Thinking of sex with wife?

Ok, just a few things to think of. It sounds like your marriage is not in a great place right now - why would you be thinking of getting her pregnant? Is this a mutual desire you've already discussed? If it's no 3 you are going for, you know the stress, work, and love that is for both of you... Also - a baby will not patch the issues for you. You sound like a gambler, going for the big win. Back off a little, wait for some healing in your marriage. I know you want her, probably more so because your usual release us shut off to you.. But she has to be wanting it too...

I commend your 9 days - it's a great start. But if it follows years of betrayal in her eyes, you're still on the first rung to winning back favour. You will improve yourself if you start thinking of her as a whole person, not just a partner for your pleasure. You may go insane in the meantime... Start planning for a wait.

 

My opinion (even though I'm just 16, you better remember that while reading this) is that its wrong. Although for some one NOT-addicted to P its no big deal but for us P-addicts it does hamper our growth. There is no reason for you to not have sex with her even though you are in this process (again, MY opinion).
Try to convince her that you are trying to improve yourself, YOU ARE AND YOU MUST GIVE IT YOUR EVERYTHING. Tell her what you are trying to do and ask for help because she must help as this not you alone! You couple are married and there is no reason why she mustnt help if she thinks its that bad that she can involve sexually with you. This must be tough for both of you but you have to make it work together! Again, I must ask you to convince her again even though its obvious that you must have already done that. You have to make her realize how big this is for you and the make the solution work together in harmony.
About these thoughts of yours, they are being driven to you by both means as a husband and as a recoverer from PMO-addiction but I guess PMO plays the big hand here. Thinking about sex and having sex are obviously different! Thinking is being driven by an addiction and the real act is driven by love.
In my opinion having sex is not a big deal but you must not keep thinking about it all the time or even day-dream about sex at all as these happens with us too and its a trigger for and by our addiction. Make her understand, it is going to get better my friend.
Keep the hopes up and give this shot at NO-P all that you have. Do it for both of you!

 

Excellent advice, M L and painistemporary. I have nothing to add.

 

Don't be selfish, Seamonkey. Give your wife time to heal. She feels betrayed now. She needs to rethink her sexual relations with you, and it might be a while before she wants to offer herself sexually to you. Let her have that time.

In the meantime, heal yourself. Stop PMO. Your brain is craving its dopamine hit right now, and you need to abstain from porn, masturbation and orgasm long enough so that it knows that its not going to get what it wants and that it will not get any more orgasms from porn. Having sex during this process can be detrimental. Even a natural orgasm floods the brain with dopamine, which lights up your craving centers and drives you back to porn. Your wife not wanting to have sex is a good thing. You need time to heal, and orgasming naturally will only hinder your progress.

Basically your brain needs to unlearn P+M= O and relearn sex with a real live woman= O.

 

What is important to acknowledge that her being upset is legit. All her negative feelings are legit. She is 100% percent right to be angry, feel sad, get mad, feel betrayed and -sorry to say- be repulsed by you. It is her right to deny you sex for the rest of your life. This doesn't mean that this will actually happen, but never try to dismiss her feelings because you may soon find yourself divorced, and rightfully so.

You need to be ready for a long time without sex and orgasm. Months, maybe years. Too often do we realise that what is the price of PMO-ing. It looks easy, simple, free, but in the end, we'll have to pay back the loan.
I wish you strenght. I also suggest trying to communicate with your wife as much as you can, because that's the only thing that can help. And it's not about your needs...its about hers.

But I think in the end, it can come out right, even if it's a daunting task. Good luck.

 

You really got a lot of great opinions right now to help you seamonkey! Hope this does you some good.

 

There's a whole huge section on YBOP about rebooting with a partner. You might want to check out this link: http://yourbrainonporn.com/the-porn-healing-paradox

Now, I think that I may have said this in reply to one of your previous posts, but I'm going to say it again. You need to learn to think of and love the whole person who is your wife. Not separate her into 2 different entities, one who is a person and one who is your outlet for sex. Right now, it seems like you're really just thinking of her as an outlet for sex. While I do think it's better to fantasize about her that pron. You should be really careful and honest with yourself about whether or not it's really HER that you're thinking about or some objectified fantasy.

You need to give her time to heal and if you haven't already, you need to apologize for the lying to her, in addition to the porn. For me, it was all the LIES that really hurt me and pissed me off, much more so than the porn. Right now, there's a good chance that she's thinking that the only reason you're upset/sorry is that you got caught. You need to prove to her through your actions that the reason you are sorry is that you hurt her. Like I said before, keep up the nofap, give her space and do one thing for her everyday that shows you love her. Hopefully, after time and healing, the two of you can reconnect and move on.