Get educated, get tools, and learn to love withdrawals

Well , 30 minutes ago i had ideas of relapsing , though it's just my 2nd day not PMOing , but reading this article made them disappear, for now at least
Thanks alot !

 

Thanks for the advice. For awhile, I didn't think I was addicted since I did(do) it relatively infrequently ( every other day). I'm really scared about the withdrawal symptoms ill experience for the first 90 days. Can you go into more detail about them?
Thanks

 

Hi. Saw your post. Thanks for posting.

Don't be afraid of withdrawals. They totally suck, they are among the worst things you will ever experience--I know--"Don't be afraid?"--but they do not last forever. Unfortunately, if you have wired your brain's sexual reward center to porn, and many of us have, you will have to reboot and rewire to normal. Normal is anything but porn, normal is actual reality, real breathing, complicated, sometimes difficult, women, at least for many of us. Between where you are now and where you want to be, you will have to deprive your dopamine soaked brain of...dopamine. It is a great high, dopamine, but porn allows us to give ourselves that high artificially, every day, multiple times a day, forever. It is a great high until...it isn't, until it becomes a problem. Until we quit wanting to go to it, and start wanting not to, but can't. It is a great high until we feel we HAVE to have it, rather than are selecting to have it, until we feel we are choosing it, versus we are serving it. It is a great high until it is our master. Until we are slaves. But I am running on. Don't be afraid of withdrawals. They are simply a physical reaction, painful yes, to the withdrawal of the dopamine high we give ourselves though artificial sexual stimulation. Nothing more. They hurt, but they only last, give or take, 90 days. That is why they call it the hard 90; if it was the easy 90, no one would do it. OK, maybe someone would do it, but porn addicts, not so much.

Study the problem. Watch the Gary Wilson vid. Get help, I suggest K9. Understand it is going to hurt. Accept that, plan on it, expect it, want it. Take it. You are 90 days from clean. Just know, you CAN overcome this. I and many other have. There are many people here who have overcome it. It seems big now, but, if you can do the hard 90, I promise you, it will seem much, much, smaller. I wish you only good things, and I wish you the best of luck. Get clean now, for a life time of good things.

Peace.

Billy the Kid.

 

one of the best inspiring things man thanks a lot

 

Hi William,
thanks for your PM, as you suggested, I'll answer it here.
First, about my addiction - it's an old problem, it is now in what I'll call 'lingering phase' : I came upon YBOP some time ago, installed K9 but the addiction came back some time ago, and that's when I found NoFap. I also met a girl a few weeks ago, so I'm currently taking cold showers every morning and avoiding porn and prostitutes 100% - we have sex, and I will try to refrain from O's, have to read about that. NoFap is like the last piece of the puzzle for me - at least I know what to do, how to do it, big thanks to the founders/inventors, big hugs to all of you guys out there - this addiction is a disease, but there's no shame, we can, and we will win
thanks and all the best

 

Thanks for all the kind posts.

You ask whether fantasy is a relapse. I ask, are you a guy who can relapse? Relapse implies you are here to change your life, as opposed to...not. As opposed to keeping it the way it is, keeping it comfortable, staying in your comfort zone, keeping porn as a crutch to lean on.

I hate to answer your question with a question, but here goes: What is your goal? What are you attempting to accomplish? What vision of yourself do you have, and what vision of yourself do you want to be? What is the before and after image you have of yourself? Are you here to change, or...not?

I think you need to ask yourself these questions to define your purpose here. There are two types of guys here, and both are great guys. On the one hand there are the guys who love their porn and are dedicated to keeping in in their lives. When I say "love their porn" what I really mean is love the dopamine high/ride porn gives them. You must first and foremost understand you don't really love porn, not really. It looks like it, it feels like it, but it is not really that: porn is just a button we push to get a dopamine high, and we love dopamine highs. This is me starting to answer your question. See, porn is not just porn, meaning we don't just get a dopamine high from porn, we can get it from thoughts alone, as in hypersexual thoughts, as in thinking of porn, remembering it, porn substitutes, and...fantasy. It is not that fantasy is porn, but it is another, alternative button we push to get a dopamine high. This must be understood.

So, back to the two types of guys there are here. Which one are you? There are the guys who are committed to keep using dopamine through artificial sexual stimulation/thoughts. Nice guys, but they will fail here ultimately because ultimately the only solution to porn addiction is to quit porn. That is difficult, but once you have gotten free, it becomes quite easy. I think I am 568 days clean today. I will not struggle with relapse today or ever again. Does that mean I never have sexual thoughts? No, of course not, but I control them now, they do not control me, and I recognize them as a healthy side effect or benefit of being alive, and I recognize their effect on my brain; they create a dopamine rush. I just do not use that rush to get high anymore. I recognize what is happening, and avoid abusing that brain reaction. That brings me to the other type of guy here. Those guys, like me, dedicated themselves to quit dopamine addiction. We have quit pushing that button.

