Started fapping at the age of 4

TL;DR
here’s my background. I first discovered masturbation at the age of 4 and have consistently done it since then; I’m currently 26. I’m sorta foggy on how it happened but I think I saw a Victoria’s Secret magazine laying around and I got aroused by it; yes, even at the ripe old age of 4. It wasn’t soon after that I actively looked for those types of magazines around the house. My sister watched MTV and you can bet that I was right there with her. I didn’t know how to use a computer at the time. So, I would get a very good mental picture of what I saw on TV and fap to it or I would take a VS magazine. Around the age of 6 or 7 I was fapping 3 times a day, everyday. 5 times a day on Saturday’s and Sunday’s because of no school. During my grade school years I would even do it in the middle of class. I got away with it for years until I was 12. A teacher caught me doing it and told my mom. She wasn’t happy to say the least. Anyways, around that time is when I went to the family computer and started looking at harder stuff. Not long after, youtube came around and that just opened a new world of content. I was still fapping 3 times a day. Up until 10th or 11th grade my body began to slow down on the frequency that I did it. I just simply couldn’t keep up with that pace anymore. I found that I needed harder, rauchier stuff to get me going. I met a girl when I was 21 and got married when I was 23. I still was doing it the whole time. After we married we had sex and I was able to have a full orgasm without porn. I didn’t look at any porn for 2 months after we got married but not long after, my addiction came raging back and I started porn again. I needed to look at porn before we had sex so i could get hard. I often thought about other women during the deed so I could keep going. (Not something I’m proud of.) She ended up being a crazy woman and we divorced last year. As of now I’m still PMO’ing and this time I’m seriously ready to quit. Even though my ex was nuts I’m not at all proud of looking at porn and thinking of other women while we were married. I’m not proud of looking at it at all. It has controlled my life, ruined my ability to have sex, strained my relationship with God. (I’m a Christian man) I’ve tried to quit probably 2 dozen times over the course of my life and have never been able to. I can go a week or two but the lust, the desire takes over. God has led me to NoFap and I’m glad that I’m not alone in this. Unfortunately I relapsed today after 7 days of no PMO and I’m discouraged but I believe this community can help me quit. I feel for everyone who’s suffering from the jaws of pornography. It really is a drug that warps the mind, body and soul; and anyone who says otherwise is a fool. Godspeed to everyone who’s on the journey and may the Lord give you strength.

 

Thanks buddy. It’s a shame that it hasn’t been officially recognized as an addiction. It affects so many men and even women across the globe

 

Yes for real. Better late than never!