I'm halfway to happy now, and I always mistake it for progress.

TRIGGER WARNINGS


So my counter says 1 day clean at this moment, and maybe one clean and honest Day is what it take to feel and notice a difference. Not just from me but other people too.

Yesterday I went to the gym and didn’t my typical work out for a Wednesday (back and biceps) do my twenty minutes of cardio and felt bleh. The hardest part of starting my day was to not masturbate or edge in the shower post work out. Which I didn’t. Just in and out, cleaned myself and dressed to go to work.

A woman I work with who I usually have small talk with blurted out mid convo “oh! I just put this together, has anyone told you that you look like Brandon Boyd from Incubus??...” I have been told I look like Billie Joe from Green Day, chino from the deftones, and Elvis. Never Brandon Boyd. I was flattered but I don’t see it.

So at this moment I am almost 38 hours clean, and by clean, no touching my cock for self gratification randomly, no chat site, no instagram browsing, porn surfing, edging, chat rooms, nothing. This morning my workout felt better than ever, and on my cardio I went harder and better than I have in a while (5 miles in 42 minutes!) work was good. Now I’m home alone, and I have no desire to relapse tonight.

 

I am no means an expert but I had a similar problem and what worked for me was to be polite and actually talk to the women I had this problem with, even just the slightest “hello, how are you? How is your day?” Can change everything.