So, to your question. I would not call it a relapse. I would call it a learning opportunity. We, as living, breathing, healthy humans, will always like sex and sexual thoughts. We are wired to that. It is who we are. We are not wired, however, to High Speed Internet Porn; that screws up our brain's sexual reward center. It is the promise of something impossible, endless, novel, new, sexual experiences. In the real world, it just does not happen that way. I think, with the fantasy, understand, you were giving yourself a gratuitous dopamine high. That can be fun for a non addict but for a guy recovering, it is a problem. I suggest the "hard 90", 90 days no porn, no fantasy, no porn substitutes, no PMO, no MO, no O. Once you get 90 days out, ask the question again. At that point I think the question will answer itself.

Peace.

Will I AM.

 

I love this post! Thank you for reminding me about the correct way to fight this addiction. I'll be reading this post many more times to keep me on goal and help me build the foundation to a proper reboot. I have been trying to make the many changes in my life that I need in order to live a more fulfilling life, but the changes come slowly and the urges to fap sometimes come strong and hard.

Today you helped me fight on one more day with the renewed power I need to win this battle. Thank you.

The specific post I'm referencing is found on page 26, about half way down the page. "This article was written by TheUnderdog an administrator on yourbrainrebalanced.com (link of original post : http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/i...?topic=15558.0)"

So far I have not learned how to use the hyperlink feature in this format. Something else to put on my to-do list. LOL.

 

Some of my best attempts at quitting last about a month. I'm in the second day now with no PMO. I feel my physiology freezing up. I'm no expert either, but I'll do my best to describe the experience. My energy is spreading from the pleasure center in my pineal gland, and the root of energy at the base of my spine. I may sound like a yoga intructor, probably from practicing yoga frequently. This process of redistributing vital energy or prana, as yogis call it, over the larger landscape of my self, fools my mind into percieving a weight of lethargy like a wet blanket keeping me static. I could go on about how PMO turns me into a zombie like creature. I blindly, lifelessly pursue a fix of dopamine daily. I have a sense of focused energy that comes only from confining my vision to one destructive pursuit, Oing to P. When I resist, the focused energy starts to spread as my inner eye opens. It feels that my energy is so scattered within the first day, that I am lethargic. My limbs become dull and more heavy. Some demon tells me to let the weight go, that everything will be easier if I don't fight my desire for PMO. Its so much easier to focus all my life energy on one simple, base pursuit. Waking up to reality is a painful, slow, process. I've been through this many times and I have started to look forward to these symptoms, because they are easy to overcome. I get joy from feeling that life is becoming an upward spiral again. I am going the right way again, making better choices. When my body stops jerking me around with wild desire, the sweating, and restlessness is over, and my energy has spread and balanced, is when I usually relapse. Usually it happens at night. I'm alone in my room. My vital energy has filled me with strength. It feels like I am filled with drying cement, a strong, but expanding substance that will burst through my skull. I feel I can not move, or sleep, until I have an O. Sometimes I O from edging, then bing on P. I do not know what to do when this moment comes again; when I have accomplished 30 days, and my body feels so vital, full of energy. From reading some of this thread, I think it is caused by the late stage withdraw symptom of the brain. The brain wants dopamine so much, it will make the body feel it must have a fix. It convinces my body to ignore everything else, to stay still and fail. I will really need some help to prepare for that moment. Thank you all for your inspiration.

 

You're like my porn hero, William, LOL. Thanks alot for messaging me man, you literally saved me from procrastinating with this issue any longer. I relapsed an hour and twenty minutes ago, 7:35 AM. I know. Pathetic. But, I'm quitting now. Before, I didn't realize that thinking about porn essentially IS porn, 'nd that porn is above the belt, not below.
Thanks alot william for writing this, it seems even most fellow fapstronauts don't have the kind of understanding, so I thank you, you saved me from probably being in a perpetual state of relapse for a looong time.

Peace, be back in five days.

 

Thanks for welcoming me William. As i have mentioned before in another thread i have done this noPMO since last Jan 13 2015, but i relapse a few days ago when i watched some porn. I didnt M or got an O but im making a fresh start with no PMO starting from last Tuesday. The one difference i find about my withdrawals is that i dont have many of the symptoms mentioned, however the one symptoms i find very difficult to get rid of is the urges. These pictures will come into my mind and i couldnt concentrate at all and without thinking my hand would reach out to relive myself but then i would stop myself just in time. I know that this will increase as the day pass but i think i will be able to get past it with you and the forums help. I will try to post my progress as much as i can. Thanks a lot.

 

Thanks for the help. I took your advice and blocked porn websites and image searching on my computer, smart phone, ps3, and ps4. I wrote down the impossible-to-guess passwords on a slip of paper and dropped it behind my dresser. I'm going for the 90 day reboot.

