My girl is stepping on me because of this

First off, I hope you are just saying that derogatory term because you wrote that in anger and didn't check it before posting. Because if you regularly use that term to describe her then that tells her all she needs to know about how you view/respect her and women in general.

Second, you are a porn addict and if your "dick is dead" then that is the consequence of your actions. If she is upset, she has a right to be... if you get angry at her for being hurt by what you did that will only escalate things.

I understand that addiction is painful, it's tough, but these are your choices you made, and this is the bed you made so to speak. I don't know how long you have been off porn or not, but it sounds like you are still in early stages of addiction recovery.

You can't satisfy her... how? sexually? Emotionally? being faithful? And do you really think she will look for sex with someone else when you two have a child together? You must not have much faith in your relationship. Did she just figure out about your addiction? Did she discover it? Did you disclose it? Is she suffering from Betrayal Trauma?

If you don't want to deal with her because of the pain you've caused then don't, but if you really love her, and if she is suffering from Betrayal Trauma then learn about it and do your best to navigate it.

Check out my resources thread you will learn a ton on addiction and betrayal trauma. This journey on both sides is messy as hell and both people are in pain, suffering, and just clueless at points.

If you guys have a child.... then I assume you both are wanting to fight for your family - which means you getting healthy, and her working through her trauma and staying faithful. If she isn't already, get her on here or some help on another forum or something.

You can recover, she can heal, and you guys can overcome this - if you both put in 100%. And if you've had PIED then healing your "dead dick" will take longer. @Kenzi is the person I would say knows about the PIED timeline.

Recovery takes time. If you were addicted for many years, it will take many years to heal.... recovery takes patience, empathy, grieving, honesty, integrity, and determination. Every addict and every partner on here Can Get Better, they both just have to genuinely want it enough to learn the skills, to implement what they've learned, and to create a healthy recovery friendly lifestyle.

 

Hey brother. I know it feels desparate right now. Just take a breath. I had my wife leave me with the kids at one point because of this. It was one of the worst days of my life. But was not the end of my story. today i am sitting here next to my two daughters and my wife is putting our son down in the next room. It can be ok. But for that to happen you need to prioritize your healing above everything else. You need to get better for you. Dead dicks do get better with time. You need to work on your brain. Unfortunately you are going to have to pay for the hurt you have caused while going through the hardest thing you ever have without the coping mechanism you have always used. The ONLY way to do this is to rely on the support of other men who are going through it. So getting on NoFap is absolutly one of the best things you can do. I also reccomend finding a support group and a therapist if possible. Hang in there dude. Be gentle with yourself.

 

Try this.
For every piece of advice you get here, listen to an entire podcast dealing with just betrayal trauma of at least 30 mins.
And and write 3 things you are thankful about for having her in your life and immediately share them with her.
I think you will be amazed at what changes will begin to happen hopefully.

And she needs to be listentinto the betrayal podcast anyway regardless of anything you may post or recieve here

 

Encourage her to read here so she can get a better understanding, or give her some resources if she is willing.
It's not easy but we don't all heal at the same rate. We also don't necessarily come to realizations at the same time. We do need to be patient with each other and sometimes just listen and be there, understanding.

 

Her shortcomings sound speculative and in the future. Concentrate on her now and your future.

Just like all of us.

 

Has she actually said she is going to leave you for a different dude? I hear a bunch of fear and anxiety in your posts. Your body isn't working the way it should and that is really scary. It is ok to be afraid. It takes time to get out of this hole you have dug.

 

You've got some great advice here and I know that God loves you and hears you. Remember that the Lord says faith without works is dead.

The same way you wouldn't have a disease like cancer and just try to pray it away without seeking treatment is the same way you can't do that with this.

This addiction is a cancer that effects our family, our self esteem and so much more in our brains. You've gotta root it out and sell proper treatment to overcome this and heal your family and your mind.

My wife is Latina and if bring around her and her family has taught my anything it's that Latin culture embodies passion, love, family and pride. Use that to grow and overcome this.

Use the passion you have for you girlfriend, the strong love for your family and a healthy dose of pride to stand up and do something about your addiction.

Exercise your faith in God and trust that He'll give you the strength to overcome any obstacle. Read through the resources here and really educate yourself on your addiction. Battle this with all that you have in you.

 

The addiction is what is making you question whether you're doing the right thing or not. And in my opinion the reason why you are confused is because you have allowed the addiction to take over and think for you . So probably for the first time in awhile you're trying to fight that. Im reading the book " Russel Brand , fighting addictions " and inside it says that you have to accept that you can no longer trust your own mental processes. Because the mental processes are what got you here, and what hs allowed this to happen .
You can do this brother. Most importantly do it for yourself . You deserve to be free from all of this.

 

Hey dude i prayed for you!

 

I have a theory as to why God isn't answering your prayers but it's a bit crazy and you might not want to hear it. But praying is good, research suggests it's good for mental health. Have you and your wife been to see a counsellor? It might help.

 

God answered your prayer the moment you spoke it, you just don't yet know what the answer was!

What does your girlfriend say, when you honestly tell her how you are feeling?
What has it been like the past few weeks?