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Physical pain from nofap

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by corylife, Apr 21, 2019.

  1. corylife

    corylife Fapstronaut
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    Im so addicted to pornography that I have to scream into my pillow and grab my hair, just to distract the weird mental pain that goes on in my head when im on my 2nd, 3rd or 4th day of NoFap. Its crazy. Porn has completely hijacked my reward system, will I ever get a normal functioning brain or is it too late? After a week I get depressed, and I just end up fapping so that I can feel all stress relieved and normal again. im 19 and porn has been my life since I was 12.... I first discovered porn as a child when my brain was still developing at 8 years old because me and my friend accidentally stumbled upon it.
     
    Woken warrior likes this.
  2. Pureplecity

    Pureplecity Fapstronaut

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    Listen. The reason all this is happening to you is because there’s still apart of you that wants to watch porn. It’s all about your mindset. You have to want this as bad as you want to breath! Once you get to the point where you go to yourself “I’m completely done with pmo” and actually mean it, you will get angry, sexually frustrated and relapse because you want to pmo. Yes urged may come but crap man, they aren’t anything if you generally want to give up pmo. Be a man and commit 100% and you won’t get urged anymore unless you give yourself urges.
     
    Woken warrior likes this.
  3. not sure if this is the same thing but i have had bad headaches the past two days, maybe because both days i have had little sleep?.
     
  4. daymare

    daymare Fapstronaut

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    Although I can see what you mean, I'd like to comment to this.
    I don't mean this in a bad way, but to me, personally, saying urges aren't anything if you want to give up on pmo, and be a man, aren't exactly encouraging comments to stop PMO-ing.
    Being a man implies that one shouldn't be a sissy, one should stay strong, and not complain about it. To me, when someome told me this, it always felt like I was weak when almost pulling my hear out having these crazy urges. "I'm a man, I shouldn't complain. What is wrong with me, I should be strong." I think complaining is the way to go, at least in a way of sharing how you feel. It's true that you shouldn't step into 'I'm a victim mode'. But telling people how you feel is good!
    Funny sidenote: being a man also implies that you should spread your seed and keep masturbating to 2D women on a computer screen! The reason that you want to PMO is because according to your reward circuit in your brain you are doing what to be a man is supposed to do! It doesn't distinguish between real and fake procreation! Don't get me wrong, but saying urges aren't anything if you want to give up on pmo is just not true. I've tried countless times, and I want to stop PMO really badly! It destroys my life! Relapsing doesn't mean that I didn't want to give up badly enough, it means that the urges got the better of me, because they are, neurogically speaking way stronger than your willpower. I think the key to change is that if you relapse, you should NOT GIVE UP! Don't see it as a failure. You aren't weak, you just couldn't resist your brain telling you what you need to do, which is normal. Neurologically speaking you can't want to stop PMO-ing as bad as you want to breathe. Dopamine wants the addiction, in this case PMO. This is so much stronger than the rationalized no you keep saying, as this no, this willpower, doesn't come with surges of dopamine telling you to really wanting to be not watching porn right now.


    As to reply to your struggles, I know how it feels. I'm on day 11 myself and have been a hardcore porn addict since age 12, no being 31. Answering your question, you will get a normal functioning brain if you abstain from PMOing. It is NEVER too late. As to relapsing, abstaining for 7 days and then PMOing is far better than PMOing every day. See if you can make your streak longer, every time. 7 days, 8 days, etc. You will develop a better restistance to porn everytime you succeed for a longer period. All the best, keep it up! And try not to feel like a failure if you happen to relapse. Cause this gives you even more urges to relapse, to get that dopamine hit.
     
    corylife likes this.
  5. IR254

    IR254 Fapstronaut

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    I understand, where you're coming from but I would like to post a comment I made in another thread, since I believe it is very suitable for your point. Originally, I was talking about the matter of "avoiding triggers forever", but it fits here as well I believe:

    So, let me just emphasize: I'm not blaiming anyone for relapsing. Changing a life-long believe system is one of the hardest task you could undergo. But it's the key to our freedom. What you do, when you tell yourself the "urges got the better of you" is, you're questioning your own free will. Your making yourself a toy of your own thoughts.
     
    corylife and daymare like this.
  6. Pureplecity

    Pureplecity Fapstronaut

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    I think you miss understood me friend. I said be a man and commit 100% to this. You see it’s all about your mind set. If you 90% want to give up pmo and 10% still really wants to watch it all the time you will watch it. You won’t get urges if you 100% want to give it up and especially getting rid of social media and YouTube won’t hurt :)
     
    Woken warrior, corylife and daymare like this.
  7. daymare

    daymare Fapstronaut

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    Hey man :). Hmm yeah, I know what you mean. I guess I just used your comment to work things out for myself, getting the train of thought I was having out of my head, sorry for that. Still, personally, I feel that having urges is part of the deal, when quitting, for it is an addiction. Even if you want to give it up a hundred percent. But it doesn't matter, we're all here to help each other, right? How are you doing, have you quit PMO, and don't you have any urges?

    That being said, @corylife - how is it going?
     
