The side effects of Family

I can relate to you in a lot of ways. I grew up in a very broken and dysfunctional family. They always made me feel like I was nothing, especially my dad (who is a deadbeat, and the few times he was around, verbally and physically abusive), and my sister. That was on top of the bullying in school that nearly drove me to suicide when I was 16 years old. I always felt alone, and that was a very large chunk of what contributed to my bad habits.

My entire NoFap journey was pretty much on my own. Anytime I told anyone in my family about my psychological and mental health issues, they just brushed it off as nothing , or made it seem like I was being a nuisance to them that they wanted to get rid of.

So I know how you feel. This is what makes the NoFap journey harder, when family themselves are like a deadweight that wants to drag you down.

 

The same thing for me. I have only told my close friends and my girlfriend about it. Sharing my troubles with my family would be like talking to a brick wall. They will get all judgemental with a holier-than-thou attitude.

 

In a lot of ways, it does. I have gone through a lot of ups and downs through my current NoFap streak, and after the first couple of months, it got a lot easier, then I had a 2 month flatline last October and November. December was another story all together, where I was sick with a bad flu the whole month. After recovering from the flu, it slowly and steadily started getting easier again.

 

There are certainly some toxic elements in our family and I can kind of understand how you feel because I was raised in a similar manner. All families are gonna be a little toxic case they're comprised of imperfect people and learning to deal with that is part of a growth and maturity process.

Being deeply invested in your life, having high expectations and raising you with good values religious or otherwise is what a parent is supposed to do. You have the freedom to make your own choices now. My parents went about things the wrong way alot of times and my dad was abusive (His father was an abusive drunk that beat them and beat his mom. No excuse but I understand why) but they are imperfect people who really tried to do their best.

I remember getting in trouble for bad grades and trying to lie about why. After the lecture my father said, " we expect better because we pay for everything you need and buy you most of what you want. You don't have to work and your are privileged and all we expect is for you to go to school, do your best and stay out of serious trouble." I really cant argue with that.

My parents were strict and they did their best to know where I was at all times although I still managed to have the wrong kind of fun and get into plenty of trouble. They often went overboard but when I compare my upbrining to the way some of my friends were raised, I knew I was lucky. Many had parents who really didn't discipline them and really didint care. When I had to come home by 11:00 pm many of my friends had the freedom to stay out all night and make bad decisions that altered the course of their lives.

I always believed in God but I saw right through that fake church enviromemnt since early child hood. Out of all the churches I attended, I met very few people who had a real connection with God. My parents are caught up in that culture but as an adult I choose not to attend. It wasnt all bad but its not for me. I dont resent my parents for it as it was the best way they knew to try to instill good values in me.

After writing this much I went back and reread you post and I to me you sound very blessed and very priviliged.

 

I don't know you so I'm not trying to argue with you about your life or tell you you're wrong but that still seems like good/well intentioned parenting to me. Our upbrinings were similar but my parents gave me some freedom around 11 and 12th grade but I was also very sheltered. I agree that this did stunt my personal growth in some ways but these days our society is so immoral and rachet, I still believe this is way better than the alternative.

I used to make fun of Jews and Muslims and all these funny little ethnicites that are super strict and dont fuck before marriage and don't do this and that because to me it was backwards. After partying in college doing drugs, almost ending up with a child out of wedlock and wasting time on all types of debauchery, now I feel like an idiot for criticizing those people. Our society makes all that worthess stuff look like freedom but know I know its not because I've seen the catosrophic effect it has on people lives. A more middle of the road approach to parenting would have been better in both of our cases but I still think your being too hard on them.

 

You really have to stop worrying about what your parents think. (I know it's much harder than it sounds)
Be yourself, don't be who your parents want you to be. You will notice a funny thing, if parents are strict, it means they care about their children, and they will adapt to loving you no matter what.
Show your parents that you are a responsible adult and don't have to deal with their bull crap.
Don't purposely argue with your parents, that will be like struggling to escape the grasp of a cobra.

My sister has a fiance who is 21 years old yet he still texts his mother whenever he goes anywhere. For example "I'm heading to the mall, I will be back in 4 hours."
We like to give him a hard time for it, but the texts help his protective mother not worry about him and they help him not worry about getting a million calls from his mother.

Anyways, take my opinions with a grain of salt, I don't know your whole situation.

 

stop blaming your shit on them and take responsibility for yourself

 

Wow, LOL. I guess I can see why you feel that way. Looking at sharia law and honor killings and all that crazy stuff, sometimes those guys go way overboard especially in regards to their daughters although their are Muslim families that dont take it to that extreme. I hope your parents didn't go to those extremes. If thats the case then I guess I have to concede.

 

That is good to hear. I don't agree with not allowing kids to aquire life skills because it sets them up to fail and it can be used as a control mechanism.

I'm still envious of the discipline aspect when I see look at the US where you have teenagers, getting high, having sex and dealing with pregnancy and STDs. Technically Christians are supposed to behave like Jews and Muslims and when we were more conservative we did better in life and our families were stronger.