Count it as a relapse? Came while tangentially looking at porn, without fapping? First time ever?

I'm not sure what I should do here. Slightly long story. If you read to the end, I really appreciate you.


So the first time nofap was even on my radar, it was because of a inability to cum during sex, as well as a bit of mild sudden erectile dysfunction that started while on an antidepressant. In total, I have orgasmed without fapping a total of 5 times.


I've been off of any psychoactive medication for about a year before that relationship started, and even that relationship ended about a year ago. During the relationship I had a 1 month streak, and I did in fact cum from sex after that, so that was kind of neat.


Since December, I've been on a self improvement streak, losing weight, building muscle, so I have been trying to work it in again. I made it to a 47 day streak, and it was actually pretty great. My erections were better, more frequent, and when I did relapse, I was able to cum and maintain erections better standing up which is something I was having issues with before, as well as cum multiple times in succession, which I have never been able to do.


That relapse ended for really legitimate reasons, honestly. I fell for a woman who was really interested in having sex, but when we got close it became pretty clear that she just wasn't ready yet due to her own life circumstances. I helped her through some pretty hard stuff, and I had no desire to be an asshole. Honestly she seems worth it, so I am completely okay with waiting for her when she is ready. However, after about a month of being sexually wound up, I could have ripped a phone book in half, so it happened.


Since then, I struggled to get back on a solid streak. I started having some success about 34 days ago. When I started this streak, I allowed some edging with porn. I didn't cum, and it led to some abdominal pain. I set a second counter as of 17 days ago that would be completely fap free.


I have been very concerned about ED as, at some point, I would be meeting up with this woman I'm very fond of when she's ready, and probably have sex soon thereafter. I haven't been really super seeking out pornography, but if it shows up on Reddit or something, I do try for and encourage an erection without fapping. I've obviously been flatlining, and should have just stopped this behaviour. I recognize that, but it is my own neuroticism.

Today, I scrolled through Reddit a bit, saw the nsfw material,

Spoiler: Possibly triggering text !

had an erection, maintained it for about 15 minutes, didn't fap other than peeling back the foreskin, and I unintentionally came. I was incredibly confused. Something like that had never happened in my life, cumming without some sort of significant stimulation. My ex once tried to make me cum for an hour and a half with her hands and mouth and she couldn't until I finished it off. Even the handful of times I did cum from sex, I was heavily in control.

In a way, this is a success on one front? This is a clear increase in sensitivity. Either that or all the core exercises are doing something unintentional haha. However do I reset the counter? It didn't even feel like an orgasm mentally, if that makes sense. There was so little intent, I was just confused. I'll admit, I was semi actively cruising for porn on Reddit to test the boner, but I wasn't really knee deep in p-sites for hours. It was just stuff on r/all. I definitely haven't had the no reason boner benefits I had on my best streak yet, but I'm guessing that's because of the edging at the start of the first portion of this streak. Do you guys think I should reset my counter?

Thank you for sticking around, and I appreciate any suggestions or advice.

 

Bump

 

Sigh. I think I'm just going to start a third overall counter that's strictly about avoiding seeking out any pornography.

Flatline is a dick. Pun intended.

My current 2 were called "Self inflicted orgasm" and the second one was called "fapping." So if I make a third called "not seeking porn," and continue, I'm technically not cheating myself internally as far as the counters go. The orgasm wasn't really inflicted by my hand, nor was there fapping. I know it's shaky, but I'm not even feeling chaser effects here. It's so weird. I feel like I'm partly full of shit but I was doing stomach vaccuums and I feel like that's part of the reason hahaha.

It's the motivation and the mentality. I'm really trying here, it's such an uphill battle with everything else.

Does this sound fair to you guys?

 

I'm off to the gym. ImI keeping the counters along with the new one. Heres hoping that's justified. Sigh.