Lie detector test.

Hello @DesperateHousewife7,

I'm so sorry it's come to this and that there's been so many 'wasted years'. It truly is a difficult thing and can leave us feeling completely gutted.

Here's what I tell women when it comes to LDTs:

1) Ask about any of your own personal deal-breakers

2) Steer clear of things that would become obsessions for you (hair color, 'was it on our anniversary?' certain specifics you know wouldn't help, UNLESS you're asking about people he has regular contact with... it's best to get clear on those.)

3) It may be too open ended to ask this, so I'm not sure if the administrator will allow it, but after your other questions I'd ask, "Is there any other sexual activity you're hiding? Is there any interest in other women you're hiding?"

4) And what I learned from the betrayal trauma training was to always ask, "Have you researched how to beat a lie-detector test?

Hope that helps,
L

 

@DesperateHousewife7

I know. Me neither. I thought it was great!

FULL DISCLOSURE SESSIONS:
Another thing they really stressed on the training was it's best to have someone there to advocate for you... preferably a Betrayal Trauma Trained Therapist (which I am not).

They way they suggest disclosures be done is this way:

-Both parties have therapists in the room, his and yours, looking at you to see if you're triggering or if you need to take a break.

-Also both of them will steer him to be more honest and/or to give less detail.

-Usually the BT Therapist will have arranged for after care for you (like had you ready to stay somewhere else if you need to.)
-And they stressed taking two separate cars home at the very least.

In a perfect world all of us wives would have that, but if it's difficult to arrange, you're going to have to advocate for yourself if you need a break/need less detail/need to spend a few days away from him afterward.

Hope that helps,
L

 

I’ve read about lie detector tests and thought , “oh that’s an interesting idea.” Then I looked it up to see if anyone in my area performed them for sex addictions. Turns out there is a firm that does them for $600.
When my husband returned from his work shift, he told me that a wife had made her husband take a lie detector test. (Divine intervention) She didn’t trust him at all. He was horrified that she would ask that if him.
I responded with, “ya that’s a good idea. They do them here too for $600. Something to think about that’s for sure.”
His eyes just about fell out. Something tells me I should be scheduling an appointment.
Arg...this so sucks.

 

Careful @DesperateHousewife7 & @Lostneverland, setting up the questions how you need them to be asked does not always work out, and thus you may find you have wasted your money.