the first day something fundamentally changed. The thing is, i accepted that masturbation/sex fantasizing are abnormal and unnatural, no matter what the "woke and sexually liberated" folks like to say or think.

It's just a completely abnormal behavior, you can read my arguments against it in the threads i've created. You can go to my profile an check "created threads"

So basically what changed is that I stopped "abstaining" because abstaining implies there's something good/acceptable which you're renouncing or choosing NOT to do, which in turn legitimizes masturbation.

I stopped doing an abnormal behavior and started acted normal - no sex if i don't have a woman next to me. And I hadn't, i was/am monk mode. I'm not even interested in sex atm , I have other priorities. Nothing happened, my penis didn't fall off. Looking quite good actually.

Yes, the desire goes away completely. I just can't fap now and i would have to make a huge effort to do it (not that i'm going to, i'm just saying). Just the thought of fapping is very weird to me now, and i was a chronic fapper (sometimes even 5 times/day. i've been fapping since 12, i stopped at 31).

Now I get aroused sometimes and let it pass, as it should. I don't sexually arouse myself though fantasy. I can watch porn and not get an erection because watching porn is abnormal too (see my threads).

 

I've heared it a couple of times. That the desire to want to sleep with a wamen goes away completely just sounds fkn alien to me.
How can i enjoy being with a wamen if i don't have any desire to sleep with her anymore?
And we are at the same age. And have almost the same history of masturbation habits. Fascinating.

I haven't looked at all of your threads, but can you briefly describe your sexual history? When did you start sleeping with girls? What was the most enjoyable time when you had sex, and why? Can you have Sex without PIED at the moment?

 

Atm I just don't want to sleep with women. I still want family and children but my recovery and being able to connect with women rather than just have meaningless and performance-oriented sex is more important for me.

I was a kissless virgin up until 20yo. Then I went to escorts only for 5 years. Probably met more than 60-70. Then I stopped and had a gf for 5 years, during which i continued to masturbate/watch porn compulsively which massively contributed to the breakdown of the relationship. Then I watched some more porn and masturbated a lot for a year after the breakup. I masturbated so much I developed Peyronies (bent/choked dick), but now that I stopped masturbating it's healing on it's own.

Most enjoyable was with my ex, especially when we had unprotected sex cause it was more intimate, even if I had problems with intimacy, it still felt good.

I don't really know if i can have sex now properly but I didn't have ED problems, more like PE problems. Interestingly enough i did not have PE with my EX

 

What does PE mean ?

 

hey buddy sorry for responding your message after years, i just made an account beucase i have no sensivity in my pennis, did you have the same problem? did you solve it? thanks

 

Why? I masturbated dry all my life. The credo must be: Don't masturbate at all.

 

and do you have sensivity problems too?

 

I don't know. I have no comparison. I had ED before I started NoFap. But I am confident that NoFap will help me getting rid of it.
Dry is not as good, but when I was totally Porn addicted, it wasn't about pleasure anyway. Masturbating was just something that had to be done, like cutting my nails or shaving. And dry was quicker and less messy.

 

Can you please answer a few questions for us.
It's not clear your relationship status when you were trying this.
Did you ever get to a stage where you felt you were having regular normal sex and ejaculation?
Did you try a hardmode nofap?
Did slow light grip masturbation training help you with ejaculating in real vagina in a reasonable time?

 

NoFap definitely works! I got into a relationship as I was approaching 65 days into a NoFap and now I have regular sex at regular intervals but I don’t masturbate at all. If I need a sexual release I make sure it’s with my current partner in a constructive and positive relationship building way