You watch porn and YOU are part of the problem!! (However you rationalize it!)

Mark · Jan 5, 2014

I remember about 15 years ago I worked in a bar in the small town I live and there was a very well established 'health studio' next door. Less than a minutes walk away there was the local (large) 'police' headquarters. One of my friends asked the 'receptionist' at the brothel (lets call a spade a spade shall we!) how they managed to stay open so close to the police station? She gave a wry smile and simply said, "who do you think our biggest customers are?"

And of course that won't shock anybody who understands the real nature of both the establishments mentioned above which is why we can NEVER rely on the 'authorities' to do anything other than show a tokenistic 'interest' in such matters (we can expect quite the opposite- check out the 'hidden agendas' behind 'porn blockers'!)

The responsibility for ending this lies with each and every one of US to STOP participating in this...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4WmL...e_gdata_player

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nH5s...e_gdata_player

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q6g2...e_gdata_player

... because when we do we are equally responsible!!

Angriff · Jan 5, 2014

I want to recommend everyone to watch documentary "After Porn Ends" and see real stories behind porn industry, also documentaries made by Louise Teroux are eyeopeners.
Seeing this is one of reasons of me quitting porn beside other personal reasons. I just do not want to be part of that degrading thing. YES it is degrading no matter what do you see on "film", real experience is almost always degrading and shameful for performers.
If you watch porn and you masturbate it YOU ARE part of problem and part of the system. I admit it, i was part of it because i watched it but i wish i never did and hopefully i will not return it.

Please watch those documentaries.

Mark · Jan 5, 2014

Angriff said: ↑

I want to recommend everyone to watch documentary "After Porn Ends" and see real stories behind porn industry, also documentaries made by Louise Teroux are eyeopeners.
Seeing this is one of reasons of me quitting porn beside other personal reasons. I just do not want to be part of that degrading thing. YES it is degrading no matter what do you see on "film", real experience is almost always degrading and shameful for performers.
If you watch porn and you masturbate it YOU ARE part of problem and part of the system. I admit it, i was part of it because i watched it but i wish i never did and hopefully i will not return it.

Please watch those documentaries.
Click to expand...

Thanks for posting that. Please can I also be clear that I am not suggesting anyone feel guilty beyond the point of it helping you to realise you no longer want to be part of this. I do not feel guilty per se because I knew no better at the time but once i did to me there was NO excuse to continue. Guilt as an emotion (energy in motion) can serve a useful purpose to help us move beyond certain things but please don't anybody hold onto that guilt once it has served it's purpose

If anyone does suffer with this type of guilt I offer this in the hope that it will help you move beyond that as well as anything else that does not serve you or anybody else's best interest...
http://www.nofap.org/forum/showthread.php?2661-Letting-go

Mark · Jan 5, 2014

"It may well be that we will have to repent in this generation. Not merely for the vitriolic words and the violent actions of the bad people, but for the appalling silence and indifference of the good people who sit around and say, "Wait on time."

"You know my friends, there comes a time when people get tired of being trampled by the iron feet of oppression. There comes a time my friends, when people get tired of being plunged across the abyss of humiliation, where they experience the bleakness of nagging despair. There comes a time when people get tired of being pushed out of the glittering sunlight of life's July and left standing amid the piercing chill of an alpine November. There comes a time..."

"There comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular, but he must take it because conscience tells him it is right."

Martin Luther King Jr.

DireWolf · Jan 5, 2014

i completly agree, internet P would've never grown so out of control if we and millions of others wouldnt have gave it YEARS OF OUR LIVES, we fed it and it grew, cause and effect, i personally feel like the problem when i was in that stage because without me watching, the videos wouldnt be made if i looked at it as if i was the only possible viewer.

With the same cause and effect principle i am now the solution, this site gets bigger and attracks new people every single day, and then the show is gonna be over, this initiative is a game changer

Mark · Jan 5, 2014

“Porn films are not about sex.

Sex is airbrushed and digitally washed out of the films.

There is no acting because none of the women are permitted to have what amounts to a personality.

The one emotion they are allowed to display is an unquenchable desire to satisfy men, especially if that desire involves the women’s physical and emotional degradation.

The lightning in the films is harsh and clinical.

Pubic hair is shaved off to give the women the look of young girls or rubber dolls.

Porn, which advertises itself as sex, is a bizarre, bleached pantomime of sex.

