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Specific porn when I am feeling down

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Akaia, Mar 20, 2019.

  1. Mar 20, 2019 #1
    Akaia

    Akaia Fapstronaut

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    I consider myself to be straight, but I have noticed that I watch gay porn when I don’t feel well. If I look back at moments in my life that I was feeling great, I did not even think about it, could be for months (porn use in general decreases greatly then).

    This happens when I was single, but also (though quite rare) in my current relationship.
    Today my girlfriend called me to tell me some things she thought were not going well in our relationship. Soon after that phone call I masturbated twice to gay porn. For some reason the aggression in that type of porn speaks to me at those moments. Sometimes it feels like a punishment.
    It disgusts me afterwards.

    I’ve had a very troubling upbringing with a mentally abusive and dominant stepfather. I suspect that is where it originated from, but I’m not sure. I know that I definitely don’t feel attracted to men.

    I’m thirty years old by the way and have been doing the above in more or less frequency since my mid teens. I am fully aware that I need to stop watching porn. It also influences my sex life negatively, as I don’t perform well.

    Does any of the above make sense?
     
    Akaia, Mar 20, 2019
    Akaia, Mar 20, 2019
    #1
    NewGeneration likes this.
  2. Mar 21, 2019 #2
    Akaia

    Akaia Fapstronaut

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    Anybody?
     
    Akaia, Mar 21, 2019
    Akaia, Mar 21, 2019
    #2
  3. Mar 21, 2019 #3
    IR254

    IR254 Fapstronaut

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    Welcome to the forum,

    Escalation itself unfortunately is very common among people, who watch porn regularly. Also escalation to porn, which doesn't fit ones sexuality is not rare as well. We are often digusted by the types of porn we watched after we orgasm. I often felt that feeling of shame and disgust afterwards, too.

    You said, you watch it in particular stressful cirumstances. What you already did by telling us this, is identifiying a trigger. Stress makes you want to watch gay porn. That's good to know, because now you can try to find ways to replace your habit of seeking gay porn with something else. It will not be easy, and it will take a lot of time and effort. But it's worth it.

    I wish you good luck!
     
    IR254, Mar 21, 2019
    IR254, Mar 21, 2019
    #3
    Fixmybrain likes this.
  4. Mar 21, 2019 #4
    Warthog

    Warthog Fapstronaut

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    I'm no expert but I think when you watch so much porn that you can't get off to vanilla stuff anymore quite a lot of guys turn to Gay porn even if they are straight just as though it's like a fetish, different from normal stuff. It's why transwoman stuff is so popular. When you feel bad and relapse it might just be that you go straight to the most extreme porn your brain can think of.
     
    Warthog, Mar 21, 2019
    Warthog, Mar 21, 2019
    #4
  5. Mar 21, 2019 #5
    Akaia

    Akaia Fapstronaut

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    Thank you!

    Thank you for your explanation, it makes a lot of sense.

    It’s not so much plain stress, as it is a certain type of emotional pain. It happens mostly when I feel insignificant. The heterosexual porn variant I look up in those moments is amateur hardcore videos with a guy with a massive penis or just the woman with a massive dildo.

    I will do my best to replace it with something else.
     
    Akaia, Mar 21, 2019
    Akaia, Mar 21, 2019
    #5
  6. Mar 21, 2019 #6
    Akaia

    Akaia Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for your explanation! I believe you’re right. ‘Vanilla’ videos really don’t do it for me. It’s probably the same with how one can become desensitized to images of violence because of how easily accessible it is. You can look up anything you want.
    I used to enjoy those professionally made porno’s when I was a teen, but they don’t do anything to me now.
     
    Akaia, Mar 21, 2019
    Akaia, Mar 21, 2019
    #6
  7. Mar 21, 2019 #7
    NewGeneration

    NewGeneration Fapstronaut

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    I'm not an expert and I'm still at two weeks in PMO Free, this is my longest streak from a long time and I feel like I can do it this time, you can too, trust me I'm going through the same EXACT thing you're at now, not gay, but other extreme fetishes (golden showers, femdom, domination, scat, transwoman, etc..), you can read my entire story through my post here it wasn't my finest times, and all those fetishes there's no way I was going to do them in real life, it's just porn, It's all the effects of porn addiction,

    If you're worried, NO you're not gay, it's just your mind got used to that pattern, when you're upset & feeling down, your mind uses that specific fetish to satisfy himself, and that's when your dopamine levels hit the highest when you watch that specific type of porn, you feel good for a moment and then you feel like shit, disgusted, unworthy when your dopamine goes back to normal, it's all porn, PMO, P letter come before masturbating because it's the disaster.

    After two and a half weeks PMO free, I tell you that I started to lose my fetishes slowly, not entirely, it's still strong, but I started to feel disgusted a little bit when I think about my fetishes and that's a good sign! Other benefits will come when you stay free for a long time. We got this, welcome to the forum!
     
    NewGeneration, Mar 21, 2019
    NewGeneration, Mar 21, 2019
    #7

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