My guilt is killing me :( Help.

I think everything will get better for you in time but your brain needs time to reset. You will learn to love yourself again. Remember, this is a journey, you just have to give it time.

 

@Luvspin68 This is an example of how escalation happens. ^^^
@krdt The fog has been lifted. Now that you know better you can do better. Focus on being the best you that you can be every day. Start going to SA or SAA meetings and you will see that you are not the only person who has escalated like this. Going and connecting with others who have walked the SA path will help remove your shame.

 

You were oblivious to the damage because you were chasing dopamine.

 

Don’t stress yourself over it. It’s a fall. We have weaknesses based on exposure. It just happens. Just keep going. But I think self assessment, getting to the root of any behaviors you feel you can improve and making changes helps in my experience. Just stay strong bro. You’re no less of a man or human. Keep fighting.

 

I haven’t gone to the extent of meeting any one but I can relate to this to a T.
Problem now is my heads messed up... I am in a real rut, I’ve been dating girls but just don’t feel anything anymore and not sure it I’ve binged so much on this porn I’m damaged for ever

I have no libido, no sex drive... yet the thought of TS and I come alive downstairs... this isn’t what I want though

Can going nofap rewire my brain? Or is this it now?

 

You’ll snap back. It takes time

 

You can't change what it done but you can learn from it and change your present and your future, don't dwelling on anger and negative emotions that will do you no good, find something you truly want and takes measure steps towards achieving it.
Focus on yourself.

 

You can do it. I know many of us here due to same thing. Its because of brain see so much porn that it loses intrest in normal porn that is why you watch TS and stuff. The recovery is basic. You need to first understand the behaviour. What triggers you, what kind of emotion make you watch porn and commit to nofap. I recently lost ky streak so i know what it feels like after relapse.
But i tell you this amd never forget these, keep yourself away from graphic content even those girls in bikinis or short dresses showing curves.
Read rebooting every night and whenever you have the urge.
These are two important things. Good luck boy.

 

The longer you stay away from P, the more you improve. stay strong.

 

Oh man, I understand you all too well.

I have been in this vicious cycle for years. Ive made up to 60 days and completely the relapsed.

porn, then escorts, then rub and tugs then quit then restart.

Stay strong man!

I just started back today! Im here for you man

 

Your wise-ness resembles your profile pic, keep it on, wise ass!

 

STOP

First of all, no woman needs to know your private past unless you reveal it to her, and i wouldn't recommend you to reveal anything of that sort to any woman anyway and, hmm, never.
Second thing is, don't overestimate her, everyone has skeletons in their closet and you can be sure she will never reveal all cards to you as well.
More than this, the "undeserving" part, its just not the right way to look at it, you deserve what you give in a relationship, no woman is volunteering to be with a man who is "deserving" for his good deeds in the past, its give and take like everything else.
You need to remember that in a relationship you put your effort, time, money, passions and intentions on her..(while denying yourself from all the beutiful and sexy women out there).
so don't underestimate yourself at all, and dont show her you underestimate yourself, or you'll end up with a leech who only knows how to take.

now about the core issue itself of pmo addiction and ts porn:
i slept with 2 ts escorts in the past, watched alot of ts porn, and like you my base was straight porn and atraction to women.
i can tell you that the nofap rehab clearly helps me to come back to more focus on women, and less & less focus on transwomen.. i even began apreciating new angles on a woman that i wouldnt focus on too much on the past.. sexuality is a fluid thing and a reflection of your state of mind.. nofap helps.

 

Did anyone suffer PIED? And did nofap and not watching this stuff address the issue?
I’ve relapsed today, put blockers on my laptop now.
Day 1 tomorrow for me

 

You're angry for having let yourself down. Now you've chosen to start the road back towards your true self. Turn that anger into some well-deserved pride!

 

My friend your not alone I have literally gone through the exact same thing i went through escalations and ended up with CD and TS...this was not me it's been months since I have been with one I'm on day 23 now and ik feeling so free I'm will not be going back to PMO. So same with you ok now facing my REAL life with my girl all I want to do is make our life the best problem is right now I'm abit stuck on what to do next...but I rather be stuck then to be running away from my problems and going back to PMO and the doubble life. Free yourself and free your mind and forgive your self .

 

I believe you my friend I know you wont.
And the only reason why you have no libido , your what we call flatlining . It's a very normal part of the reboot.
Dont get scared your brain is just use to your porn use for dopamine...let time pass focused on yourself