The acts onscreen are beyond human endurance.

The scenarios are absurd.

The manicured and groomed bodies, the huge artificial breasts, the pouting oversized lips, the erections that never go down, and the sculpted bodies are unreal.

Makeup and production mask blemishes.

There are no beads of sweat, no wrinkle lines, no human imperfections.

Sex is reduced to a narrow spectrum of sterilized dimensions.

It does not include the dank smell of human bodies, the thump of a pulse, taste, breath—or tenderness.

Those in films are puppets, packaged female commodities.

They have no honest emotion, are devoid of authentic human beauty, and resemble plastic.

Pornography does not promote sex, if one defines sex as a shared act between two partners.

It promotes masturbation.

It promotes the solitary auto-arousal that precludes intimacy and love.

Pornography is about getting yourself off at someone else’s expense.”

― Chris Hedges, Empire of Illusion: The End of Literacy and the Triumph of Spectacle

shahad · Jan 5, 2014

wow. really gained a different perspective from this thread. Cheers man.

William · Jan 5, 2014

jiltedjohn said: ↑

“Porn films are not about sex.

Sex is airbrushed and digitally washed out of the films.

There is no acting because none of the women are permitted to have what amounts to a personality.

The one emotion they are allowed to display is an unquenchable desire to satisfy men, especially if that desire involves the women’s physical and emotional degradation.

The lightning in the films is harsh and clinical.

Pubic hair is shaved off to give the women the look of young girls or rubber dolls.

Porn, which advertises itself as sex, is a bizarre, bleached pantomime of sex.

The acts onscreen are beyond human endurance.

The scenarios are absurd.

The manicured and groomed bodies, the huge artificial breasts, the pouting oversized lips, the erections that never go down, and the sculpted bodies are unreal.

Makeup and production mask blemishes.

There are no beads of sweat, no wrinkle lines, no human imperfections.

Sex is reduced to a narrow spectrum of sterilized dimensions.

It does not include the dank smell of human bodies, the thump of a pulse, taste, breath—or tenderness.

Those in films are puppets, packaged female commodities.

They have no honest emotion, are devoid of authentic human beauty, and resemble plastic.

Pornography does not promote sex, if one defines sex as a shared act between two partners.

It promotes masturbation.

It promotes the solitary auto-arousal that precludes intimacy and love.

Pornography is about getting yourself off at someone else’s expense.”

― Chris Hedges, Empire of Illusion: The End of Literacy and the Triumph of Spectacle
Click to expand...

Totally agree. Porn has no value, no recreational drug does.

aron · Jan 6, 2014

Angriff said: ↑

I want to recommend everyone to watch documentary "After Porn Ends" and see real stories behind porn industry, also documentaries made by Louise Teroux are eyeopeners.
Seeing this is one of reasons of me quitting porn beside other personal reasons. I just do not want to be part of that degrading thing. YES it is degrading no matter what do you see on "film", real experience is almost always degrading and shameful for performers.
If you watch porn and you masturbate it YOU ARE part of problem and part of the system. I admit it, i was part of it because i watched it but i wish i never did and hopefully i will not return it.

Please watch those documentaries.
Click to expand...

Thanks Angriff for the recommendations. I have watched both "After porn ends", and Louis' Theroux "Porn" and "Twilight of porn stars".

The first one, "After porn ends", focuses on the lives of older famous porn actors and actresses, most of them coming from the Golden Age of Porn (70's - 80's), as well as never players in on the scene. It tells the story of how they got into it, how was it, and how they rebuilt their lives after leaving porn. The stories range from neutral to heartbreaking, and it draws no definite conclusion on porn. Some actors got into it because they had the chance to fuck and were good at it, other did it for the acting, while others were forced into it, like one girl that was kicked out of the house by her father and left without money or food.

The other two documentaries, made in 1997 and 2012, looks at the same porn stars when they were upcoming and now, 15 years later. Also some new actors are introduced. These two are really well made, the host is asking very personal questions, and sometimes very difficult ones, and you can actually see the actors lying to themselves (the younger ones), while the veterans know the business and themselves quite well to know better.
The later two contain some explicit images, bodies of naked people, but no actual performance, so I would add a Not Safe For Viewing warning. But otherwise I warmly would recommend them, to see the human side of porn, the real people behind the actors and see the difficult, unpredictable and lonely (yes, lonely) lives they lead. As one veteran actor said it "leaving your loved one to go and have sex with a woman to whom you have no affection, it's just not normal".

eye_patch · Jan 8, 2014

I'll admit that I'm part of the problem. Every page view- even 'free' stuff- gives money to the industry that helps men and women lose respect for themselves, including myself.

