Hello NoFap Community

I am here because I have come to the conclusion that porn, masturbating, and entertaining fantasies is unhealthy for my life, including marriage, work, and mental health. I am 34 year old married tradesman. A few years ago I started to realize my viewing of porn and masturbating was causing me marital issues, and had the potential to be an issues at work due to the fact I was engaging in behaviors that would put my work in jeopardy. I started to realize my behavior wasn't healthy and was compulsive. I had very few boundaries. I tried doing SAA telephone conference and tried to just deal with it myself and abstain from those behaviors. Though my frequency decreased and I did manage to abstain for a while it didn't last and eventually wound up back in the same cycle, of guilt and self disappointment. I initially thought my behavior wasn't harmful to me but it caused my wife grief and made her question her position in my life. I now see over time and much reflection and moments I should have had a formal reset, it is unhealthy behavior which will only end in problems. I have come here because I am hoping to have a place to reflect, and have accountability. I hope to start a reboot soon though I have been abstaining already for a few weeks now. I want to plan this well and communicate with my wife how to go about this in a way that is healthy for both of us. That seems like a good start. So reboot to come. Anyone with reboot experience while married please feel free to add any helpful advice do's/ don'ts what helped you. What helped her? Thanks for taking the time to read this and hello.

 

Thanks for the reply. I am in therapy with a behavioral psychologist. Been going a few weeks now. Working on regular communication with my wife, and building trust. Trying to design a reboot plan that works for us both. Obviously no P&M but was thinking we should limit our sex, so as to not partake, until we can't stand not doing it VS getting the urge and being able to act. I also wanted to add one new healthy habit as like a secondary goal as well.

 

Well the wife and I agreed to scrap the resisting each other part...still P&M free. Been very active with the wife much more than ever before. Seeing therapist weekly or close to it. It continues to surprise me how much I wasted time, BS'D myself with justification, and it is also interesting how much self reflecting I do and how much more aware of myself I am becoming. Not just in this but in all avenues, I see how character flaws carry over into other problems. It seems to help me be more honest aboia those flaws the more I am honest with myself about this problem.