Sense of Dread

Welcome to the community. That is your mind messing with you and trying to get you to stay in your old ways, don't listen to it. Read, learn and start making your plan. When you have it, stick to it, do not listen to what your mind is telling you.
Don't be afraid to ask questions, there is a lot of experience here and people willing to help.

 

Hey, I just want to start by validating what you're feeling. That's some real shit, and I don't want you to dismiss it as just a crazy idea. It's understandable that you would feel that way.

Having said that, recovery is possible. It's going to take a lot of hard work, patience, and honesty with yourself and with others. Take things one day at a time, and you will start to notice that you are improving.

Yes. That's a very good way to think of it. For right now, if you're just starting out, the biggest barrier between you and your recovery is time. Take things slowly. One day at a time. Soon, you will realize that the days are stacking on top of one another, and that you are healing each and every day. Even just one day clean is a gift, and you will realize that sooner rather than later.

This is sort of the "tough love" part of my response, but I'll be straightforward with you: there is no easy way out of this. I think we would all love it if there was just some button you could push or something you could incorporate into your routine that magically makes the addiction go away. As porn addicts, we are very used to having a quick and easy solution right at our fingertips. The thing is, recovery takes time and a lot of hard work. There's no easy way through it. There will be days that truly test who you are, but I don't want that to scare you. These tests will only make you stronger, and you will find a sense of satisfaction with yourself if you can meet your goals.

Good luck, man! Welcome to the community. We're all cheering for you!

 

That's great! Noticing those little patterns in your behavior (like that you are likely to act out on a night where you're alone) is a great habit to get into. Eventually, the awareness of those patterns will shift into anticipation of urges, and that makes them much easier to deal with.