That's not who I want to be.

Time for change.

sociological siren · Jan 9, 2014

Female Needing male prospective?
I'm a female of 39 years old, in a 5 year long term relationship with my 29 year old boyfriend. My problem is my boyfriends seemingly explicit image lusting or constant habit to choose to watch stuff on the television with images that include full frontal nudity, sex scenes, degrading sexual situations of females being dominated sexually by men, even strong references of barely 18 year olds being used has sex slaves and forced to have sex with men using them and objectifying them, lesbians, gays, orgies and prostitutes, and just plain in your face whorish women! He has had me for 5 solid years express my feelings of dislike for such material in-front of me or behind my back. He will even search out Tv series with certain known whores in or strong elements of these sexual orientations within them. I have expressed how much choosing to watch such filth does hurt my self esteem, confidence, my trust in him and my desire to want to get close to him after 5 years of not having my feelings regarded. However recently I have managed to sit him down after myself becoming very annoyed by his blatant dis-regard for my feelings and views during his latest tv fest of nothing but nudity, full front, full on sex scenes, women being degraded and objectified, and I have managed to delve a little bit into what seems a subliminal- maybe less direct porn habit or even societal male conditioned behaviour! and he has told me what goes through his mind whilst watching such scenes. He informed me that the minute a woman's breast become bared! he will think... ohh that was quick to himself! personally I see this as a form of objectifying female sexual body parts, rather than trying to get past an actress in a TV series playing out a role! or a human being even...it is like he is thinking she is just a sexual object showing herself for his viewing pleasure!
In addition to this I would like to add I'm considered a very attractive lady with a good figure and attractive face, used to be fun in the bedroom and always available to him... until this habit of his became a habitual continual turn off to me. He seems to think this isn't a conditioned long term habit and nothing to do with any form or depth of any addiction? even though he's caused me to feel down on myself, become with-drawn in the bedroom, unsexy, non trusting of him even when he's at work. Has he seems to only be interested in befriending new females much more than males, and when he does befriend males they always seem smutty typical guys that make smutty comments about other women behind they're girlfriends backs. He has told me in the past before he met me he used to have a curious look at porn on the internet and delved in popular male tv cultures most of his teens and adult life. But I have found history traces on our sky channels to porn being viewed to which he always denies isn't him but my two young adult daughters in the house, which I know find that sort of thing disgusting. He's also admitted to me in the past he does sometimes masturbate in the bath tub and doesn't always think about me! I'm not going to lie this problem of dis-regard and habit by him has destroyed our sex life almost down to nothing, apart from when I feel he's just using my body to release sexual tensions! this has I feel prevented us in our relationship from connecting and bonding on a deeper emotional and intimate level! and crushed any sexiness I might have felt within myself before I met him... any male advice on all this? as to weather anybody thinks he might have some milder form of indirect porn addiction or habit?
Constructive helpful or informative replies are Much appreciated

P.s and yes my boyfriend rationalises this as normal behaviour to me, in spite he knows it hurts and is ruining our relationship and sexual desire. It's like he rationalises it to keep feeding what seems like an ingrained habit or addiction by telling me he overlooks the nudity within these programs, and doesn't watch this nature of TV program for the nudity at all!... which I don't believe by the way, and even though he has admitted he's analysed the time scale in which it took for a female to bare her breasts! he still doesn't see how this maybe wrong when in the same room as me his long term partner who has expressed a huge disliking for it.

