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Scared

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by I'vebeenlost, May 5, 2019.

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  1. May 5, 2019 #1
    I'vebeenlost

    I'vebeenlost Fapstronaut

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    There are many reasons I've relapsed. Its frustrating when it happens after a good streak. If I've gone at least several days its not even triggers that cause me to go down the rabbit hole. I'm starting to realize now that there is a part of me that is scared to give up PMO. The urges and fantasies don't last, but during a streak I feel like there is something missing, that old friend PMO that has been with me for the last 12 years. I'm realizing just how much PMO is a part of me, and how empty I feel without it. Its not urges or triggers that bring me back... its this feeling that I'm missing something... that I should be doing something. I've been told that you can't just take PMO away, you have to replace it. As I'm writing this I'm beginning to think that this is what they were talking about. This fear and emptiness left behind by years of PMO needs to be filled with something.

    Have any of you experienced this feeling? I've heard many different ways of filling this emptiness, but what has worked for you?
     
    I'vebeenlost, May 5, 2019
    I'vebeenlost, May 5, 2019
    #1
    Majik likes this.
  2. May 6, 2019 #2
    Majik

    Majik Fapstronaut

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    I recently made a bet with a friend to see who could last the longest. As we finalised it my body physically reacted in a negative way, which was scary! So I think I understand what you mean.

    I don't have a great deal of experience of longer streaks, but maybe the first past of this process is just dealing with the 'shock' and the withdrawal and then once that initial period is done it then is about 'filling the emptiness' as you put it. The rebuild of you as a better person. I am only at the very beginning of the realisation of that stage I think. I also have a lifetime of procrastination and using PMO as an excuse to not do anything to battle.
     
    Majik, May 6, 2019
    Majik, May 6, 2019
    #2
    I'vebeenlost likes this.
  3. May 6, 2019 #3
    andi1987

    andi1987 Fapstronaut

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    Definitly know this feeling. For me also the urges aren't the big problem, but more the thought "Man what am I going to do without P?". Same for me that P was/is such a big part in my life for such a long time, that it is just such a routine. I deleted all the P on my pc like 11 days ago and that really scares the shit out of me. To know that all the P I downloaded over the years is gone. Felt a bit like deleting a part or sense of my life.
     
    andi1987, May 6, 2019
    andi1987, May 6, 2019
    #3
    I'vebeenlost likes this.
  4. May 6, 2019 #4
    believing is half of healing

    believing is half of healing Fapstronaut

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    there is only one reason that you relapse. Not the triggers, not your urges. IT IS YOU! YOU DON'T WANT TO DO NOFAP SO YOU DO PMO INSTEAD! You are not dedicated enough so you end up failing. NOTHING IS STOPPING OR MAKING YOU TO DO PMO, OTHER THAN YOURSELF. Nobody is pointing a gun at you to either fap or die. NO DUDE! It is an obsession and you choose porn. The door to heaven is always opened, but just that you don't want to leave hell. If this the case then I can't help.

    Good luck on your reboot journey
     
    believing is half of healing, May 6, 2019
    believing is half of healing, May 6, 2019
    #4
  5. May 6, 2019 #5
    I'vebeenlost

    I'vebeenlost Fapstronaut

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    Thanks man. Blunt, but true. This is a case where my biggest enemy is me. I have gotten so comfortable with death that I have forgotten how good life is.
     
    I'vebeenlost, May 6, 2019
    I'vebeenlost, May 6, 2019
    #5
    Majik likes this.

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