Addiction To Porn Has Made Me Do Strange Things (Trigger warning)

Welcome to the community and thank you for sharing your story.

 

Support can be a great help, along with getting things off your chest as you did.

 

Your story is deep. But I got to be honest with you. I think you are gay. Please don't take this the wrong way.

Many people here get hooked on sissy hypno and acting out gay stuff. I've watched them a few times myself although I always found the dicks to be a turnoff. Anyways I usually just say "stop watching porn and see if you are still gay". Your story is very different however.

You see usually when people go down the sissy/gay porn rabbit hole they start off by watching straight or lesbian porn, the go to either femdom or transgendered person porn, then start watching the sissy hypno stuff. But your first sexual experience was willingly with another man. And you pretended to be the woman. That experience could have turned you gay.

Many people say some people are born gay while others say it's experience that makes you gay. I'm not going to get into that. But while reading this it felt like reading a gay man trying to sleep with women but never feeling right.

Now don't get me wrong. You should for sure stop watching sissy hypno and other porn as it is bad for the brain. Same with masturbation. Also the sissy hypno is probably what is convincing you to send girly pictures of yourself to other random men. You should really stop doing this if you have any respect for yourself.

Anyways good luck on your NoFap journey! And who knows. Maybe after 90 days of NoFap you'll be ready to be with a real woman.

God bless you.

 

Obviously you first need to set a goal and then you need to figure out the right way to get their nofap is an amazing thing but it's less physical and more mental as I have heard about your whole problem I understood that it's kind of physical and kind of mental too. I would say mostly mental.
I would Ask you to do certain things if possible

You should do some weight lifting exercise in certain amount of Cardio exercise and take cold showers.
You should keep an open tab in your browser for this nofap website so that whenever you come online you always remind yourself that you are here for a purpose and you should not search anything other than what you are meant to.
You should stop your urges to get into your mind because if they get into your mind there is a big change that you are gonna search about porn and if you search about porn there is a big change that you will end up masturbating

 

Dear friend,
*trigger warning*

I encourage you. You are in the right place at the best time. I don’t know how many people can relate to your experiences, most of the folks are pmo and a thinner slice have SA issues as well.

After reading your experiences I’d say quite comfortably These don’t appear gay. Obsessed with penises is hard to ignore when you fixate in P and I think in your case you have acted out the role of the female or bottom so much that it’s affected you.

Here’s me, 10 years old , a week at grandmas. Sleeping with my cousins was usually the best part of the visit. We would stay up and talk about the raunchiest stuff we could imagine to do with girls. None of us had ever seen porn so the most romantic thing we would imagine literally was (I laugh now recalling it) we wanted to get in a jacuzzi and tickle each other. Another was to pee together. Anyways, one night we are sleeping on the floor and we accidentally touch butts. I don’t remember who started it but eventually the pajama pants come down and it’s a butt-rub session. Then a hand reach around, etc. I ended up being the male with my make cousin in these scenarios and performed intercourse because I was erect but I was yet not even entering puberty. I did not orgasm. This behavior Continued for about a week until my cousin wanted to kiss me in the mouth. I pushed him back. Then he wanted to penetrate me and again I stopped him. I know that was my guilt and desire fighting. I had flashbacks to these times when I would have sleep over es with my friends in middle school where the leg hair begins to come out and the sensation is very delicate to the touch. I did not follow through either there. I had questions about my drive. I know my cousin to this day has not married whereas I have. I know we never speak of it. I have never asked his forgiveness nor he offered it.

I have determined this activity was exploratory not sexual. I know this is not politically correct , but I have discovered straight men do have encounters with men because of getting bored with the monotony of sex. It does not mean nor convert them magically into Gays. They are acting upon a base drive.

I speak as the brother of a gay man +50plus.

The second point is that my early experiences DID affect my fantasies. I have a longing for anal as a result (I believe) of this. Additionally , my ignorance towards female anatomy was present well into teenage years and i had curiosity for trans as a result as well.

Lastly, you describe an inability to have an erection while with a woman, the likelyhood is that you have trained your mind to prepare for anal more than you have trained your mind to prepare to penetrate. You simply need to reinforce the pathways in your mind towards what you desire. In the end, we get what we want. If we want to be free we get it; if we want to be enslaved , we get that.

I read about a man who would look at porn out in the barn. He would drop his pants and hold the magazine in one hand, to M with the other. Well, after years of doing pmo like this he realized he could not O if he did not have his boots on. Imagine. And it had nothing to do with sexual preference since boots are not sexual.

For some people on this forum the manifestation of their attachment fixates on animals or furry things. Again, is only possible with focusing your brains ability to connect with what you are having a sexual intercourse with.

You were made for much more my friend. We can be free from what has for too long restrained us.

 

I had similar problem with sissy porn. I really badly wanted to pretend to be woman and allow man to penetrate me but male bodies were not arousing, just penis. I also wasn't hard when I was anally masturbating in sissy mode. And all was straight and cis all my life.

It is all gone by now. Sissy hypno messed up lots od people here. It is designed to make straight men feel aroused about being feminine and sexually submissive to other men.

Being able to have prostate orgasm doesn't make you gay also. I think you are naturally straight, but your sexuality has been distorted by sissy porn. It can be overcomed. Stay strong.

 

I almost appointed a meeting with a man that would be my firist sexual experience. Under sissification, you are not yourself. Now this very idea is disgusting to me.

 

The deeper you fall the higher you go. Just hang on 3 to 4 months no-pmo. You will have success and peace. Your story inspires me to be determined and quit porn. Thank you.

 

Now I remember a story of a guy who have his first sexual experience with his friend in similar situation, that is acting like in porn. He also took the role of woman, had problems with pied, cross dressing and gay encounters despite being heteroromantic.

I am ashamed of that but I sexted with guys and was posting photos in lingerie for dopamine hit. I can relate.

Stay away from this and you'll succeed.

 

Oh got you. Maybe I'm wrong, I can admit that. Either way you need to give up the porn addiction (which you already want to do). Luckily you are in the right place coming here.

You got this friend

 

I don't know you but I find my self very proud of you for coming forward with this. It takes a lot of strength to see this addiction and come out and speak about it. Your story is similar to my own. I have said that time and time again on this forum but that is because this addiction leads people down similar paths.

You have to realize that addictions tend to weaken the body, but with porn addiction. It weakens the mind. Within your mind, exists who you are and when addiction take over, you tend to forget your self and doubt everything, which sends you further into addiction. Don't let anybody tell you what you are during this recovery either. They don't know you and will only increase your anxiety, because all we can do is reflect our own experiences onto you as help.

Not everyone offers what needs to be said, but we all try, just as I am now. I wont tell you that you're gay or straight. All I can say is given all this happened after the exposure to porn. Your best bet is to ween your self off of it. Cold turkey did NOT work for me since the addiction spanned over 15 years. I'm a bit younger than you by a few years, but I am very confident porn is the issue, just as sure as you are.

I pathetically say I still watch porn to this day, but all those fetishes fed to me by porn have gone, and I've gone back to porn that match my sexual orientation. I am still looking to quit porn, given the addictions yet to go away. Day by day you know.

 

Thank you for your honesty friend. I’d like to say— any day now your efforts will be roiled into success. Don’t stop aiming higher.

 

You already got lots of good advice. I also don't think you're gay, just sexually confused.

You will be nervous if you get to sleep with her. You will likely not get hard. Prepare for that. Open up about your problems to her a little bit and just focus on pleasuring her. Get real good at oral sex. Don't stop until she cums, it's a must.
Do this until you slowly start to feel comfortable. Either way you will gain experience and move upward.