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How I'm feeling as I'm writing this.

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by goten24, Jun 21, 2019.

  1. goten24

    goten24 Fapstronaut

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    I'm going straight to the point.

    I'm about to turn 25 and still live with my mom, things are tough where I live, even my older brother had to live to another country to get a better life. But I have a lot of shit to work on before I make such a dramatic change.(If I ever leave my country)
    I pretty much gave all my money away in order to help in the bills.

    Right now, I'm feeling awful, I been watching too much porn. It's been ruining my life, my produtivity, my mood, everything. I lost a job a few weeks ago, I was recently working in a retail job, selling shoes, something I've never done, so everything was a new reality for me.

    Long story short: I didn't fullfilled the expectations, my brain was somewhere else during work, I couldn't focus on my tasks, I had low energy. I had so many brain fogs regarding the rules of the store, how things should be done etc.

    I dunno if it is related to the excessive PMO. I dunno.

    And what's more irritating, it's because I know what I'm suppose to do. It is consuming me, I should stop. They say "what consumes you, controls your life" and it's true. Everyday before I go to sleep I always tend to say: "This time you won't do it" but I always proceed to PMO. It's stronger than me and I fucking hate it.

    I hate being controlled by addictions, and being tricked by my brain.

    I made a thread at the beggining of this year, asking how smoking effects testosterone and during that time I even managed to stop smoking for about 4 months - guess what happened? I'm smoking again. Sames goes to PMO. It was such a good decision not only for my health but for my wallet. I remember when I relapsed my first cigarette after that 4 month break, felt like my first one. Disgusting but I was hella down and depressive, I proceeded to continue smoking.

    Also when it comes to exercise, which in my opinion will always be the best stress reliever, I struggle to become consistent.
    I'm 1-2 weeks doing great and then I manage to screw things up.

    Same goes to NoFap. My latest streak was 14 days and I remember my relapses were due social media, instagram to be more specific. Before I relapsed I was doing amazing, felt much better about myself but my brain for some reason keeps underestimating this 'whole thing', I always feel this is a placebo effect.

    That's why I'm going to get out of social media for a while now. It's not worth it. It's just a bunch of hypocrite people, showing their best moments, like they live perfect lives and I'm there comparing myself to others, which is something very awful for you mental health. Plus there's always a chance to relapse due all women in there with their "perfect bodies". (That's how my 14 day streak ended, though a fucking picture)

    PMO has been making me procrastining like never before, and I'm wasting my life away. Sometimes I wish I could ended it all and restart all over again. Life ain't a video game though.

    Well, just wanted to take this out my chest. Sorry if the text was weird - english isn't even my native language, so yeah.

    Any words of encouragement, wisdom, advice etc, will be greatly appreciated.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  2. Naruto94

    Naruto94 Fapstronaut

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    Don't give up man! I know u can do it.I am battling this addiction for 2 years,my longest streak was 31 days but now can't go more then 2 days...it is a bad period but i never give up.Relalpses are part of the recovery.About the smoking i recommend Allan Carr's book Easy way to stop smoking for me it worked.I wish u the best of luck!
     
    yyz33 likes this.
  3. The Bink

    The Bink Fapstronaut

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    Hey man,
    I think it's a really good thing that you cut off all the social media. I did the same thing and had the same motives to do so as you do. Everyone is just showing their best side. Consciously or unconsciously you're going to compare your life with theirs. It's pointless to me.
    Since I quit social media I have so much more time on my hands and I picked up a few hobby's that are truly meaningful to me. Also I don't get triggered by explicit content anymore which is also great.
    Keep on fighting man, nofap is a great catalyst to improve life.
     
  4. goten24

    goten24 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks, hopefully you can break your record. As for the recommendation about the book, I'll pass. I mean if it helped you, great. Everyone has their methods and I respect it. When I quit for those 4 months, my motivation was my mother and it's kinda... Ironic, I'd say? Because she's very addicted since she smokes from a very young age, one day I looked at her and I thought to myself "I don't wanna be like you"(in regards of smoking), plus she spends so much money per month and always complains about lack of money when she could have more left, if she didn't smoke. Saving money is essencial! Especially if your income isn't that great.

    I will be strong enough mentally to quit. I only attempted to quit once and it was 4 months(which is quite good, I know many people who wouldn't be able to) - maybe next time, will be better. Trust the process.

    This needs to be applied to PMO though. A sudden change like this will destroy me but I have to do it.

    Thanks for replying by the way, means alot!

    Thank you so much. That's one of my intentions, to use my time being more productive.
     
    The Bink likes this.
  5. You sound strong. You can do this. Porn is horrible and a path to self destruction.
     

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