She has to get off the pill

My girlfriend is on several medications (she has chronic migraine). Therefore she is not able to take the pill, or take any contraceptives which influence her hormones.
She uses the calendar method for years now. It involves much discipline because she constantly has to keep track of her period and ovulation. But it works. After her ovulation until ~5 days after the first day of her period. we can have sex without a condom. Beware that it involes a lot of trust to use this method.
In your case, your so could use alternate methods like the spiral for example.
Otherwise i always keep a couple of condoms with me if we are going out. Just like you take your keys or ID with you.
All the best!

 

Do you ever want children together?

 

Then why don't you get a vasectomy? It's a simple, inexpensive procedure, and then there is no concern for your intimacy or her health. Easy!

 

There are iud’s
Also condims do not have to interupt anyyhing
I dated a girl before I was married that said no comdom no sex. I tried the old excuse that it would break the flow.
We were getting hot our very first time and I was not putting on a condom and she was not stopping me (I know dumb) she was doing oral and I moved to enter her and she did not stop me
After we finished she reached down and held my penis as I slide out
And she slide a condom off me that I didn’t even know was on.
It was amazing surprise

 

I've been snipped for many years now. No adverse effects whatsoever.

 

If your done and dont what kids snipped is the way

 

I’m not sure how comfortable she is about tracking her ovulation but I never use condoms and I don’t believe in fake hormones / pills / birth control devices. I have sex with my boyfriend regularly and haven’t gotten pregnant in 5 years as long as he cums outside during my ovulation week.

 

Honestly,

You should get a vasectomy. I dont know why men have this stigma around it. If you want good and stress free sex why not do it.

I know alot of people who have gotten that done.

I dont have one because my wife can't have kids.

Please dont take what I am about to say the wrong way, but you are coming off like a diva.

Be thankful in this day and age you have options around sex and not getting her pregnant. There are ALOT of men who would kill just to have a wife who is WILLING to have sex with them on the regular.

It's simple dude......use condoms or get a vasectomy........ get back to having GOOD SEX with your woman. While @de severn is correct in tracking ovulation works, why put more pressure on your wife for intercourse?

Get back to loving her and showing her how you want to do what you can to make sex EASIER for her.

 

As with Prov2416 above, I hope you don't take the following the wrong way:

IMO, it's not just a question of her physical health. It's a question of her mental and emotional health, and above all a question of respect for her, both as your partner and simply as a person who has the right to bodily autonomy.

The only person who has a right to make a decision about what happens to a person's body is that person themselves. A healthy and respectful relationship is built on respect for your partner's right to make decisions about their own body. Even if your partner didn't have specific health risks associated with taking the pill, or even if it didn't pose health risks when combined with other medications she might be taking, it would still be her right to decide not to take it.

It is worth reading up on the effects of contraceptive pills on the body. Each pill has its own possible side effects, but what they all have in common is that they interfere with your regular hormonal balance in a way that goes against the natural functioning of the body. This is why women on the pill have often reported mood swings, depression, or a number of other physical side effects. I think anyone who is giving up PMO can empathise with this, given what we now know about the effects of PMO on your hormonal and neurochemical balance. I have known a number of female friends who have reported that they felt a huge difference in their emotional balance and general well-being once they stopped taking the pill and allowed their hormones to go back to their natural balance. Sound familiar to people who have stopped using PMO?

Other methods such as IUDs can work, of course, but don't work universally. IUDs tend to work best for women who've already given birth, and are less suited for women who haven't given birth before - I know women who have not been able to use one because it was too painful to insert. Similarly, methods like the calendar method work for some couples, though again, they do put the onus on the women to do the work of calculating her ovulation period and taking responsibility for making sure her partner knows when there is a higher risk of pregnancy. Ultimately, I think male partners should not only respect their SO in whatever decision they make about contraception, but should also support them in doing so - also doing their research into different contraception options, helping with the financial and administrative burden, maybe going with them to get contraception, and certainly considering options that they themselves can take care of (e.g. using a condom, or the vasectomy option mentioned above if you and your partner are both cool with that). Which leads me to my next point.

We live in a society in which the pressure is, by and large, still very much on women to take the pill and/or to take responsibility for contraception. If the onus is on women to take the pill or otherwise deal with birth control (as in the 'calendar method' mentioned above), it is they who end up having to stress about whether they're taking the pill properly and/or on time, whether they're going to experience any side effects, or otherwise whether their period cycle is going as expected, whether they've missed a period, and so on and so on. This is just part of the huge mental load that a lot of women have - cumulative invisible stresses that most men don't tend to need to worry about, including being the 'household manager' who male partners in the relationship often see as the 'delegator of chores' - meaning that the man often waits to be asked to do something before doing it - this cartoon does a good job at summing up the domestic aspect of this problem: https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/may/26/gender-wars-household-chores-comic. And that's without even going into the anxieties that women face every day as soon as they step outside of the house - until profound changes happen in society, women still need to scan every environment they're in to check that they're safe and that there are no potential threats, to check they're not being followed, to check that guys around them aren't going to harass them or worse, to figure out how to minimise the likelihood of being ogled or harassed, and what to do in case it happens - this aspect is dealt with well here https://english.emmaclit.com/2019/01/12/the-consequences/. This creates a huge mental and emotional load that men don't have to deal with (and I'm not even going to comment on how much a PA's ogling can weigh on SO's mental and emotional load, as I think that this has been explained very well in the posts of many SOs on this forum, who may weigh in here if they wish to do so).

This is why I think abstaining from PMO and ogling and properly working on recovery from such behavioural addictions isn't just something we do to improve life for ourselves, but is also something we should all take responsibility for if we want to improve the lives of the women around us - and not only those of our partners. Not only that, but I think that, for those of us in a relationship, going on the journey of recovery from sex-related addictions can and should be a first step in the direction of improving the quality of our SOs' lives and, in doing so, improving the quality of our relationships (just as NoFap is often a springboard for other people for improving countless other aspects of their lives).

I think that recovery, done properly, involves becoming more aware of our partner's own needs, and how to make sure that we are helping to fulfil them. Once you've started working on your life in the bedroom and having conversations about intimacy, it develops your capacity to listen to them and to understand what their own problems are, what their own frustrations with the relationship are, and how you can help with them. It helps you get more in tune with those needs and feelings, to anticipate them and to take responsibility for doing things - without being pre-empted - that help to improve their emotional and mental wellbeing and lighten their mental load.

By tackling ogling and the whole culture that exists around pornography, we're also helping to lighten the mental load of other women and, in the longer term, to make real change in society - first of all because we'll be one less person ogling them and therefore one less person contributing to their stress, but secondly because real recovery involves supporting others along the same journey and helping others to become aware of how to change their unhelpful habits.

So I think that, all in all, the best thing you can do is to support her in getting off the pill and to take responsibility for birth control in your relationship as she has had to up until now. Your SO will thank you for it, and what you may initially lose in sensation and spontaneity with condoms (though I don't believe the spontaneity argument - as long as you get in the habit of having some close at hand, it really doesn't detract that much from sex), you will probably gain in terms of your SO's wellbeing and in terms of the balance in your relationship. I think your observation about your own resistance to condoms being your brain looking for an excuse to relapse is probably correct - we all have ways in which our brain tries to make us rationalise our dependency on PMO. You mentioned you don't like changes - isn't giving up PMO a huge change in itself? What if giving it up helped you to change your attitude towards change, and to see change as an opportunity to grow, both personally and in your relationship?

One final question - does your SO know about your recovery from PMO addiction? Do you talk about it with her?

 

Honestly, I'm in shock. And I do not quite understand how to treat such information.