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Relapse due stress

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Human v2.0, Jun 16, 2019.

  1. Human v2.0

    Human v2.0 Fapstronaut

    13
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    Hello guys,

    I recently fell back into this abyss of PMO, I really felt like I needed it.
    Right now I'm in a relationship. My gf is christian so we agreed to don't do anything out of marriage, but we couldn't resist so we tried to have sex, until we realized I had ED, so I started noFap.
    Everything was great but my relationship hasn't been great lately, sometimes I feel we are not too compatible, which has caused a lot of troubles in the long run, and I'm kind of tired of that, because none of us deserves to be stressed in a relationship.
    Also my new job has been very stressing, and is actually a very good job but it took me some time to get used to it and my boss didn't train me so well, so I'm just catching up with my delayed deliveries and stuff.
    And also, I just don't feel too motivated lately, so I just play videogames. Thankfully I started going to the gym with my best friend and I'm motivated in that aspect of my life.
    The thing is, all this stress made me feel weak, lonely and I couldn't resist so I PMO'd, and I no longer felt all that loneliness, not for a couple of hours.
    After 2 weeks I keep doing it, right after arriving from my workplace to my home, as soon as I hit the bed I do it, a quick one.

    I know is not ok, but I feel like my relationship is the main source of stress, and it is dragging me down to a sad and depressive routine of apparent happiness.
    I want to work things out with her, but I have a gut feeling that things between I and her won't work, but I just love her so much...
    Thinking about a new relationship with other women makes me feel motivated but that is not my reality right now, just another way of escaping reality.

    I don't know if I'm not being mature enough or what, but I just don't see a way out of this.

    TL;DR My stressful life dragged back into PMO. Relationship not working good, stressful job.
     
  2. There's a way out of it, but blaming your relationship for your PMO addiction isn't it. That will only take you farther into PMO, and as you know, there's no solution there. You probably had the addiction long before your gf came along.

    No. No one needs an addiction. No one needs a problem that will continuously destroy the things in your life that matter. However, the addicted part of your brain will keep trying to convince you that you need it because 'it'll help reduce your stress,' 'your relationship doesn't satisfy your needs,' 'you deserve it,' and all kinds of crap. But, those are all lies.

    You need to find out what it is that drives you to the addiction in the first place. What are you escaping? What difficult emotions are you trying to avoid facing? Something is causing you to avoid reality which is what you're doing when you're acting out. Now, you've been doing nofap for awhile, and instead of facing those emotions, you're zoning out on video games...you're replacing one escapism behavior with another. It's likely only a matter of time, though, until video games aren't working as well, and you go right back to PMO. It's great that you're going to the gym. You need to find more healthy activities to replace the addictive ones.

    This should show you that PMO is not a solution...you didnt feel lonliness for "a couple of hours." That's because you didn't feel anything for a couple hours. You were escaping the real world, and getting a dopamine hit. That's all. You weren't emotionally more healthy during those 2 hours because of PMO.

    I believe this is the addict talking again. Yes, there may be stress in your relationship...nearly ALL relationships plagued by PA are more stressful. Addiction does that to relationships. But, you're in denial of the fact that it's likely your PA causing a shit ton of extra stress because it's easier to blame it on your gf than accept your responsibility in it.

    You do admit it right here, though. Thinking about a great new relationship is more addict thinking. The grass isn't always greener on the other side...it is greener where you water it.

    You need to accept this addiction for what it really is, and acknowledge that it is more of the problem with your relationship than it is solution. Otherwise, it will continue to bring you down, in your relationship, in your life, and in any relationship you're ever in until you decide to take responsibility and get committed to recovery.
     
  3. Human v2.0

    Human v2.0 Fapstronaut

    13
    18
    3
    Thank you bro!
    Sometimes we have the answer inside of us but we are denial, and having someone that tells you the reality as it is it helps quite a lot.

    I'll stick with noFap, and I'll do my best in my relationship, if my relationship doesn't work at least it doesn't fall on me.

    I REALLY want to build a better life, to improve myself in every possible way, but the lack of motivation is.. ugh, sometimes I have suicidal thoughts, quick ones but they are there.

    I will do my best, I won't fall back, I don't know whats gonna happen to me later, but I will defeat PA FOREVER, it might be my only good achivement, but I will do it, I promise.

    Thanks again!
     
  4. Yes, committing yourself to recovery is best whether you're in a relationship or not, but I believe that you have to address the PA within your relationship as well. Otherwise, if the relationship fails, it actually will fall on you, at least partially.
     

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