How to deal with fetishes.

I do think it is beneficial to suppress these during your reboot. They could cause you to relapse, but also may distortion your view of sex. Obviously something innocuous like clothing or their smell is fine, but anything that could hurt the person or completely ruin your sexual experience without it I would consider unnatural and damaging.

In general, if it could lead to someone getting hurt or you not enjoying vanilla sex without it, you shouldn't have it.

 

Yes, it is absolutely necessary to get rid of it. If you're holding on to anything your brain sees as "acting out" material, you won't kick this addiction. Its the exact same thing as an alcoholic holding onto some "low content" alcohol. You HAVE to get rid of the porn (which includes porn subs, and anything & everything else your brain looks at the same way it looks at porn) if you want to beat this addiction, there is no other way to do it, my friend.

 

I don't know if this is a fetish or not, but I like to fantasize about things that are absolutely 100% illegal (rape, extreme ageplay, murder, the list goes on) - if something is just deemed wrong!! I am turned on and every time I "Finish" I just feel like absolute garbage.

I started using porn at 13, and up until my mid teens I'd say 16-17 I got 'bored' and wanted to up the ante so I got to hardcore and extreme porn, which lasted for a good deal of my mid 20's....then I got bored again, desensitized....and then I found a place to let my psyche go wild - a site where you can chat and roleplay about anything and everything.....at 31 years old I am desperately trying to stop myself. I wish I could go back in time and tell my 13 year old self - LOOK AT WHAT YOU TURNED INTO!!! - STOP THIS MADNESS!! (then again that would cause a paradox so good luck with that lol)

 

This has always been a problem during rebooting. I have a pissing/wetting fetish and find really difficult to overcome the urges caused by this fetish. Relapses are caused by this fetish almost everytime. I also have wet dreams about this fetish and the chasing effect is strong. This is haunting me and I just want to be normal...

 

Yes, it absolutely is a fetish.
Your description explains how it started and worsened.
Please do a hard reboot before you get so messed up that you try to do this in real life and end up hurting someone.

 

I saw a comic in a newspaper that caused me to accidentally masturbate for the first time later that night when I was 17. The sexual scenario in that comic inspired all my tastes in porn, erotic stories, and fantasies over the next 35 years. Later I discovered that there were fetish websites devoted to that sexual scenario.

Anyway, for some reason that fetish isn't as interesting to me now. In my case it might be hormone changes due to age. Nothing excites me as much.

I suppose that isn't very helpful though.

 

Good luck, Sufc101. Yes, definitely get rid of that fetish. Have you started a hard reboot? A hard reboot worked for me. (I still have a tiny lingering bit of my oldest fetish, but it grows less every week. My other fetishes have completely gone.)

 

That's your addiction talking. Other people on this forum have said that they tried their fetish IRL and found that they actually disliked it, in some cases even hated it. Furthermore, it will continue to feed the addiction in your head, and you will never be free.

Anyway, you said that your fetish involved hurting others. That is never acceptable, no matter what — it's a selfish and cruel thing to do. I hope that you are neither selfish nor cruel.

Please do your hard reboot first. After 90 days, you will know if your fetish has started to decline. If it has, continue the hard reboot until it has disappeared, so that you can start to love sex as it's meant to be — you won't regret it! But, if it is still as strong, you probably need some serious therapy.

 

The badge allows you to choose between:

• no porn
• no porn or masturbation
• no porn, masturbation or sex ("orgasm")

If you choose some other combination, you use "Meeting my goals". I don't know why you would choose a different combination, but some people do.

 

You can do whatever you want with it, but it doesn't make sense to use it for matters not related to sex addiction on this forum!

 

My take is that, if you have a fetish you have a fetish -- obviously some fetishes and obsession with the fetish can cause harm, but for the large part quirkiness is what makes us individuals. The first step for me would be to own it with the attitude of "yeah man, I like this shit and so what?"

My experience thus far is that, when I disengage from porn, my sexual tastes change - I like different things and am attracted to different kinds of women.

Taking control of your own unique tastes is part of recovery -- if you have a fetish, and it comes from you, then there is absolutely nothing wrong with you, no matter what the reasons are. But if you have that fetish because the porn industry has influenced you, then once you disengage you'll become more authentic and know yourself a lot more.

 

That tends to be the case on this forum, for obvious reasons!

But I emphasise one point: If the fetish involves illegal or non-consensual acts, it's an absolute no-no, even if "it comes from you". I guess that you'll agree.