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  8. daymare

    daymare Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for your helpful reply. Of course you're not blaming anyone for relapsing! I didn't think you were :). I think you're absolutely right about the importance of changing your belief system. Being in the now, realising there is only this one moment, helped me through a lot of difficult moments. Sure, I'm questioning free will at times. From e.g. a neurological or deterministic viewpoint, freedom of choice is very debatable. The choices I'm making now might be predetermined, how could I know?
    Of course, and I'm sure you know this, it's undeniable that the brain of the abstaining porn-addict influences his thoughts, and, if not careful, his choices. It screams for its fix, and it needs time to heal. If anything is toying with your thoughts, it's the addicted brain, I, personally, don't feel that the addict (or anyone) is fully responsible for his or her thoughts. And yeah, the key to change for me, I think, is not paying too much attention to what I'm thinking, just letting the voice in my head speak. For many things the voice says are "untrue" and debilitating.
    Anyway, for me, saying "the urges got the better of me" to myself after I had a relapse was a way of moving on, a way of not giving up. Being compassionate to myself, instead of telling myself that I am weak and worthless, etc.
     
  9. IR254

    IR254 Fapstronaut

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    You couldn't. But the point is: It doesn't matter. If we believe, that our actions are predetermined, then why would we even put any effort in changing? It wouldn't matter after all. This can lead to nihilistic world views or victimhood very quickly.

    It's not "the brain". It's a part of our psyche, that sees something in porn. We have to understand, what that "something" is and deconstruct the argument. That part of ourself has to understand, that its desires are based on illusions.

    I think your missing out on a great opportunity this way. If you just let the voice speak without listening, you'll have a hard time understanding what it wants. I would suggest, to listen carefully to what this part of you is telling you. Write it down. This way, it becomes easier to see your believes more clearly. Once you know what you think porn offers you, you can change that believe. It's so easy to say things like "I know porn is bad!", but most people never believe it 100% without even realizing it.
     
  10. corylife

    corylife Fapstronaut
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    Its been a full day since I relapsed, I felt less social with friends today for sure.
     
  11. daymare

    daymare Fapstronaut

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    From a deterministic viewpoint, we would put effort in it because we were predermined to put effort in it. Saying that such a viewpoint can lead to a nihilistic world view or victimhood is changing the argument by assuming you develop a different viewpoint. But it doesn't matter.

    Psyche has a very broad definition. E.G. the mind, your deepest feelings, your beliefs, your inner self. I like to use the word "brain", so it's clear what I am referring to. It seems like you want to contradict me just by using a different word. Boy watches porn, boy gets hooked, boy's brain changes, boy's belief system changes = addicted brain/changed psyche tells boy that porn is the most important thing in his life.

    You seem to assume a lot about me, without knowing where I come from. Be careful not to preach to much, it feels like you just want to be right, no matter what I say. I'm 31, having listened A LOT to my thoughts, making them very important. I know what the voice is telling me. I've written down what I think a lot, in the past 10 years. I've had a lot of therapy, e.g. cognitive behavioural treatment, mentalization based treatment, etc. The mind (the voice) can be a great instrument, a great tool. But it can also be a great enemy, if you believe that everything it tells you is important, or true. For instance, when the voice tells me I am worthless, or that I should watch porn - I try not to pay much attention to it. I just let it speak, so it loses its power over me.

    Anyways, I want to stop arguing now - because I feel that it doesn't lead anywhere. I want to thank you for your time, and I assume that you want the best for me. I want to best for you too, and I hope you are well on your way to happiness and fulfillment. Take care!
     
  12. daymare

    daymare Fapstronaut

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    Well done! Keep going, it will get better.
     
  13. IR254

    IR254 Fapstronaut

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    I didn't assume anything about you. And honestly, I don't know what I did to give the impression like I would assume things about you.

    This is not about being right or being wrong. It's much more important.

    But if I take a look at your thread you posted yesterday, I see that you're struggling. This struggle is not necessary. I know, because I lived it. I struggled for three years straight. Not long ago, I realized I was on the wrong path. I still have a lot to learn & a lot to think about, but I know for sure that recovery doesn't have to be a battle. With the right approach, everything becomes easy.

    Not by any means. If you want to call it brain, it doesn't matter. The point is still the same.

    So, if I understand you correctly, you say, that "the voice" is not a part of you. And I think there lies a problem. It is a part of yourself. I'm not saying, that you have to believe what it tells you, nor do I want to say that the part is right. But as long as not every part of you is in harmony, there will be struggle. So the objective must be to bring all parts of you in sync. Easier said, than done. That's for sure.

    I didn't feel like we had an argument. I'm sorry, if you perceived it that way. That was never my intention.
     
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  14. daymare

    daymare Fapstronaut

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    Don't worry about, perhaps you're right. And yeah, I am struggling - the thing is, saying it's not necessary doesn't fix it, you know? You say you've been struggling for 3 years - perhaps most people have to struggle before they reach a point where they don't have to struggle anymore. I'm sorry for being a bit edgy towards you.

    About the "voice", it's part of me, for sure - I didn't mean that it comes from elsewhere. It's just that I feel that arguing with "the voice", or let's just call them thoughts - makes them important. It's hard to explain, but I feel that just looking at the thoughts, from within a deeper self, is the key to healing. I feel that they lose their power over me, slowly.
     
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