Mark · Jan 9, 2014

sociological siren said: ↑

Female Needing male prospective?
I'm a female of 39 years old, in a 5 year long term relationship with my 29 year old boyfriend. My problem is my boyfriends seemingly explicit image lusting or constant habit to choose to watch stuff on the television with images that include full frontal nudity, sex scenes, degrading sexual situations of females being dominated sexually by men, even strong references of barely 18 year olds being used has sex slaves and forced to have sex with men using them and objectifying them, lesbians, gays, orgies and prostitutes, and just plain in your face whorish women! He has had me for 5 solid years express my feelings of dislike for such material in-front of me or behind my back. He will even search out Tv series with certain known whores in or strong elements of these sexual orientations within them. I have expressed how much choosing to watch such filth does hurt my self esteem, confidence, my trust in him and my desire to want to get close to him after 5 years of not having my feelings regarded. However recently I have managed to sit him down after myself becoming very annoyed by his blatant dis-regard for my feelings and views during his latest tv fest of nothing but nudity, full front, full on sex scenes, women being degraded and objectified, and I have managed to delve a little bit into what seems a subliminal- maybe less direct porn habit or even societal male conditioned behaviour! and he has told me what goes through his mind whilst watching such scenes. He informed me that the minute a woman's breast become bared! he will think... ohh that was quick to himself! personally I see this as a form of objectifying female sexual body parts, rather than trying to get past an actress in a TV series playing out a role! or a human being even...it is like he is thinking she is just a sexual object showing herself for his viewing pleasure!
In addition to this I would like to add I'm considered a very attractive lady with a good figure and attractive face, used to be fun in the bedroom and always available to him... until this habit of his became a habitual continual turn off to me. He seems to think this isn't a conditioned long term habit and nothing to do with any form or depth of any addiction? even though he's caused me to feel down on myself, become with-drawn in the bedroom, unsexy, non trusting of him even when he's at work. Has he seems to only be interested in befriending new females much more than males, and when he does befriend males they always seem smutty typical guys that make smutty comments about other women behind they're girlfriends backs. He has told me in the past before he met me he used to have a curious look at porn on the internet and delved in popular male tv cultures most of his teens and adult life. But I have found history traces on our sky channels to porn being viewed to which he always denies isn't him but my two young adult daughters in the house, which I know find that sort of thing disgusting. He's also admitted to me in the past he does sometimes masturbate in the bath tub and doesn't always think about me! I'm not going to lie this problem of dis-regard and habit by him has destroyed our sex life almost down to nothing, apart from when I feel he's just using my body to release sexual tensions! this has I feel prevented us in our relationship from connecting and bonding on a deeper emotional and intimate level! and crushed any sexiness I might have felt within myself before I met him... any male advice on all this? as to weather anybody thinks he might have some milder form of indirect porn addiction or habit?
Constructive helpful or informative replies are Much appreciated

P.s and yes my boyfriend rationalises this as normal behaviour to me, in spite he knows it hurts and is ruining our relationship and sexual desire. It's like he rationalises it to keep feeding what seems like an ingrained habit or addiction by telling me he overlooks the nudity within these programs, and doesn't watch this nature of TV program for the nudity at all!... which I don't believe by the way, and even though he has admitted he's analysed the time scale in which it took for a female to bare her breasts! he still doesn't see how this maybe wrong when in the same room as me his long term partner who has expressed a huge disliking for it.
Click to expand...

Hi, Im sure you'll get more replies than this (that cover things I don't) but forgive me if this is rushed as got kids so will have to be brief.

The problem is when you watch too much porn your brain becomes 'pickled' in it and unfortunately it will have created a filter in his mind through which he views the world, especially relationships and the role of men and women and these images will be influencing the way he thinks about almost everything because they have such a powerful effect on his brain. So I guess the first thing to do is to help him understand that.

Another problem with you trying to 'help' him is that men are culturally 'hard wired' to be independent (almost Tarzan like!) who generally believe it's a sign of weakness being helped by others which also manifests itself as believing it is weak to show emotions (energy-in-motion) and feelings which can often cause them to be 'stuck' and stubborn and set in their ways and its really quite sad to see either gender be 'too' male or 'too' female when maybe the ideal would be to embrace a more holistic range of qualities, to be on harmony with ourselves which then manifests as harmony with others.

I hope that made sense (I'm sorry I'm rushing this)

Pornography of any description does nothing but fuel that imbalance even further and was indeed probably borne out of the collective males totally out of balance world view/approach to life/relationships etc.

So you may need to change your approach because if he thinks you are trying to change him (and quite understandably most women do feel the often justified need to change their male partners) he will close up like a muscle in its shell because that's how 'society's has conditioned him (how often has your 'help' been interpreted as 'nagging '?)

Women tend to be so much more sociable and they often LIKE to discuss their problems with friends etc because they haven't got this 'macho ideal' to live up to so you might have to be VERY patient with him and try a different approach because he will not kick this overnight.

