Does your spouse know?

Why are you hiding from the person who could be your biggest cheerleader?

 

Thing is my wife isn't my cheer leader. She can be supportive, but she has no interest in encouraging me in such a fashion as you're suggesting.

Following an incident a bit ago where she walked in and found me M in the shower, I told her that M was an addiction and it was compulsive, her reaction was annoyance, like I was a child, and said so what your a little kid and need your nookie huh?

I love her very much, I do not intend for that to sound harsh but it is what it is. She is currently not able to accept that this is an addiction and giving it up can be like giving up meth.

Believe me I wish we had that kind of relationship. But I'm alone in this, her fickle and random affection makes it harder. She doesn't want to be the one pulling me off the ground or be a counselor or fixer...told me that herself.

So.... That's awesome those of you who have spouses that support and don't shame them. That isn't quite my marriage though, even after 17 years, and I think that there are others in not so ideal relationships but the advice to tell your wife your struggles bliny and she will be there for you would be disastrous because it would explode and you would continue being in bondage to PMO.

In reality I must continue to be PMO free for me and not her. I have five kids I need to a good father to and need me to be here for mentally and emotionally.

 

Agree with your statements here... you described my mother exactly.

Plus, the bottom line you need to be free for you first.... using your wife as leverage to leave this vice is a subtle manipulation tactic on yourself.

Be free for you. Once above your addiction you can be a help and not a drain on her.

 

Same here. I am not saying these things to speak poorly of my wife. Marriage is a lot of hard work and it's harder when you find yourself realizing it isn't what you thought it'd be and you are facing challenges you didn't think you would have to. You naively think it'll all work out.

Now throw in you are an addict and you recycle the same mistakes. You recompile your guilt and shame over and over endlessly. You think of yourself as lowest of the low filth. Hopefully you dig yourself out but it's a cycle.

Pathetic to think for me.. But it's true... If I wasn't married and had no children I am sure I would be stuck coming home from work and PMOing all night long until the next day.

So what I must do is nofap to be a better man. And then I can say look what I have accomplished rather than I'm still working on it. I mean it will always be a danger but it won't be the same torture daily I think anyway.

@WhiskeyNeat I look forward to watching your journey as well sir. It is good to find one who relates in this way!

 

@Everyonelies well written piece bro. I am right there with you. Also, LOVE your moniker... something almost Salvador Dali about that level of realism....

I cringe often when I hear the "if your wife is like that, then why are you even with her" accusation that sometimes gets tossed in to an otherwise innocuous and necessary discussion.

You expressed it by the way, where the level of cynicism is basically chronic, now its a way of life. Yes I can understand deeper roots, longer marriages, and older couples will have a tougher road to travel in this sense.

I'm rooting for you. I can tell you, your wife won't change very quickly. The changes that she can detect in YOU will ALSO be slow in showing; but that's okay-- get your cavities cleaned out first. Worry about the restoration and cosmetic fixes once your emotional and sexual health is back to functional.