Why are some guys like me much more prone to binging?

How hard are you on yourself after a relapse?
Guilt and shame of relapsing cause people to binge wayyyy more than if they accept that they relapsed and get back on their horse.

 

My husband was a 3 minuter (for 25 years) until he found his favourite P website. That is when the 3 hour edgefests began. That is when he started PMOing in his truck and all the addictive signs and symptoms started. He also had serious work issues at that time and loads of stress.

 

I PMO'ed 5 to 15 minutes on average a session three times a day and ended up in a bad state with withdrawals. It doesnt matter if you gone hours or minutes with sessions. Binging how I did has left me without a libido and symptoms for years theres also a lot more to this than dopamine as well. Binging is what does the damage though.

 

What kind of symptoms did you have?

 

Ok so "bringing" is a very dangerous thing. Its basically your brain telling you it needs more and more of extream content to get a big HIT of dopamine. Some people fall to bing cuz they don't realize it's their brain controlling their need. Its important to understand when your addicted to anything your brain is usually the one in the driver seat that's why it's so hard to stop even though you know it's wrong your brain is in serious need for an extream dopamine hit. Do research on this addiction and the effects on the brain "knowledge is power " in this battle my friend stay strong and be kind to yourself .

 

I've definitely experienced the phenomenon of binging and edging for hours.

I think fundamentally it comes down to the fact that PMO is, in and of itself, insanely pleasurable. You can really just lose yourself in the experience. The reason it's so addicting is because it's a downright effective way to immediately change any uncomfortable emotion or condition (boredom, loneliness, depression, anger, apathy, etc) into euphoria within minutes.

But for me, I knew deep down that if I had an orgasm, it would more or less be over. I wanted that aroused feeling to last as long as possible, so that's what I did. I could stay hard for hours just edging and looking at various pics, videos, personal ads, hook-up sites, etc. And you're absolutely right--what that does to the brain's dopamine reward system is absolutely brutal.

I also fell victim to that BS rationalization that says "if I don't have an orgasm, it doesn't really count," as if it's the orgasm that was the real problem. So I'd hold off from O'ing just so I could feel good that I held back at least that much ... but as you can imagine, 100% of the time, without fail, I would eventually cave and just let myself O. And instead of losing just a few minutes of my day, I had spent hours upon hours.

If you're a PMO addict, I'd suggest there's literally nothing you can do that's more damaging to your brain chemistry than edging. It's worth doing everything in your power to prevent that from continuing.

 

I'll answer this question for myself: when you flood your brain with that much dopamine for extended periods, it really fucks with the balance of your brain chemistry. Receptors close down in response to the extra dopamine, and it takes a long time to get them to open back up--especially if you're someone who's been conditioning yourself with edging on a frequent basis.

So my biggest symptoms were a general "brain fog" and apathy in life. I just didn't care much about anything, because none of the simpler pleasures of life felt good anymore--not compared to the euphoria of PMO or casual sex. To an outsider, it appeared like I was doing fine, but the reality is that I was just going through the motions of life. I wasn't engaged with any sense of vitality, focus, or energy. Life just sort of happened to me, and I watched it go by without taking much initiative. I was "living by default", and it's a sucky way to be.

My brain hasn't healed yet. I still struggle with fantasy and masturbation (see my counter!). And fundamentally I know the majority of my problems in life can be traced to this addiction. So I'm doing everything I can to keep myself on the righteous path. It's just hard sometimes--you women are gorgeous creatures.

 

Hi Superfan Yes this happened to my husband too-he lost all joy.

 

All that apart from panic attacks.

 

Thank you for the post and you clearly explained the difference between abuse of pornography and use of pornography.
Negative effects come in to play when pornography is abused and vast majority of people do not abuse it.

People begin abusing things because it offers stress relief, mood improvement or other benefit - like buffering depression symptoms, or loneliness.
Constant abuse makes the person dependent on the activity to cope and overtime it becomes no different than drinking coffee, when you dont really feel too focused.
Overtime behavior becomes learned and part of ones life, but abuse of pornography is the result of other underlying issues, those have to be identified.

Edging and prolonged pornography use is a way to get a high, people naturally seek a high when they are "low".
Anyone who wants to stop abusing porn, will be completely fine when they feel normal. But then they get lonely or something bad happens, mood drops, they get anxious and naturally they want to fix it and pornography is the way they know how.

 

Yea you bring up a good point.

Comparing you to your brother is like comparing someone who has 1 cigarette a year to someone who smokes a pack a day. It isn't comparable!

 

I'll give my answer, speaking as someone whose PMO sessions grew longer and longer as my addiction worsened. I'm the type of person who's always been good at escaping - into books, movies, videogames, my own daydreams. A borderline introvert with a good imagination. While this is good creativity-wise, it's been a weak spot when it comes to P addiction.

I believe that as my dopamine tolerance built-up over time, I was able to create longer and more elaborate fantasies, aided by the explosion of internet P available. What had once been short incidents grew into full-blown binges, where I was able to extend the rush over long periods, the build-up often being more pleasurable than the ending. I have learned that when I start fantasizing, I have to block that right away, because I'm just too damn good at it.

One more thing on that. I guess it's obvious, but I realized that when my personal life sucks, I want to escape more. So, one antidote to falling back into PMO binges is simply to work on my life so I feel more positive about it - things like activities, friendships, health, career, spirituality, etc. I have a list of self-improvement 'projects' at-the-ready now, so when I feel restless or down, I can focus my energy on those rather than short-term escapism which can end up making things worse in the long-run.

 

There is a scientific explanation for this that can be found on Yourbrainonporn.com. Basically, there is a chemical in our brain responsible for binges called Deltafosb. Binging helps us to survive because way back when opportunities to eat lots of food or to procreate came along very rarely, so we would binge to take full advantage. Deltafosb is released whenever we experience pleasure and takes 2 months to go back down to normal levels. The answer is that your Deltafosb levels are higher than your brother's so you are more susceptible to binges. What you have to do is try to limit the amount of stimulation you give yourself.

 

Over a two-month period Deltfosb slowly degrades, from last use, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you have to go that long to get free. The focus is more about preventing further accumulation of deltafosb by limiting how much stimulation you give yourself. If you absolutely have to watch porn then soft core images of girls are far less stimulating than watching hardcore porn videos.

 

I'm the same way. I don't remember the last time I masturbated only once in a sitting. Always at least 2 times. It's the chaser effect and it shows we are addicts

 

I don't think bingeing on masturbation is that counterproductive to overcoming porn addiction, so long as the fantasies don't mimic how you use porn. That being said it's quite odd that you would binge to masturbation because you aren't stimulating yourself artificially, and once is usually enough to reach sexual satiety, it seems to me that you are thinking about porn and that is causing you to binge on masturbation.

For those who really struggle with overcoming porn addiction switching to softcore images is a valid option... even better would be masturbating without any stimulation whatsoever, if possible. The chaser effect is minimal compared to what it would be after a hardcore porn binge because it is barely stimulating. Really, if you spend over an hour watching hardcore porn expect the cravings to force you into another session or two and as a result you make zero progress this way.

This is why I think the 90 day approach is unrealistic for most porn addicts because it makes you believe that when you relapse that you are back to square one, i.e. it's all or nothing when it's not. The goal is to limit as much as possible how much sexual stimulation you give your brain. You have to fight for every inch, it's not the end of the world if you decided to watch porn, just get it over and done quickly, and don't allow yourself to go for hours on end.