Can someone please explain how to empathize?

Empathy is showing that you understand what another person is going through, or that you can put yourself in another's shoes. You don't necessarily have to feel the same way, but you should be able to show you understand.

When your wife talks to you about her feelings, you must listen for the sake of understanding, instead of listening in order to prepare a response. You must understand first what she is going through by listening. Just being able to focus on her emotions first rather than the words she says can help a lot for you to properly display empathy.

I remember my past conversations with my wife when I was still engrossed with my addiction. She'd cry and cry and whenever she talks, I was focusing on the words she was saying, trying to listen so that I can prepare a response, and I would usually get a reaction that told me I wasn't listening. I realized that I also lacked empathy, and I learned to listen to understand, rather than to respond.

The last time we had a similar conversation, she was upset about her weight gain, and I realized that she was feeling frustrated, I would have told her that I thought she probably needed more exercise if I only listened to the words she was saying. But, what I also realized, was that she was actually seeking my approval, so I told her how I felt about her weight gain and told her that I still thought she was the most beautiful creature I ever laid eyes on even if she gained a little weight. That actually made her feel better and helped me reinforce that she was still the most beautiful woman in the world for me.

For me, that's empathy. And that's how I show it.

 

Empathy is a component of love, I think. Love is putting the other person ahead of yourself. It is also not needing to be vindicated or even understood and still putting the other before you. Empathy and compassion ("suffering with") are closely linked and both are core components of love. I believe this sort of love is not possible for human beings to perform without divine assistance.

So, I guess my answer to the OP's question would be: Only with God's help.

 

Don't dismiss the thoughts and emotions that she's going through. It's not something that needs to be silenced or fixed with logic while she's expressing herself.

For example... If you have been going through a really rough time (death in the family / financial concerns / unemployment / mid life crisis / breakup / etc) and you said to a friend "I had a really bad panic attack yesterday" so that you can vulnerably begin to express your problems to someone, then your friend responds by saying "really? you should meditate and exercise more to calm yourself"... you would feel a bit misunderstood, neglected, and not want to open up more about your problems as if what you're going through doesn't matter to that person.