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What do you guys think about marriage in today's society?

Discussion in 'Off-topic Discussion' started by Namekian23, Mar 22, 2019.

  1. I understand, no issue.
    The way I see it is marriage is not joy, love or happiness. Your relationship is love, joy and happiness. You have to separate the two because associating them causes massive problems for many people, exactly because they assume that if they are married - they will have joy, love and happiness.
    Many marriages have people that live though misery, hate, fear, rejection and abuse. It would then seem then that marriage can be anything from special wonderful thing to horrible miserable thing, making it pretty much undefinable. But concept of marriage is fairly well defined and has nothing to do with your experience. Its like concept of school, we know school develops kids intellectually and makes them better, more educated people.School is just a set of rules that defines how the process goes and how kids come together and interact with teachers, but it has nothing to do with individual experience of each child. Some kids thrive in school and some suffer. We have no problems talking about shortcomings that govern schools as set of rules, but for some reason marriage as set of rules seems too cold.

    I am married for 5 years, I love my wife and I think our relationship is special, our commitment to each other is special but not marriage itself.
    I am not developing our marriage I am developing our relationship
     
  2. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

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    Yeah you're right. I'm just seeking other people's options and ideas so I can shape my own marriage one day. Even though I never had a wedding myself, I want to do everything I can to be stable enough to meet the woman of my dreams. By stable, I mean becoming emotionally strong and physically capable enough to raise a family by a having a job, car, house, etc. established. It takes a lot of hard work, both mentally and psychically, and I've had enough experience and encountered enough mistakes to know where I'm going now. Unlike the other Fapstronaut you spoke to, his ideas of marriage is more of logic and yours is more of experience. I think both of you guys have some good points, but ultimately, it's up to the person who's about to get married to decide.
     
  3. SolitaryScribe

    SolitaryScribe Fapstronaut

    I think it`s simple why marriage is decayed and divorce is at an all time high.

    1: people have the wrong idea of what marriage is.
    2: people have become more selfish in the past 30 years.
     
  4. Namekian23

    Namekian23 Fapstronaut

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    Yeah you seem to understand where I'm coming from. I know my post seemed kind of long and disoriented, but I was actually looking for someone who could give me ideas on all the topics I've discussed. Because most of what I've posted involves my own experience with the concept of marriage and I'm trying to figure out some commonalities with everyone else on this post. Whether the Fapstronauts are married or not, it's good to hear their opinions.

    Just like you, I've never been married before although I'd like to someday. It's been on my mind for the longest time, and I totally agree about marriages in other countries. Some people marry too early and end up falling apart, and some have gone through horrible experiences for personal reasons. My two closest friends are the perfect example. Also, one other other thing we have in common is our own past experiences with women; although I don't consider myself the most confident guy when it comes to females, I have been able to interact with them. However, I saw none of them to my potential mate although they were great people.

    Like you said, I'd rather be stable enough, both physically and mentally, before I ever consider being married. It's just finding the right time and place for this moment to happen, and I think it works best when you just simply focus on yourself. Before, I always thought that being married or having a relationship would solve everything. But it's much more than that; it really begins with you as a person. It means being the best person that you can be, loving yourself for who you are, and just knowing that there's someone out there for you which can be a huge start. From that point on, you don't even worry about finding that special anymore. That's the way I look at it at least.
     
  5. ;)
    This was really well explained and thought out. Marriage understood as an institution? That's crazy talk my dude!;)
     
    AngelofDarkness likes this.
  6. Institution and concept are completely different things.
    Institution is an organization for specific purpose.
    Concept is a description of something, basically an idea of how something works or what it does.

    Institutions are based on one or more concepts, that explain why they exist.
    When i ask you to explain why schools are good for your community I am asking you to talk about abstract concepts associated with education not education institution itself.
    When I ask you to explain what is wrong in your neighborhood school, then we are talking about specific institution.

    Talking about marriage on the scale of a country or even entire population is supposed to be abstract and conceptual. This abstraction allows us to move from our personal view to much larger scale, leap that for some reason people do not want to make.

    But if we have to define meaning of words here, then I see why things seem crazy.
     
  7. I was being sarcastic, I agree with you. I dont want to argue semantics. I referred to marriage as an institution based off the commonly understood definition of institutions. Concepts and how marriage is understood specifically as an institution is nothing I care to defend or argue. My only point was to agree that institutions are bigger then personal experience, which is what you were saying.

    in·sti·tu·tion
    /ˌinstəˈt(y)o͞oSH(ə)n/

    noun
    1. 1.
      a society or organization founded for a religious, educational, social, or similar purpose.
      "a certificate from a professional institution"
      synonyms: organization, establishment, institute, foundation, center;More

    2. 2.
      an established law, practice, or custom.
      "the institution of marriage"

      synonyms: practice, custom, phenomenon, fact, procedure, convention, usage, tradition, rite, ritual, fashion, use, habit, wont; More
     
  8. recon117

    recon117 Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

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    I think that the importance to marry someone has drastically changed rather than the meaning itself. Most people think is not necessary to marry anmore, which is totally fine, cause what truly matters is in what condition is the relationship!

    For a long and successful marriage(relationship) in my opinion you need commitment to the other person, a long breath what I mean is endurances cause there will be times which will test your relationship!, empathy, understanding for the other person, give more than take, pay attention to the other person(important),acceptance for any kind of situations, communikations skills and so on. Yes for a successful relationship you need to love you first, foremost selfanalysis of your thought and emotion is critical!
    I recommend to be atleast three years in the relationship before marriage. That's enough to see the best and the worst from a person I think.

    I would not do what your parents say cause at the end of the day you are in the marriage or in the relationship not them! You can listen to them but I would not act upon what they say regarding this topic. I you fall in love with your own race: good :) if not also good. In this day and age it does not matter atleast I hope so !
     
    Namekian23 likes this.

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