If you want to do some reading try the following (honestly you would be wise to educate yourself not only on his problem, but solutions and the dynamics of your relationship and these will help you do that, patience is the key though)

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/097722080X

http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/0747585520

http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/0007152590

I know that's a lot of reading and the last two might look like odd suggestions but honestly they will REALLY help you make sense of what's going on between you and I can't recommended.them enough.

So just to end please let me stress the importance of patience and not to go onto 'battle' with this because it doesn't have to be a 'fight' and if you can approach it from an angle of compassionate understanding (even if you think he doesn't deserve it, do that for YOU at least) you will have a better chance of a mutually beneficial outcome?

See if this thread and/or the ones it contains links to help?

http://www.nofap.org/forum/showthread.php?2655-The-Way-of-Harmony

These are just suggestions and I sincerely hope they help. All the best to you and your partner

Mark · Jan 9, 2014

Also this is really really good and may help both of you at some stage (you to put your point across and him to get it!) All the best

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gRJ_QfP2mhU&feature=youtube_gdata_player

sociological siren · Jan 9, 2014

Thank you jiltedjohn for taking the time and effort to feedback some advice and links. I really enjoyed the you-tube vid link, this guy made a lot of logical sense to what is an increasing problem happening in the world between men and women, he also touched on many points morally I hold dear in my values and beliefs where a relationship is concerned, and my beliefs about indulging in even milder explicit sexual images being unhealthy within a relationship. I'm trying to understand that maybe his habits that hurt me emotionally that also have had major affects on my self worth have stemmed from unconscious societal conditioning that maybe he was at a young age as a male and didn't understand himself what path mentally and sexually he was walking on that's led to this habit in our relationship that seems to get in the way of deeper intimate connection, trust and bonding. But whilst trying to be compassionate, calm and commutative in regards to his habit recently, I am also trying to bring it to his awareness that the severity of the materiel he's choosing to watch hard-core or soft core nudity, sex scenes that always seem part of the parcel of most things he views on Television..that might not be the issue here, and that the real issue here is what keeps attracting him back to continually watching such material when his long term girlfriend is in the room or not in the same room. As I believe this will be the starting point to his realization and make way for better adjustment and a healthier relationship all round

Mark · Jan 9, 2014

Maybe what keeps attracting him back is his 'addiction' (ingrained habitual behaviour etc) so yes you have to her to the root cause and deal with that.

And please remember that a 'soft' approach is not a weak one and it appears you are taking a balanced, thoughtful, approach to this (even by virtue of the fact you came on here) So you have to be assertive with this (neither passive or aggressive) because he clearly has a problem and your own self respect, sense of self worth at least must be telling you that you can no longer tolerate this for reasons that are obvious to you but maybe not to him and I guess the direction your relationship takes from here on will depend upon your willingness and ability to communicate effectively with each other (which is of MASSIVE importance in any relationship)

My youngest son (10) loves me but recently am struggling to get him to visit me because I don't have an x-box and even when I go round to see him he is staring at a screen and doesn't even say hello and I'm really wanting to help him move beyond it. I know a man who has Parkinsons disease who takes dopamine based medication to help him move his body and a side effect has been a massive addiction to playing games on an Xbox (or whatever he has?) His wife despairs because he hardly notices her and he lives for the thrill of his next game and the extra dopamine rush and both my son and him are similar despite their differences- male, addicted to the dopamine rush their 'games' give them, in total and utter denial and not willing at all to discuss it, and pissing everybody else off around them but carrying on regardless!!

In the first book I mentioned it follows a system described in the link below and my son and the gent I mentioned are stuck in the either the pre-contemplation or contemplation stages and I suspect the same is true of your partner. Your next job is to fully ensure he is in 'contemplation' moving into 'preperation' and to be any further than that at this stage would be too much too soon and you would both probably end up back to square one pretty soon?? (It will make sense when you read the link)

I don't know though, these are just suggestions, I just hope they help?

http://www.nofap.org/forum/showthread.php?2057-Changing-for-Good

FrustratedDumbBunny · Jan 9, 2014

AMEN Brother!

Mark · Jan 12, 2014

http://www.nofap.org/forum/showthre...of-us-watch-porn-EVER-again-after-seeing-this

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You watch porn and YOU are part of the problem!! (However you rationalize it!)

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aron Fapstronaut

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