Self Examination

I feel this often but I have decided to forgive myself for the mistakes I have made in the past and learn from them instead of allowing them to damage my self esteem. I view them as strengths because the more problems I have made in the past, the more lessons I have learned that I can use to improve my future. Practice stating 10 things you are grateful for every morning as well as forgiving yourself and others. don't let the weight of the past drag you down, learn from it and use it to patch your weaknesses to go into the future stronger.

-Monkeymode

 

This is interesting..
I started with an idea in my head about how to answer this but when I started breaking out your question, I got to thinking, "well, How do I self examine?". I think the real answer for me is; I don't, until a problem turns up. Then I try to figure out my role in that problem and the reason for my behaving that way. This has a strange effect that I'm only noticing as I'm writing - I only self-examine the parts of me that create problems..
Recently I've started trying be more of a positive presence in people's days. This has created a bias towards doing something, rather than staying stuck in my head. It's actually one of the reasons I signed up to the forums here - to practice being a more decent man in a safe space. I'm finding that the feedback I can get by trying or expressing something different in the world gives me a very different sort of self-awareness than by thinking about myself in isolation.
That is not to say that thinking has no value, because I think it does . I find my best 'thinking only' insights come when I ask myself probing questions, as if I was my own therapist, and then wait to see what answers come. I'm often surprised at how little I understand my own answers at first. The quality of the questions I ask myself is important here and as a human, most of the content of my mind will be built from what I've read, seen and experienced. I've been reading the bible in little bits for about 8 years now and I find at the very least it offers a strong gauge to judge the value of my thoughts. I've also been watching quite a few Jordan Peterson videos recently also and I find him to be a good model of deep thinking (A quick 3 minute video if you don't know him: ).
Also, praying for insight has been a humbling and enlightening experience.

Another trick I have is to take a specific question and Run it. Literally. Take a difficult concept, like "why do I sabotage myself?" and go for a run with the intention of focusing on that question. :0) - Just noting that the way I wrote that question is against this TED talk I saw yesterday:

According to this lady, the question should more like be "what can I do to support myself in my success attempts?"
The point about the running is that I think differently when I'm on the move. If I don't have a burning question right now, I'll read a verse of scripture before I go out and chew over it.

The summary of what I initially wanted to say still stands - for me it has been important to realise that there is alot less of a link between who I have been and who I am right now than I originally assumed. So though I can feel guilt for things I have done in the past, I'm finding that it's not useful to wear that as shame for who I am now. Also I've found that having a direction or destination for who I want to be is very significant.

 

To be a little more open about the difficult side of this - when I self examine from a particular headspace, it can get scary. My thoughts turn to running away from who I see. Sometimes I'll allow myself to get all wrapped up in these thoughts. When I do, it punishes my family and coworkers the most and I'm not sure if it helps in any way. Something I've heard said recently is "thoughts are not facts. They are not true or false, but can be either helpful or not helpful". When I'm landing in the "I'm such a lazy drain on the people around me" thought vicinity, it can be useful to ask if that is helpful or not. If it is not helpful, but feels true, then the next step is to rephrase it in a way that still feels true, but is more useful e.g. "Recently I have put my leisure and pleasure ahead of consideration for others" allows me to see that I can prioritize my time but also that there is space to be a decent person in spite of the behaviour. Not a strong example, but it's one that's current for me. (You might recognise this as part of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy toolset - challenging Negative automatic thoughts)

I really appreciate you asking this question by the way, it helps me to think and to give myself advice.

Remember, "if you're going through hell, keep going"

 

Try to look at your actions separate from you self like a good friend telling how mesh up. Don't beat yourself up but don't excuse your failures.