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Love

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by zayneyboy, Mar 5, 2019.

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  1. zayneyboy

    zayneyboy Fapstronaut

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    Hello guys I am young guy still inexperienced about love and still a virgin. I have been in two relationships but never really loved my significant others and I always wondered why. Do you guys believe that my addiction for porn prevents me from loving someone unconditionally?
    P.s mind you I watch porn everyday for the most part and I have over 90 porn videos on my phone.
    Please respond guys I need help
     
  2. Some people dont fall inlove easy, my grandad was like 58 when he first fell in love he said.
     
    zayneyboy likes this.
  3. ReclaimedLife

    ReclaimedLife Fapstronaut

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    Being in love is actually bad. It binds you to the girl and weakens your rational decision making.

    I know the feeling is great, but from my experience, love comes with high price to pay. The best thing you can have is being with a girl that you really really like and have a connection with. Love does not equal a regular good and strong connection.
    You really want to prefer the connection and build on that. You can love little things about the person, like the voice, eyes, her character-quirks, but it's bad being fully in love because it makes you feel like you cannot live without the other person.

    Find someone you are attracted to and you have a connection with. Trust me, you will be much happier in the long run : )
     
    odd_printout, zayneyboy and marandu like this.
  4. marandu

    marandu Fapstronaut

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    Exactly like reclaimed life says,in addition to that love can come slowly as you interact and you know her more,this kind of love goes deeper and is likely to last longer as its builty among other reasons on understanding her deeply.

    As regards to porn addicting,I ask you aren't you NoFap? Cause I see your counter is against your post
     
  5. also make sure not to confuse love with lust, i chased a girl for years, absolutely obsessed with her and we eventually got together, but once i got under her clothes and realized she was not an affectionate person, my eyes were opened to the fact that i was lusting all those years, i was never truly in love. Because when she failed to meet my expectations i stopped caring for her.
     
    zayneyboy likes this.
  6. I realized that after my last unsuccessful attempt to ask out a girl. The reason she declined though was because she was dating someone else. The reason I am probably still a virgin and have never kissed a girl before is because I haven't found girls that I can make connections with in my high school. Plus I really don't have time for a relationship and I am really focused on my studies, if I was to fall in love my education would fall apart.
     
  7. zayneyboy

    zayneyboy Fapstronaut

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    I am trying to be... Not all the way yet
     
  8. zayneyboy

    zayneyboy Fapstronaut

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    I understand that
     
  9. PathOfReform

    PathOfReform Fapstronaut

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    So basically, you're afraid of getting hurt? This is how life works. You fall in love, it might end up happily or you might end up getting hurt. But that's a part of it.
    Getting into a romantic relationship with someone you really really like will result in you falling in love or it just end up not working out. Most people want to be together with someone who they love.

    People fall in love, some get hurt and move on and some end up being together for a long time or up until their deaths. Not every person who has his heart broken by love curls into a ball and cries over it for the rest of his days or hurt themselves. People get back up and move on with their lives, they learn from their experiences. Some can't imagine their lives without their lover, but they end up moving on eventually.
    Supressing your feelings on settling for someone who's not really that important to you is not going to make you any happier. That's like not eating because you're afraid of food poisioning or not leaving your house in the winter because you're afraid of getting sick.
     
    marandu likes this.
  10. marandu

    marandu Fapstronaut

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    Well said
     
  11. marandu

    marandu Fapstronaut

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    Porn and masterbation is one of the problem though it affects people in different magnitude.breaking these addictions opens up natural energy to love with your partner.
     
    zayneyboy likes this.
  12. ReclaimedLife

    ReclaimedLife Fapstronaut

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    Elliot Hulse, is that you?

    I don't say you can't fall in love. I am saying that falling in love obscures your vision to be able to make rational decisions. And the things i did while being in love had nothing to do with who i normally am.
    Everyone has to decide that for themselves.

    And don't confuse letting someone in and being vulnerable to that person with being in love. I can very well be vulnerable to someone and have a strong connection and still not be fully in love, thank god.

    We are supposed to be able to become vulnerable. But being in love WILL fade at some point and then we are still confronted with reality.
    I am only talking about the feeling of love that fogs your vision.
    It does more harm then good in the end, because of the cravings your have for that person. It is just very unhealthy for a relationship in the long run.
     
  13. PathOfReform

    PathOfReform Fapstronaut

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    No idea who that guy is.

    True love is not supposed to change you for the worse or make you irrational. Sure, it might force you out of your comfort zone, but that's a good thing most of the time and could help you improve as a person.
    If you've changed as a person for a relationship to work, then I got this feeling it wasn't real at all. Real love is when someone learns to love you for who you are.
    If your lover pushes you into acting irrational and changing for the worse, rather than help you improve as a person - then that's not love, that's you being obsessed and incapable of understanding you're being played like a fiddle.

    Being in a relationship and having a strong, affectionate connection with your partner is pretty much one of the many definitions of love. If you're with a girl just because you kinda like her but have no true love for her, you're bound to hurt her or it's bound to fade away eventually and you'd still get hurt because you can't control your feelings. And I'm 1000% certain you'll never commit to a girl(as in marry her and start a family together) whom you're not deeply in love with.

    Love is a basic human need. Supressing your feelings is unhealthy. If you're capable of loving, you can't run away from it. And as you said - at the end you'll be confronted with reality, one way or the other. Why not make the best of it?

    Dread it. Run from it. Love still arrives.
     
  14. ReclaimedLife

    ReclaimedLife Fapstronaut

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    I could write a long story about love and relationships, but i have only been with one girl. For a little less then 1 month.
    I don't feel i have a strong say in this due to lack of personal experience. I do however know how it feels to be in love.
    Everytime i fell in love, my life got fkd up in the end. All it did was create pain and suffering for years.
    And the one time i was with the girl, i wasn't in love her, but had a strong connection to and my life was pure bliss.
    Take that as you wish. If i had the choice, i'd rather not fall in love anymore at all.
    I prefer the connection and being vulnerable more.
     
  15. I'm in a similar situation. But I don't know if I'm ready to be vulnerable and open to someone else. I still have to study for school and work on my life. Of course, high school and college are great places to find love. I wouldn't stress yourself out so much. I'm 20 too. Life can be hard, man. Porn is only going to bring more shame, guilt, loneliness, depression into your life.
     
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  16. zayneyboy

    zayneyboy Fapstronaut

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    Yes you hit the nail on the head. I have always been scared of being vulnerable to someone I haven't know for to long. But the thing is it's expected of you and that's difficult for me and makes relationships tough for me. That is why I don't want to be in a serious relationship for quite some time because I know the amount of effort that has to be put into it. I want to use all that energy and put it somp place else.
     

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