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Private Internet Access Gives Me Strong Urges

Discussion in 'Compulsive Sexual Behavior' started by Confiscate, Mar 15, 2019.

  1. Confiscate

    Confiscate Fapstronaut

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    I have the willpower to abstain from P and M but when i have access to internet when i'm alone i have strong urges to M/Roleplay/O to pictures of celebrities or models (Soft P).

    I spend my precious time to find a roleplay partner in chat rooms (sometimes for hours) until i find someone good that wants to play the celeb/model while i show her pictures over screenshare full screen...

    We proceed to roleplay a realistic scene where she knocks on my door like in real life with vanilla sex included. This roleplay hobby has evolved over the years that regular vanilla roleplay scenes became boring.

    I need and want femdom and feet focused roleplay scenes and it's even harder to find a good roleplayer with similar taste interest now, it has become even more time wasting as a result.

    Sometimes i get so frustrated not finding a good roleplay partner at a particular time and switch to femdom P instead out of frustration (including humiliation, feet worship, eating my own semen, financial domination).

    Luckily for me i'm not that stupid to spend or give money to findom models but the thought excites me and makes me M and O. The thought of a bitchy women who drains me and my bank account is a fantasy that's so exciting.

    It has become so exciting now that i even demand it in regular roleplay scenes over celeb/model pictures and even think about it when i have real sex with women. I never have and never will spend a dime on virtual findom P.

    I can however imagine that in real life if a hot women would demand money from me to worship her and M and O. I probably would do it. Depends of the price of course but it certainly would be a possibility. Finding a hot girl as my girlfriend that is aware of this power would be even more exciting and would probably be my dreamgirl.

    When i abstain from P and M for a couple of weeks these urges and thoughts completely go away of course. But unfortunately i relapsed not so long ago after a 90 day streak and i'm completely back into the vicious P and M cycle.

    What do you guys think do i have a severe problem or could i solve this problem completely by abstaining from P and M again as long as possible?

    Personally i think i have to block my access to the internet. This has helped me abstain for more than 90 days in the past. Unfortunately i need internet access for my work. I tried K9 Web Blocker but i keep disabling it when i get urges.
     
  2. Find something else to take up that time where you would be alone and searching. Avoid being alone if possible, find evening activities around other people. It gets you more social and active until you are needing to sleep.
     
  3. Confiscate

    Confiscate Fapstronaut

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    That's the problem i don't have friends. Only evening activities i have is going to the gym. Besides that i spend my time working mostly. Sometimes i go to the mall or do groceries. I watch movies or tv-shows sometimes.
     
  4. Maybe a new hobby, learning something new, a class. There are things it will take some thought and planning. You can do this.
     
  5. Hey! I don't think you're doing anything extreme. In a way, I'm in a similar situation. I used to enjoy roleplay and fairly vanilla P.

    The real problem is escalation. Once I get in the loop, I can stay there for hours. And I don't want this to be consuming 25% and sometimes more of my free time. I tried and failed miserably to pace myself and do this only once a week before. I'm not sure why.

    I'd be mindful of escalation, particularly when you're fantasising already about something that you wouldn't be comfortable doing (blowing a lot of cash on findom). Right now, you think it's stupid, but so is spending hours looking for a chat partner for a roleplay (speaking from personal experience). I found this with myself as things were escalating, my decisions became less and less rational.

    Stay strong!
     

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