Day 1

I decided that everyday at 3pm I am going to write a journal entry on this site about my progress, urges, and why I am doing this challenge. I don't if this is the proper place for this, if it isn't please direct me the write place to post it. Thanks in advanced. I am staring the 90 day challenge today, hardmode, no PMO. For about a about a year now I have been trying to conquer my porn/masturbation addiction, but I've been going about it all wrong at beginning I was going to do 90 days no PMO but changed to just no porn shortly after. That was a mistake. Every time I masturbated I was setting myself up for failure, I increased the frequency in which I masturbated and eventually became bored of it after a month and craved porn. I am addicted to PMO and I must break free, I will break free. Why am I doing this? I fell in love with a great girl over a year ago but as attracted I was to her I could not get anything more then a partial erection, after seeing doctors I was told the problem was in my head. I figured maybe it was stress or fear but after researching I've come to conclusion that I did this to myself through excessive porn use and masturbation and my repeated attempts to quit have proven that PMO and my addiction is the problem. So no P ever again no MO for 90 days and probably longer so I don't fall back into my old cycle. My addicted brain will try to justify relapse but I won't let it, thats why I am going to post everyday from now on, to keep the reasons U'm abstaining fresh in my mind. Sometimes usually around day 30 of no porn I get erections again and thats how I convince myself to watch again. The problem I set out to fix has been fixed. Wrong its not fixed, if it was I wouldn't be craving porn. Reason number two, I'm single now but I remember how much it made my girlfriend, a person I love cry and doubt herself, I don't deserve anyone till I can guarantee I can salsify her and not make her doubt herself. Number 3, my interest are disgusting, they use to be vanilla, now there digesting and immoral. If anyone ever found out what I watched they would never talk to me again. And I know thats not my natural sexuality because when I was young I came across what I watch now and found it gross and wondered who would ever watch it, how things change. Also when I go a while without porn and relapse I can not view what I use to without feeling sick till a few days of constant porn use, then its "great"
Sorry for the wall of text, Thank you to anyone who read this. I gladly welcome anyone who has advice or just wants to chat