After my first week without PMO

Hello everyone I decided to post what we can feel when we stop even after one week. I know that it's nothing in comparison with some people, but for me it's a change in my life.

I never spent all my day watching porn but I always found it sweet and thought that those woman were soo kind to tell you how stupid i was.

Today it has been a week that i stopped. Things are not still pink for me but I want to struggle. During all week i was very anxious but i feel it's decreasing now. I think that it's a real war that you wage against your own desires. It's nothing less.

I feel less like shit than even one week ago but my urges are harder and harder. I don't want to feel like shit anymore. I am sick of being social phobic and ashamed of who I am and feeling ugly.

Even if it's hard i refuse to give up. I have difficulties to sleep at night but I bought myself a kindle like this i can read when i can't sleep with no tentation to go to any website.

I will write every week about my feelings. I hope I will not fall.

I just want to add to you, reader not to stop, whatever you feel. I didn't know that this selfpleasure would become a so big malediction.But we are not all of us bad people. We have the right of a life, imperfect but a life without feeling like shit.

Take care of yourself and go as far as you can of this shit.

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Hello my friends and thank you for reading my post. Whatsmore thank you for your comments. I am happy that Samilo you found my post. I thought nobody would see it. Thank you Corona, Wally, Ics2000 for your support. It warms my heart to read what you wrote me. Nobody is really alone in this forum in this big war we are waging.

Musta, to answer your question, i decided to be a real "monk". I decided not to have any contact with porn or masturbation or edging. I only touch my penis to pee that's it. I have been sooo disgusted of myself, so ashamed of me, the last time i did it, that i said never ever. For the moment it's pretty much hard but I don't care about what my body is claiming. I wake up very hard and with the big desire to release myself to be honest. Also I am so sensitive now that even a small dirty picture in my mind makes me feel horny. So it's a real war against me and my urges. But as imperfect as I am, I refuse to bend now. I have felt and have lived in shame for all these years and I am completely fed up of this awful life. I graduated in a good business school but because i was so ashamed of me and so miserable, I never studied well ; i was under treatments for social anxiety, depression but it never cured the real problem. I failed my internships, the jobs I had and today i am in the lowest place that we can have in an administration. And even there i am criticized a lot because I provide bad work. My life is a real nightmare because of the consequence of porn and masturbation. I don't want to resign and please, don't resign even if you have one thousand voices telling you to watch a little video. I am recovering after one year of big depression in which I didn't work (because of my failure in previous job). So really I refuse completely to go back in my previous state. I don't want any one of you to live the hell I lived and what I have to endure because of this shit.

Today I am at my 10th day. I am happy about something: I went to have a tea with a language partner and it was amazing not to feel ashamed. It's the first time in years I didn't feel not ashamed of me. I will not say I felt perfect but though, I could talk and laugh with out thinking "i am ugly, I am a real shame for the humanity...".

I think this new path is perfect for us. We can't abandon and neglect our soul (I mean our own person). For 5 seconds of intense pleasure, we are destroying our bodies but also our own lives, our own future, our hopes. What makes us human and imperfect, we see it as a monstruosity. I have been said a lot by some women that I am ugly. And you can imagine, because a lot of you are like me, what can be the impact for a depressive guy that a woman rejects you because of your face.

I will never be able to change my face but at least I don't want to be ashamed of this genetical inheritage.

Nofap is my cure and I hope that the one that are in edge of going back to porn will not fall. We are not bad people. I am sure that I would have great conversations with a lot among you. We are not stupid. We are just in a cage, loving to be in this cage, afraid of freedom. Let's accept our destiny. Our destiny is too fly and even if our master "feeds" us in this cage, let's fly to see the real world. Let's stop being frightenend and let's support each other to really change.

All of you take care of yourself.

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