 

Definitely agree with that statement. Especially the part about withdrawals. There were what got me down. I was feeling really exhausted and generally in bad mood since few days. Didn't realise that those were the withdrawals symptomps until after relapse that i educated myself. I understand now that my organism was trying to avoid the changes. But it is never nearly as good as our brains tells us it will be. Next time i'll be ready for it. There must be brighter days afterward. Pain is just the weakness living the body.

 

Thank you for good references. I am on second day on hard mode. Experiencing confusion because of all the emotions that have risen. One step at a time.

 

William this is such good stuff!!! Thanks for taking the time to write it and a huge thanks for telling us the truth..
I never heard it like this I know u are dead on with it...God bless u my friend. Leo

 

Thank you for the PM William. You're a life saver!
A few extra things that I seem to be learning out of this experience are
1- I never used to write a lot. Neither to myself, nor to others. Initially I used to tell myself that the whole concept is idiotic. But on deeper self introspection, it came out that as a way of not valuing my own opinion, I tend to not write things down, because writing things kind of solidifies them and you fear the solidification of your thoughts if you always fear they are inaccurate.
2- Like probably every other person in the world, I have a problem that I can't stick to resolutions. I always have a fear deep down that I can't follow a single decision I make, if the time frame is for the rest of my life. I hope this experience helps me alleviate that fear side-by-side.

God bless you man.

 

Hi A-Ron. I saw your post. "All or nothing." The thought is absolutely correct. When it comes to dopamine addiction, the "cure" is all or nothing. There is no middle ground, there is no gray area. I don't know if you have thought it out, but you have to plan on the hard 90. It is not called the "easy" 90, or the "somewhat difficult and annoying" 90, it is 90 days of pure hell. If you are not willing to suffer, don't even start. The hard 90 is 90 days of consciously avoiding your triggers, and 90 days of avoiding not just porn but porn substitutes, anything that your dopamine soaked brain will trigger on during the withdrawal period. You have wired yourself to porn, you have given yourself a porn high for years, many times a day. You like it, your brain likes it. We love the dopamine high that artificial sexual stimulation gives us. You have to make a decision, you have to make a choice. You have to quit coming here "hoping" that enough tries will result in you quitting porn, and you have to commit to "quitting". Period. Not cutting back, not controlling it, not being able to use it casually from time to time when you want, when you need an escape from realty. You have to do the hardest thing an addict can do, planning on never escaping from reality. Quitting porn, aka dopamine addiction, giving it up, excommunicating it, de-friending it, making it you enemy, hating it; this is what you have to do. You have to embrace the "impossible thought", that being that you can live totally porn free, that you want to live porn free, that you are willing and want to give up the dopamine high it gives us. You see, porn is a crutch a lot of us come to rely upon, to get us through the tough times. Over years of using we forget though that we are not cripples. We don't need that crutch. You are walking through life with a limp and a crutch, when you can drop the crutch and run. Porn has lied to you, porn has whispered in your ear that you are a gimp and you need it as a crutch. Don't believe a word it says. You need to get focused, you need to get tough, you need to quit playing with the addiction, and you need to kill it. Don't cure it, cures take time. Kill it. Porn addiction can be starved to death. It hurts a lot to do it, but it can be done. But if you feed it, even just a little, it can linger for years. You need to ask yourself, do you want to live now, or do you want to die slowly over the next decades, showing back up here to post your latest 10 day run and relapse. When it comes to the addiction there two types of guys, those using and those free. You need to figure out which side of the line you are on. I invite you to free. I have absolute confidence you can take off those chains. The question for every slave is, will you settle for happiness in slavery or will you break out of your prison. I say...go for it. Time to get free.

Peace.

Mr. Done.

 

Hi William, 21 days, hard mode. Thank you for your message on day 1. You helped me and apparently a lot of other guys to do better. "It is not called the "easy" 90, or the "somewhat difficult and annoying" 90, it is 90 days of pure hell." This is true. I'm going for the hard 90. "I always have a fear deep down that I can't follow a single decision I make, if the time frame is for the rest of my life. I hope this experience helps me alleviate that fear side-by-side." I think one great result of the 90 day challenge is it strengthens your will power, and you become better at sticking to your guns for other decisions. For example, I've been lifting weights every day. "Porn has lied to you, porn has whispered in your ear that you are a gimp and you need it as a crutch. Don't believe a word it says. You need to get focused, you need to get tough, you need to quit playing with the addiction, and you need to kill it." This really hit home for me. Most addictions are used to numb emotional pain. I used porn when I felt bored, lonely, insecure, or sad. I just try to remember, when I'm disappointed with reality and have a weak moment, that I'm only on day 21, I have to believe that the future can be better than the present. NoFap is just the beginning.

 

I sincerely hope I get over this. I have decided in my heart to rid myself of the menace of MO.

 

Now I know what to do! Thanks mate, now I'm 100 percent determined to stop doing it! I'll do all the preparations, sold my smartphone already, do more reading, and when I'm ready, I'll do the hard 90, a marathon

This is exactly what I needed as a newbie.

 

Thanks William. I appreciate all the information and encouragement to get free. You are a big help.