I just realized to how great of an extent porn has damaged me during a movie

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by N1[] @|_, Apr 9, 2019.

  1. N1[] @|_

    N1[] @|_ Fapstronaut

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    Before I end my day I just wanted to talk about this incident I just had....

    So me and my family were watching a movie on TV.
    It was about a Police officer trying to convict some Rich people's kids of rape and murder of many innocent girls. He eventually loses his family and fails to convict them because of their money and hold on the government and police

    The thing is.... There was a scene...
    When the protagonist made his 1st encounter with the criminals... They dared him to try and arrest them if he can...
    And to trigger him, the criminals showed him a video of them raping the girl in a mini van.
    It was of course censored
    But...
    On seeing that 99% of me was filled with disgust
    But the most horrible thing was that 1 % of me was actually aroused by it
    That 1%... It disgusts me just thinking that actually happen.
    I always talked about how horrible rape is, about the many ways the criminals should be tortured for what they did
    But today... Seeing that scene.... What those guys were doing to her....

    Tell me... What's the difference between that and a "gangbang"?
    How come I've spent so much time in the past enjoying one and at the same time despising the thought of the other?!
    This sickness! Until now I never thought it would make something so horrible seem arousing to me! This is the worst of the worst effects it has had on me!
    Seeing what I've become, I'm more determined than ever to somehow quit this disgusting habit!


    I don't know guys... I really don't know...
    Have any of you ever been in such a situation?
    I'm currently absolutely disgusted with myself.
    Even though nothing happened... Even though it was just for the smallest moment... The fact that something that cruel and horrible managed to arouse me a little is killing me...
     
  2. I don't think that's abnormal, actually. When you're trying to recover from a porn addiction any reference to any sort of sexual activity can have that effect. Plus, there's all that scientific stuff about your brain wanting more and more novelty. Hence why people end up watching bestiality, violence and wanting to watch younger and younger girls etc.
     
    acquasalata likes this.
  3. kittyintheworld

    kittyintheworld Fapstronaut

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    i would get turned on by watching horrible crime scenes too and looking back inspite of being a lady i think its one the horrible thoughts i have had in my mind.. i had to realise this that crime against women are so popularly depicted as something women like.. but they dont its horrible acts happening to them.. i think its the media fault or the porn in general that causes such things to even enter our mind...
     
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  4. N1[] @|_

    N1[] @|_ Fapstronaut

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    Thanks, I needed to hear that...
    What you said is spot on...
    Porn has succeeded in getting the outrageous idea that women actually enjoy it...

    I mean I feel so low thinking that I enjoy watching it. It hurts me knowing that I'm just 2 weeks in and I'm pretty sure if someone shows me one of the similar videos I watched earlier I'd get aroused without a doubt....

    I really want to get over this as quickly as I can.

    Seriously, Thanks for sharing your opinion. I'm relieved I'm not alone
     
    alfianlight likes this.
  5. N1[] @|_

    N1[] @|_ Fapstronaut

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    Ya man.... Just thinking about it scares me...

    How far must I have messed up my brain to see something so cruel and disturbing as arousing

    But... I guess it's because we all realized something like this that we are quiting eh..

    Thanks for sharing your opinion bro, really appreciate it
    It's relieving to know It's not just me
     
  6. kittyintheworld

    kittyintheworld Fapstronaut

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    i think i was in a position myself where this fake image of all the girls liking what bad was happening to them has crowded my mind since i was very little.. and its just the criminal minds making us accept the wrong.. no its not fine to molest girls on the road.. not fine to eve tease let alone rape.. i remember looking at the movies and thinking that being kidnapped is fun or something as a child and i look back and .. its ohk something that i should have been thinking like
     
    N1[] @|_ likes this.
  7. I once asked a question about something like this to my wife. And I got that look, you know the one. Hahaha
    She looked at me and said, is this a real question?
     
  8. N1[] @|_

    N1[] @|_ Fapstronaut

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    Yeah I understand

    But wait you lost me at " as a child I thought kidnapping was fun"
    By child, how old did you mean? And how is kidnapping fun?
     
  9. N1[] @|_

    N1[] @|_ Fapstronaut

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    Bruh, I don't have a wife XD
    I don't know what look you meant
     
  10. Here, I'll try. -_-
     
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  11. N1[] @|_

    N1[] @|_ Fapstronaut

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    lol
    Oh that look! XD
     
  12. Haha, see, even you know that look.
     
    N1[] @|_ likes this.
  13. Change92

    Change92 Fapstronaut

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    Hey man I don't think it's unusual and that you're a horrible person because 1% of you was aroused. You weren't aroused because of torture or the rape, although because of the idea of a nude woman. It's just biology.
     
  14. Change92

    Change92 Fapstronaut

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    I'd also like to add that if you were aroused by the actual act of raping then that's a different story, although it seems like you're against rape so like I said it's only because of the idea of a nude woman.
     
  15. N1[] @|_

    N1[] @|_ Fapstronaut

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    No, not the rape!
    There wasn't any rape scenes,
    It was just a scene with a guy holding a camera and his friends in a van holding a naked girl


    It's just that....
    This is embarrassing to admit but
    Ive seen a few videos of " gangbangs"
    I believe you know what that is

    99% of me wanted to kill the guys for what they are doing to that poor girl. By 99% I genuinely mean 99%
    Like I was sad with tears nearly coming from my eyes seeing what's happening to her
    I was absolutely enraged by the fact that the guys actually took a video and enjoy watching it later after they killed the girl

    But in the farthest corner of my mind, that reminded me of a gangbang. That's the reason I believe I got aroused.
    The fact that seeing such a horrible act even brought up that memory terrifies me
    It was a real eye opener to show me just how messed up the things they show in porn actually is...
    I've never seen anything ridiculous like torture porn so I don't think it was the "rape" part that aroused me. I genuinely believe it was because it reminded me of you know... GB
     
    alfianlight likes this.
  16. Change92

    Change92 Fapstronaut

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    The "gangbangs" you watched, they were unscripted, like real? As in a person actually got violently raped by a group of guys for real?

    That's definitely a good reason to quit porn man.
     
    alfianlight likes this.
  17. N1[] @|_

    N1[] @|_ Fapstronaut

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    No, it was scripted I suppose

    I hate remembering them now but...

    It involved the girl 1st giving interview and talking about what all she likes and then they proceed to the main stuff. No violence, just her doing it with 4 guys while she layed on a table...

    Another was a girl first posing alot for the camera then did with a bunch of guys one by one

    I didn't get what you meant if it was scripted or not but this is how the video goes

    Really wish i didn't have to bring up memories of it :(
     

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