I don’t know what to do with my bf

AlexWillDoIt · May 21, 2019

after 4 of relationship with my bf everything seems to vanish... from his point of view we lack intimacy, sex... and I know that my porn habit destroyed the pleasure to be with him... but I am trying to work on it, was 21 without, then relapsed, then a week without... and relapsed again... he seems distant, he seems like he doesn’t want to rescue this relationship, and feeling like he already gave up on us makes relapsing so much easier... I miss the hugs, the kisses, the moments he just touches me for the sake of it... and I don’t get why, what happend in the matter of some weeks when just a month before he told me that I am the only thing that makes sense in his life...

Sorry for sounding so week, but he is the reason nofap is an option...

Deleted Account · May 21, 2019

I want to be gentle in saying this, but it's truth. In any kind of recovery, the primary motivation has to be from yourself. There has to be an overriding reason that you want to do this, for you and you alone. Your partner gets all the benefits of it, but you need to find whatever reason it is to keep going each and every day.
Having somebody or something else as your primary motivator simply means that, whenever you have an argument, you relapse. Whenever you have a bad day and he isn't able to comfort you for whatever reason, you relapse. And so it goes...

AlexWillDoIt · Jun 21, 2019

Dakshinamurti said: ↑

I want to be gentle in saying this, but it's truth. In any kind of recovery, the primary motivation has to be from yourself. There has to be an overriding reason that you want to do this, for you and you alone. Your partner gets all the benefits of it, but you need to find whatever reason it is to keep going each and every day.
Having somebody or something else as your primary motivator simply means that, whenever you have an argument, you relapse. Whenever you have a bad day and he isn't able to comfort you for whatever reason, you relapse. And so it goes...
Click to expand...

Thank you very much... I know I have to do this for myself and not him or the relationship. I feel he appreciates the changes, my higher libido, the fact I am searching his closeness. And I feel I enjoy it, the simple feeling of a kiss, skin, my better confidence and clearer mind.
We’ll see... but i’ll Keep going!

Deleted Account · Jun 21, 2019

AlexWillDoIt said: ↑

but I am trying to work on it, was 21 without, then relapsed, then a week without... and relapsed again... he seems distant, he seems like he doesn’t want to rescue this relationship, and feeling like he already gave up on us makes relapsing so much easier...
Click to expand...

This is where you both need to communicate to each other. I can only give my own opinion as a SO... you feel like he’s giving up on this relationship which hurts you because you’re trying to fix it.... with each relaps he is probably thinking you’re giving up on the relationship and that you’re not trying hard enough.

A relaps is a choice you make on your own. He doesn’t put a gun to your head and force you to watch porn. So shifting the blame to him is not healthy.

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I don’t know what to do with my bf

AlexWillDoIt Fapstronaut

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