Struggling to subdue M

So I've joined NoFap about 2 months ago. I started it because I have trouble cumming in my sex life (delayed ejaculation). I used to take 2h or so total, after 1 and half+ I'd have to start M cos my partners either get sore, or tired from multiple orgasms or even bored (non-spoken, but I can sense it). Then I spend 20 or so mins with M to finish. I keep things entertaining by mixing it up with BJs, going down on them, bit of 69, telling them to M me, etc.

It helps a lot that I have a relationship now which is mostly based on frequent sex. I've managed to bring porn under control and M a lot less frequently (from around 5 days per week, sometimes more than once in a day, down to about twice per week when we don't see each other for 5+ days straight). I don't really use porn videos any more and try to M from pictures only so as to increase my brain's ability to fantasise again rather than being spoon fed a fantasy.

I'm enjoying sex a lot more and I find my partner a lot more attractive after quitting porn, but I am still not finding enough stimulation to cum from sex, anal or BJs. I still take around 1h and a bit to cum now and still need to finish through M every time. Managed a couple of times to finish while she was masturbating me, but most of the time it takes forever and her arms get tired, at which point it ruins it for me as I don't want her to be in pain, so I have to take over. The urge to finish is intense, so the sex must be doing something for the buildup I guess, otherwise I wouldn't feel like this.

I'm out of ideas at this point. I don't even remember ever cumming from sex alone so this is also a problem. I need tons of visual, auditory, sensing stimulation to push me over the edge. (she's not much of a dirty talker unfortunately, I have to instigate it). I think I'll be OK after it happens the first time.

I read somewhere that I should try getting close to the edge, then getting inside of her for the climax. This is problematic because I have to move from a M position to a penetrating position and ruins the focus/moment for me which can lead to a ruined orgasm that feels awful, then have to M like another 5mins to get back to where I was before.

Any suggestions? I suspect my penis isn't sensitive enough yet from death grip and the fact that I have to finish through masturbation every time is perpetuating the issue.

PS:I have fleshlights but can't use them right now as I am in shared accommodation and it's too risky going to the bathroom to clean the fleshlight.

 

I had a major breakthrough, but not in the way one would think. So turns out, I was using my fleshlight wrong to solve my problem. Instead of using it to M, I tried fucking it instead in a standing position. Felt incredibly similar to sex and as it turns out, I had the same problem climaxing as with sex and took me about 1h, with porn in front of me, and I struggled to climax, but did so in a really weird way and intensely like never before on my own, and a bit better than M with a partner.

This is a two-fold breakthrough for me because it means.
#1 I am having trouble multi-tasking eg. doing something and focusing on sensations at the same time. (+Possible residual sensitivity issues from death grip as well.)
#2 makes sense why a partner can't make me climax because I am doubtful to relinquish control because, historically, I don't trust them to know me well enough to "do me" properly in such a way that I don't have to intervene, introducing problem #1 again. So I'm always on the edge that my partner won't be able to satisfy me the way I need at any given time (eg. match tempo, speed, pressure, perfectly as I need it at any given time).

This explains lots of things for me. Like why the times I remember climaxing with a partner was when they were doing me so good/perfect that I wasn't distracted from the sensations. Or why 1 of my go-to porn types is female completion. Or why when I use M to finish myself off, it often helps to have a finger inside my partner while she grinds on it.

 

I went down a more progressive route and switched from P videos to P photos. Seems to work. Gives me a fantasy subject without spoon feeding me a fantasy. In other words, brain engaged vs brain dead whilst M. Eventually I obviously want to stop P.

 

Quick question. How do I know when to stop having sex though if I don't O? I can go for hours hard...